Since the previous post, I've been focusing on breath again. Hopefully this helps to melt up that ice-cold crystal in my heart chakra, which feels like it's constantly ripping through my internals.
Something I've noticed. Perhaps I've misinterpreted Castaneda's terms "self-pity" and "compassion". However, to me it seems that they are necessary to some degree. Without self-pity and compassion, one cannot drop their burden properly .. it gradually induces the rambo mentality. For a rambo, there is no such thing as a burden and there is no humble attitude. However, having a moderately humble attitude towards life, realizing the burden and giving it up are very important on the path of self-realization. Both self-pity and the lack of it are ignorance, the acyclic path is somewhere in between.
Recently I've noticed lights flashing around me. This is nothing new, but what I haven't seen before .. lights flashing brighter (as if I were causing power surges in the grid). I guess it could also be my internal flame flashing, leaving the impression that it's the lights that go brighter for a split-second. Saw 2 orbs again today, both of them lifted from near my work desk and went towards the ceiling. One of them was especially bright.
With this focus on breath practice, my internal tension has been slowly decreasing. I've been feeling somewhat tired recently. Either several years of accumulated stress that is being released, or it could be that I've overworked for a week, about 14 hours of work each day (including the weekend).
Last night I had a rather familiar dream. Haven't seen those for quite a while. I had just finished work and found myself at school. We had been divided into pairs. Each pair would have to write down answers to the questions that the teacher asked. I was so tired that once the teacher finished a sentence, I had forgotten how it started. I knew I would be able to answer the questions but I simply couldn't, at least not in this state. Visited the toilet, fell asleep there. Eventually woke up and walked out. We had arrived on an island of some sort and everyone thought I had become lost and lagged behind. Teacher asked me to follow and started hiking up a slope. I tried to follow but eventually there was nothing I could grab from .. the dream ended.
A couple of nights ago I saw sister sleeping and mumbling through sleep. I replied something, which caused her to wake up into the same realm .. so she started describing how she has been, what sort of ideas she has had and so on.
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