A summary

Just a summary of recent observations.

Sometimes while laying down onto the bed with my eyes closed, I've noticed a white glow around the pillow. One night I removed the pillow and laid down on my back, instead, but the white glow was still there. So, the glow lingers.

I think it might've been on Tuesday or Wednesday morning that the sky was cloudy but I saw the light shining through everything. The light was not yellow nor golden but orange.

Last week I read Tarot cards for myself, and it indicated a lot of self-issues in love-life. Also, just as I picked up the Tarot deck before the reading, I suddenly had a strong tingling in both legs up to knees. Anyway, since that reading I had been feeling distant and struggled with letting go.

Yesterday a cousin came for a visit, and somehow the timing of everything was perfect regardless of the fact that I did not know any of it beforehand.

The left fireplace

Had an unannounced busy weekend with a visit to grandparents. At some point in the morning there was a smell of something burning. Later it turned out that it was coming from the chimney, as the hatch was open. Nobody had been using the chimney for a great many years, so we were surprised. After coming back home, yesterday evening I was feeling a bit down over my lack of dating skills and had difficulties falling asleep. I tried relaxing the body and found a new way of doing that.

I visualized a laser from the root chakra to regions within the body. The laser would heat up the body parts and release tension / stress as it illuminates them. This worked surprisingly well.

Though, soon after, I started getting waves of heat going up the body but mostly on the left side of the body. Additionally, I was seeing yellow or golden rings shrinking in front of my closed eyes. This was while I was laying in the bed on my right side. As I rolled over, the heat waves were still on the left side but I stopped seeing the rings of light. The waves of heat came from the feet up to the throat chakra but rarely beyond it. In the regions washed over by the waves of heat, it felt calm, soothing and a bit blissful. I was sweating a lot.

Today morning I'm feeling increased energy density in and just above the head.

Light and bizarre clips from dreams

Meditated a bit yesterday evening. The nights are dark again already, but during meditation I was surrounded by light. Checked if it was car headlights through the windows or if mom had switched on the lights but no, in reality the room was still dark.

Random excerpts from recent dreams

I visit some sort of an event at the university. There are a lot of people, so I start looking for that mask in my pocket. But then it occurs to me that masks in dreams don't make any sense, why would I even look for one?

I was chatting with someone. Then, suddenly a horse leaped over the fence, galloped to a parked car, took the driver's seat and drove away with it. Me and the other guy were just staring at where the car used to be, wondering what we had just witnessed.

Clown

Had been feeling a bit sad about the thoughts of drifting away from the society again.

Today morning I thought the weather was cloudy and all, but the moment I entered the office, there was something shining in there. It looked as if a tiny spot light were hanging from a colleague's desk. I observed it closer and found that a single godray traced through the blinds and met the golden plug of an HDMI cable hanging from the colleague's desk. The corner of the plug then reflected the light onto the floor, as if it were a spot light hanging mid-air.

While on my way to lunch with a colleague, I opened the front door. Just as I did, a really strange guy went past, on a bicycle. The sight was so absurd that it caught me off guard and I must've stared at him with a stupid look on my face or something. I think he had a red costume, a winter hat and ridiculous-looking circular black sunglasses with thick white rims. The moment he passed by, he started laughing.

Regardless of the fact that I had been dead serious, I took a few more steps and couldn't help but laugh as well. The timing was just perfect and the whole situation was so absurd. I guess that made my day, whatever that was. Anyway, me and the colleague laughed about it for some time.

While sometimes the vibration was still there near the root chakra, today I noticed the vibration in some other parts of the body as well. For a few times it appeared at the navel or at the right shoulder. Also, I think I've actually been getting this vibration also at the heart and throat chakras, just that it hasn't usually been very intense nor has it lasted very long.

Sleeping spirits

Pondered about the golden veil and the sensation of longing and feeling at home in hyperspace (as described by Billy Meier). Might it be that we're like pieces / filaments / protuberances of the golden mist (our home) exploring the world beyond the veil. This would explain feeling out-of-place and longing for what's beyond the golden veil. Moreover, this raises the curiosity of what would lie beyond the next veil after the golden one. Might these veils be related to chakras in any way? No, perhaps not - chakras are a property of this body but the body (probably even the astral body) would lose its meaning in the golden mist. While there probably is structure within the golden mist (I've seen different kinds of gold in the astral), it's way less stable. Perhaps the idea is to explore the lower veil as a means to extrapolate the path to the higher veil? Since already the realm of the golden mist / light is beyond this physical realm, entering the next realm after the golden mist would probably mean no coming back to this physical realm. Exciting stuff. Perhaps it would be a good idea to live the rest of this life right next to the golden veil and then fly through once the mission is concluded.

Edit: Oh, one more thing that I wanted to post. The lack of motivation when overwhelmed by bliss - I think this basically shows that the reason why I do anything at all is to become happy. I've gotten it all wrong, as this is not the correct reason for pursuing anything. Happiness should be a nice side-effect to doing things in the right way, but happiness itself should not become a blocker to further progress. Instead, I should do things because I can help mankind in doing so. This way becoming happy or enjoying the bliss would only serve to assist me in my work.

Recently I've had dreams full of all sorts of unknown symbols, as well as info that has been meant to be taken literally the way it's conveyed. Like at the end of a dream, an entity said: "Time's up" :::alarm rings:::

Hypnagogic: Sell AMD, NVDA

A couple of weeks ago, an entity popped up and told me to sell my AMD, NVDA stocks. Me: nope, too low .. long AMD & NVDA. Me now: would have been a very good deal.

The message couldn't have been any more clear, and yet I chose not to act because of my previous decision to not pursue short-term fluctuations. However, after 2 years of passive long-term, I think it should actually be about time to start looking at occasional trading as well.

Dream: Daisy-chaining concentration

Having played Styx quite a bit, the dream probably followed from the inspiration. I was in a straight corridor with a plain wall in front of me. All walls were gray and insignificant, except for the wall in front. I knew that there had to be something hidden in the wall in front, but first I had to get to it. For the rational mind it seemed straightforward (a straight corridor, after all). Instead, I went with the flow and looked at my right arm. Concentration pulled me into the arm, focusing on smaller and smaller objects within each-other. Having shrunk the field of consciousness enough, the wall in front revealed picture frames with symbols. Unknown symbols that looked similar to something from a book on the occult or somesuch.

Dream: Colleague asleep in a room full of sleeping spirits

This colleague has been looking for a room. I haven't offered mine, because I haven't had / taken the time to clean everything, install new lamp and lamp shades and stuff like that. Lousy excuse.

The dream clearly indicated that he would get along well with the spirits. It's not like the apartment is haunted or anything, but I take such a dream as a signal because it's the first time for me to see a non-family member that deep in my own mind-space.

Anyway, I tried to wake him up and ask him to come out of the room .. without me waking the spirits. I noticed that there were about 2-3 spirits in the room, all asleep. One of them was grandpa, as humble as possible (sleeping on an old mattress on the floor, without sheets and a blanket). While I did recognize the other(s), I think none of them were familiar from this lifetime.

This dream helped me realize the meaning of an old dream, which I suspect would be a bit difficult to find from the blog. Anyway, in that dream I visited a witchy friend of a friend and I was somewhat freaked about all the strange people and creatures roaming about his house. He was weird but all the creatures in his house were way beyond that. I suspect that he was one of the last people in his family tree and all the past relatives had gathered up at his house. He carefully let us in one by one, and made sure that the spirits accepted all of us before inviting us any further. Dangerous business.

Golden Veil

Wanted to post this, as a follow-up of the Dark Veil, however, I haven't investigated the Golden Veil that much yet.

I guess that people could be born between the two veils, but sometimes cross the dark veil and become lost. If that's the case, then it would be quite difficult for them to even consider anything on the other side of the veil, including the golden veil. One would first need to penetrate the dark veil, and then gradually shift their consciousness towards the golden veil.

I've gotten the impression that the closer one gets to the golden veil, the more pleasure and happiness they would feel. They would start seeing more and more of the golden light that permeates everything and shines through matter. Material objects would seem like merely temporary facades, as if made of cardboard that has been manifested by the mind, and is empty of actual presence. Space itself would start to seem dimensionless, with large and small objects being no different.

Based on the former observations (which happen to be somewhat scattered across this blog), I would conclude that the golden veil / mist is related to manifesting matter or forming space (or space-time). Perhaps matter is simply interwoven vorticular patterns of the golden and dark mists?

As opposed to the dark mist, maybe the golden mist likes to stick together, pulling on anything that has had contact with it. At least when moving away from it, there seems to always be this longing that pulls back towards it even from beyond the dark veil.

Both veils can be seen with the mind's eye, maybe they're also directly visible, don't know. Similarly to how people who have penetrated the dark veil have difficulties living this life in this world, I got the impression that people who have penetrated the golden veil would have difficulties living in this world. Which is why I held my horses before deciding to penetrate the veil. It seems very easy to become attracted to either of these veils.

Glowing and blinking monk statues

Watched a clickbaity youtube clip on some random haunted dolls and statues. At the end of the clip, there was the story of strange statues at the Pu Xian Buddhist mission.

It was claimed that a strange light entered the statue, after which it glowed and then the statue started blinking its eyes.

Recording videos in there is supposed to be forbidden and honestly I think these videos are crap. Regardless, I'll post a link to one.

What spiked my interest about this case:

• Newsflash about a monk's body found inside a Buddhist statue (clicky).
• At some point I listened to Dr. Nida Chenagtsang's description of the rainbow body and how monks gradually transform their physical body into that of light (youtube link below).

The transformation of the physical body into light has been said to take a long time and during the process, the monk is not to be disturbed. So, perhaps they have turned some of them into statues?

Let's assume there were some monks whose bodies had become mummified, with statues built around them. If these monks successfully managed to convert their physical bodies (which then disappeared from inside the statue) into rainbow bodies, they could leave through the statue and perhaps come back at some point. Moreover, as they lack a physical body, they would be "possessing" the statue whenever they returned. Hence the seeming blinking of the eyes.

Clinging

Dream: Tall help

Remember that tall guy? From the previous post.

Last night one of the deep dreams (first 4-5 hours of sleep, not very stable dreams) featured him. Me and someone else were building a two-storeyed house. To be more precise, we were pouring concrete floor for the second storey. One of the walls was made of glass. This tall dude appeared in front of the glass wall, read my thoughts and wanted to help by taking sand from the pile and passing it to the second storey with a shovel. However, the tall dude was like an NPC or something, and couldn't comprehend that there was a glass wall between us. His shovel kept bumping into the wall, causing the sand to fall off the shovel again and again. The wall was more-or-less impenetrable and I wanted to keep it that way. I wondered what to do and how we could make use of his will to help. Phased his shovel and sand through the glass wall. It worked.

I was then transported (flown) out of the building and off to the edge of the dream (like a cliff into the void of sorts). I guess I wasn't lucid or something, because I was afraid of falling. Instinctively, focused as hard as I could on flying back onto the cliff without dropping any lower. It worked as well, though, I had no free resources to marvel at myself levitating.

Just a day

Yesterday morning I saw the grid of light again after waking up.

Ate lunch at a canteen. Took a beef cutlet but eating it made me sad. I knew I would have to finish it even though it tasted bad but that's not what made me sad. The situation caused me to seriously consider reducing my meat consumption.

Thank you for the sauna

A few nights ago I healed some kind of a kid with the method that cats typically use. My astral body automatically heals the physical body by spreading the vibration of specific frequencies throughout the body. Hugged the kid and amplified these frequencies in his body, until they were at a similar amplitude to mine.

Encountered quite a bit of stress again yesterday, even though my connection with the environment seemed to have remained. Colleague also said she felt depressed again ... the energy wave of the shamanic journey had passed.

Kitchen lamp died yesterday evening, without a sign - suddenly just no longer lit up. The same lamp that I've already revived once with pk. When flicking the switch, the CFL sometimes flickers but then goes dark again. For most of the time, it's just dark.

Watched some Babylon 5 on the weekend, as well. It's amazing indeed, just like my uncle said it was. Fellow psions, check out season 1 episode 6. It's like a quick summary of Akira or Shinsekai Yori mixed with some spiritual progress.

Assumed the lotus pose on the bed and meditated, while breathing out into different regions of the body. Haven't been breathing right for years. Soon the cat came, looked at what I was doing, leaped on bed, curled up next to my right knee and fell asleep. I stood up and left about half an hour later, whereas cat stayed on the spot. Some similar meditation during the night, before falling asleep myself.

Familiar dreams

The first night that I had the good old dreams back again. Met dad in one of the dreams, and mentioned my plan of buying together a desktop PC for training RNN. However, he did not seem to care about that. Instead, he said: "Oh, this is how far you've evolved" (a spiritual hint).

Next dream, I'm on Saaremaa with an uncle and a couple of cousins. Throughout the night, each of us minded their own business. Cousins played computer games while I did some other kind of work. I think I was cleaning something, but there were a lot of things to finish before the morning when uncle would take us back. Eventually they prepared sauna and enjoyed it. They were all so carefree. I still had a lot of things to do, but would've wanted to go and enjoy the sauna as well. A while later, uncle casually noted that he would get going soon. With great sadness and disappointment, I thanked him for the sauna and said I would start packing right away. When I went to pack my things, there was nothing there, except for a 3 litre jar of pickled cabbage. Touched it and woke up.

Background, for the second dream

Still swamped with work, and haunted by the lack of will to go all berserk and finish the tasks one by one.

Fine, the lack of motivation for writing the conference proceeding had a rational explanation - needed to discuss the structure before proceeding with the writing.

Work for the new job? Not much point in going all out and focusing deep on these tasks before the meeting on Monday (today).

Thought I would then take my thesis and continue with that. Opened the notes from the last meeting with the supervisor .. binary blob. Bloody NTFS again. Alright, made a backup, reformatted and dropped permissions support (probably what caused the issue). Recovering from the latest PDF back to the last committed TeX is for some other day, then, I guess.

Too strict?

Today I surprised myself (and maybe others) with how strict I was, maybe even brutal. Pushed my interpretation of things on students, project managers and so on and below. Perhaps I should hold back and be more humble, instead.

Pan made crackling noises. Hadn't heard that before. What's even more strange .. the pan made the noises even when it was barely warm at all. That was a new pan. At least until it met our gas stove, I guess.

Other than that, today morning I saw the all-permeating light a little.

Edit: Oh, and today at the department store I saw someone. Looked up, looked up even more, and saw that the person was about twice my height. I used to consider myself tall (1.8 m), but now suddenly there was somebody standing next to me, almost twice my height. Puzzled, but his proportions still looked human.

Tower of golden beams of light

Yesterday evening sister came home and made me a gift - a Kyanite crystal. Cool, I haven't thought much of crystals before. Remembered that I even have a book about crystals that I haven't read. Thought of putting it somewhere safe so that the cat wouldn't play with it but it seemed that's not the way crystals are meant to be treated. I want to practice pk on it sometime.

Last night there was a pull out of body. Experienced interesting hypnagogic imagery, but forgot many of them by the morning.

MiniDream: Golden beams of light

A tall tower (I think) with people that had a thick beam of golden light going up from their heads (from the crown region). Couldn't see the tower - everything was pitch black except the people and their beams of light. There was an upward pull towards infinity where I think the beams of light merged (seemed parallel). Realized something about zero-point while writing this down.

MiniDream: Grandma

In one of the short hypnagogic experiences, I visited grandma (the other one). Uhm .. that's about all I remember.

Cleanup in dreams

For the past few days, I have seen a lot of dreams about cleaning up or renovating old buildings or rather, having the old buildings renovated.

Dream: Shielding

Background

Posted this on the forum yesterday:

Related to the Otherlife movie, which reminded me of some old dreams from perhaps 10 years ago or so.
All of them had a "dungeon master" presence or some kind of a being that had designed the dream and observed my behaviour. The dreams were always designed to keep me preoccupied with something for a specific amount of time (until the alarm, typically). Some examples of what they tried:

• Taking my own memories of places, other people and trying to create drama in there. Their representations of the places and people were always off, though.
• Taking my memory of a place, and putting something in there that would catch my attention. For example, a piece of electronics or some kind of schematics or something. These guys did not know electronics nor could they draw schematics. They also tried with mystical-looking languages but rushed and also messed up with those.
• Suppressing my memories and stuffing me into a cell, smirking to see if I can find my way out.
• Replacing my memories with fake ones, confronting me and pointing out that I've done something bad. They then observed the internal conflict, hoping that I would take the bait.

These guys were pretty pissed at me because of how complicated I made their task. At least, that's what their emotions betrayed. They always had to come up with new dreams in order to avoid me waking up because it was their job. One night I woke up with the body still half-asleep and caught someone whispering things to the subconscious mind. Haven't had anything of the sort ever since.

Except for a bit different case, perhaps. Woke in a pretty dark realm with memories replaced. Lived in a wooden building and the townsfolk had figured out I was a witch or something, and came with pitchforks and torches and stuff. Created a chain of portals, each one to as bright a realm as I could imagine. About 30 portals later, I could remember that I had simply gone to bed and fallen asleep.

Has anyone else had similar dreams?

Shielding

Went to bed, visualizing myself in a warm pool of psi. Woke in some kind of a room with red walls. Sensed the intent of a psychic attack. Drew shields and maintained focus for until the focus of the attacker waned. Woke up and checked time. It was about 3 AM, I think. Fell asleep again and experienced very bright and vivid dreams up until the morning. Flew around a lot, had fun discussions with people and stuff. Each time I woke up, I saw the grid of light overlay. Even though I hadn't slept much, I felt pretty refreshed.

Varia

Minor precognition. Thought of taking headphones and listening to music while on the bus but felt like another colleague was going to take the bus. Enjoyed a nice discussion.

Good day

Reading the dialogue boosted the internal heat for me. Boosted it further, then went to sleep. Couldn't sleep. Just a few shallow dreams but spent most of the night healing and boosting internal heat.

This reminded me of the dream I had had the previous night.

Tension doesn't burn

Me and youngest uncle cleaning the old barn house. There were some kind of wooden ribs on the floor. Uncle asked me to clean the floor. I figured I could just burn the wood or something. Don't ask .. dream logic or something. Took a matchstick and as I put it closer to the wood, the flame was blown out. Realized that karma does not burn lightly. One needs constant strong heat to even melt it. So, I just removed the wooden ribs and threw them out.

Book exchange

Exchanged yoga books with a colleague. She got the dream and sleep yoga book. I got a thought yoga book. Wanted to ask about a dream that I had in 2010, I think. In that dream she was driving her dad's van (Blogger search is not very helpful). She answered the question without me asking. She said she was going for driving school. So, probably she has not had the dream yet.

Preaching

Her father was kind enough to take me to the largest shopping mall in town. Took the chance to buy new shoes. The first candidate often still ends up being the best. Went outside to wait for a free bus to town centre. A nice chilly and windy evening. Noticed some glass shards on the ground (dangerous) and tried to steer clear of these, especially with the new shoes and all. 15+ min into waiting, a dude showed up and introduced himself. Being strongly religious, he started telling about Free Will and Adam's & Eve's temptation (which is what I read yesterday evening). He had a very young son with him, who did not enjoy his dad's preaching much. Anyway, the man held my hand and prayed for me (felt some kind of a vibration move through his palm). He also wished for me to find a girlfriend this month. I'm not sure I would want that (his son also started crying on that). When he saw that my bus arrived, he asked me to visit their Facebook page and perhaps continue the chat. In order to make room for the people rushing on the bus, I took a step back .. onto the glass shards. Thanks for the symbol, won't visit the Facebook page (dangerous). These kinds of people are very sticky, so it's wiser to just thank him and send energy astrally.

On a different level, I had read the first few chapters of the thought yoga book. It went into great detail on how to influence people and push one's agenda on them. I saw that the religious man has some serious issues himself. While he means well, he's partially blinded by the tension in his own mind. I wish him all the best.

Singing bowls

A few days ago I tried the singing bowls again and realized something obvious. Probably the correct way to use a singing bowl is to visualize it being one of your chakras, and then make it vibrate. One of those bowls on the heart chakra caused a few flashes of light and boosted the internal flame quite a bit (cleared some of the soot off the psi channels). Flashes of yellowish white light I've seen several times per day recently.

Petrification

Happened to read about the Sansevero Chapel. Plenty of occult symbolism, statues that are impossible to sculpt and other bizarre stuff.

Started to wonder about the statues. Thanks to synchronicity, found a site (Google Translate from Russian) describing different methods of petrification (converting things into stone). Original link for native Russian readers. This also clears up a lot of confusion that I had regarding some granite megaliths in America with handprints in them.

Logical but just didn't occur to me in this context before. It's possible for one element to carry the essence of another and re-manifest it.

Today I realized that I've been using time to separate and categorize my experiences. Shouldn't do that. Shouldn't tie them to time.

Dreams

One of them: walked outside, through the apartment wall. It's snowing. "What the, snowing in late July? Pff .. Estonian Summer (TM)"

Another: woke up somewhere else. Knew I was somewhere else before opening the eyes. Couldn't remember where, though. Red rubber flooring, cheap bed, barely any furniture. Moved the blanket aside, stood up and went looking for the bathroom. Had travelled a lot with Mom and arrived late last night. An acquaintance of an acquaintance offered a place to stay for the night. The host came and greeted me. An indie .. they're very rare around here. Felt a bit embarrassed at first, as I didn't have any daily clothes on. He didn't even pay attention to such a minor detail. Anyway, some time later Mom also woke up and we left. Astral - no hassle with any doors, as all of them are open or there are no doors. Also, the sunlight and the buildings - everything was far brighter and more vibrant than in this realm. Yup, definitely astral. We were going downhill. ..::WeEEeeE::.. Hopped to the ground, tummy first, to bounce into the air and fly around. Note that I don't have a beer belly, but still .. seemed like a fun thing to do. Mom was a bit more grumpy.

Becoming younger

An interesting remark from a colleague today: "You're becoming younger!"

Recently I've been seeing flashes of golden light from around the head. Saw the golden light for a longer duration today as well. It's interesting that at first it's easier to see it during a cloudy day.

Came home, ate and took a nap (which is different from the usual routine). Managed to slip deep into the meditative half-dream states without falling asleep.

Das Detachment

On Monday and Tuesday I had unconditional love, happiness and heat flowing round and about. On Wednesday there was a local peak in stress. On Thursday it transformed into a local peak in depression. It was a combination of many things:

• Exponentially growing amount of work with a negative timeline.
• One of the best colleagues in the project still severely ill (has been weeks) with no signs of getting better.
• Have been missing deep sleep stages for some time (sleep deprivation).
• Probably some of it from friends (M. Grubb's brother; and another friend with tough times), via empathy.

So, I had been working on detachment .. which wasn't all that successful, either. Today morning I sneezed once and felt something leave. Some kind of a dark cloud around me was gone (everything looked brighter and more colourful) and I felt a lot better. Felt like enjoying a 1.5 h hike to the meeting. Detachment had its effect and I couldn't help but notice again just how sad nature / Earth is. As a familiar side-effect to detachment, I could see the light that shines through everything and my emotions had an immediate effect on the weather. This yielded some cool weather phenomena:

• Sky with high contrast - patches of thick clouds and cracks of clear sky.
• Mild rainfall with thick clouds and a small opening where the sun shines through, producing a column of light.
• Medium snowfall with the sun shining through.

In addition, focused detachment produced a feeling of weight-reduction, several realizations and flashbacks.

OBEChain

A lot of daily naps and messy sleep schedule during the weekend. This yielded a lot of sleep paralysis and OBE. Though, none of the events were planned and didn't do much useful while out. Simply found myself around different parts of the body, trying to move the body without success. Eventually bounced back into body and then out again shortly after. Once found myself on my nose (which was huge, compared to the cloud of consciousness. Tried to scratch the nose from there without much of a success.

Due to a messy sleep schedule, most of the time I spent in shallow dream states. Shallow dream states I've often used for healing or plumbing energy channels. So, most of the dreams have been related to that. In one of the dreams I glanced at a mirror image of myself. I was baffled by the haircut. In the physical realm, I have short hair since .. well .. visiting the barber. In the dream somehow I had both long (longer than I've ever had) and short hair simultaneously.

Each time I relaxed and slipped into deeper dream states, I saw a flash of light. Experimented with this for some time, wondering where the light came from.

Finally got raw EEG data from Emotiv headset in linux. A lot of libraries but all of them needed / still need modifications to get them working. This weekend I've also been playing with ArtRage and Unity a bit. Last week I decided to start working on one of the old game ideas. Previously I've always started out with something "simple" and eventually found a lack of motivation to finish the projects. This time I'll go at it different. This game I've been postponing for more than 10 years, considering it too challenging. This is also to blame for the messy sleep schedule =D.

Today morning my eyes were very tired, so I tried an old exercise again. Laid in bed on my back and covered eyes with my palms. Then focused into the distance of pitch black. It had immediate effect on the eyes, but more interestingly there was something about this dark emptiness that was different. I felt as if I was being drawn out of body and into the darkness. It also felt as if there was something there, which I had not noticed before.

Metal sphere

Started focusing on the bindu on the top of the head a couple of days ago. The first night I found a very bright white light on top of the head. In the previous years, I've seen it as yellow or golden but not white like that.

I've been feeling alone .. with an urge to do something amazing. However, nothing feels amazing. Well, digging into meditation, psychokinesis, ufology, conspiracy theories might be the closest. So I visited Mark's forum and saw a post by nowforever13:
http://psychicinvestigation.forumotion.com/t2935-small-metal-ball-with-strange-writting

He showed a small metal ball with a strange writing.

Drew it up and thought it looked like an illustration of a procedure of some sort (shapeshifting?).

The same sequence repeats around the sphere (twice?). It looks as if the dot symbolizes the beginning or the end. When read from the right, there's an arc (marks the quarter of a sphere?) with a plus. Then, 3 more plus signs appear. Three of them on the top merge into a line, as does the plus sign in the middle. Then the lines merge and a part of the arc is pulled inward (close but not touching the top line). The way the arc changes its shape, made me associate the illustration with shapeshifting. Don't know what the plus signs and lines are about, though. Anyway .. exciting enough, so I browsed the web for alien languages, metal spheres and crop circles:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Paranormal/comments/1lrqj5/this_is_driving_me_crazy_metal_balls/
http://hauntedohiobooks.com/news/materializing-mediums-and-flower-apports/ 

Edit: For comparison, dad referenced this sphere story:

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Recently I've been playing Hitman a lot. Probably it has made its way into the dreams. There was a young girl, who got trapped into a foster care of some sort. I thought both parents were dead, but then someone turned up: "We have a problem. Her mother has suddenly become a millionaire, learned levitation and telekinesis." I found it inspiring and wondered how that could be a problem at all.

---

Birthday. Visited a small shop on my way home, because I felt like it. Rational vs. irrational mind. There are larger stores near home, why go there? Went there .. "See? No cakes. Period." Eventually found something that caught my attention. The only cake-like thing, which was on the cookie shelf. Read the contents .. "It contains rum (in addition to a lot of additives) and is not suitable for children." Bought it anyway, wondering why I would do that.

While on the bus, I realized that I could think about it this way: someone brings / offers cake, I look at the contents and start whining. Wouldn't that be, like, arrogant or something? There's cake and I should be happy about it, no matter what sort of cake.

Well, it happened that dad stopped by, and brought salad and a large chocolate cake as well. Then sister appeared with fruits and a friend of hers (stranger for me). So, all in all there were five of us, plus a cat.

Different path

Yesterday a part of me expressed respect towards everyone who is still climbing the hill as well as towards everyone who haven't taken up the challenge. Some time later I noticed that the part of me had given up - too much effort to continue climbing.

Today something changed. Used to feel dull and sleepy. Drank 2 mugs of cappucino + cocoa from the vending machine. This made it a bit difficult to maintain proper control of the body. Haven't used coffee for quite some time.

Weather was a bit weird too. The sky was clear and then suddenly in about 15 minutes, it was so foggy that it was difficult to see more than 10 meters. On our way back to the town, something changed. I lost a part of personality (or it became different). On my way home, I noticed that I could see things either the same way as I used to, or in a different way (through the thick overlay that I've accumulated on things with all these years).

While at the laptop, I saw several flashes of light and darkness around me (coming somewhere from behind or above the head). At the same time, there has been a certain calmness and tummo has been perhaps slightly more active.

Golden lights

A few days ago, daily events were really confusing. Tens of meetings and telecons creeped up on me, filling up several days. At some moment, I thought: "Leave me alone!" The next morning, all meetings got cancelled (people realized they had posted on the wrong dates, people forgot meetings, etc.) .. except one, and in the midst of confusion, I forgot about that one (and went to work instead). Also, there was one day during which nobody understood me. I ended up posting a lot of references and citing my own words, but still it was as if they couldn't see my words at all.

Came to visit grandparents, to help with grandpa's new book. The gate has a code lock and occasionally I've worried about remembering the code (I use it so rarely). When I've been with someone else who remembers the code, I have not been able to remember it. However, when I've been alone and without any source to check the code from, I've somehow managed to enter the correct code on first attempt. Although the code just popped into mind again, I was still worried about whether or not it would work. Well, as it turned out, the code was correct but the lock was broken and I still had to call grandparents to open the gate for me.

It might be about 1 month or perhaps even 1.5 months of celibacy .. and I'm having digestion problems again, coupled with active sexual energy. Semi-consciously I let anti-celibacy material creep into my dreams last night. I hope this will pass without any serious energy leaks.

Noticed golden lights above the head for a few times today morning. Felt the familiar distortions of psi field around the head again as well.

It's starting to feel like the blockages are gradually dissolving while internal heat is slowly increasing.

Emotion transformer

I've been applying this method again recently:

I've used it while I'm walking to work, walking back home or sleeping.

Meditated for a bit yesterday evening before a nap, too.

Had a proofreading session of my article today, at a colleague's friend's place. It started out quite stressful. Not because of the article, the article was fine. The event was stressful because I was at someone else's place and it was full of cats. Put forth a lot of effort in trying to limit my energy output, empathy, geisting and all that. This made me a bit nervous, which the proofreader seemed to have picked up, or at least I think so. Because after about an hour, some sort of malevolent energy started manifesting. I found it a bit strange that the cats did not react any different, although the strange mood was on positive feedback and getting amplified. There was a small geist (a snapping sound). Remembered my only way out of such a situation - visualizing a beautiful landscape and focusing on the light. The proofreader subconsciously grabbed the visualization and focused on his own light that was shining through. The mood transformed instantly. I was a bit baffled at how well it worked out, so I probed him every now and then, to verify the strength of his focus. He had subconsciously taken the inspiration and already grown it in (designed his own visualizations and stuff). Also saw a few flashes of white light, while visualizing some pretty sunlight.

On my way back home, I encountered a few places where I also sensed some darkness looming. Observed the packages of feelings + images and turned them a bit, which made them more cheerful. Had a few flashbacks and remembered an early experience when I saw the light. It happened after a choir performance, back in the days of primary school.

At the gym, I stared at the clouds while doing a warm-up on the rowing ergometer. The last time at the gym, I doubled the warm-up time to see if it would get me tired or not. The issue is that being bored, the mind will start generating all sorts of thoughts like "How many more minutes to go? I must be tired or something." This time staring at the clouds helped to work around this problem.