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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Filling the blanks

I had set myself a goal to overcome the health issue with my lungs and heart, and to get back on the spiritual track by my birthday. I missed the goal and got sick right after my birthday. The prior posts were about the recovery.

Anyway, last Monday I took two cakes to work. Fell sick before I got to the second cake, so it had to wait for a week. Yesterday I just forgot to take the cake back home. Today marked exactly 1 week past its expiry date. I was a bit sad that I had failed to share the cake, but I also didn't want to share a cake that's a whole week past expiry. Regardless, a couple of former colleagues decided to take the risk and take some slices too. I hope it was okay .. well, for me it was but that's a whole different scale. Finished the cake, which was a relief.

Well, actually it would not have been a waste in any case even if it had gone bad. A box of chocolate candy with brandy filling was a perfect demonstration of that. I don't even remember what was the occasion but I remember accepting it even though I knew there would be nobody to eat them, for I don't want to consume things which contain alcohol. Decided to open up the package while I was ill (hey, dizzy anyway so who cares, right .. right?). It was crawling with worms. The worms seemed happy. This made me feel happy, for nature never really lets anything go to waste.

On Sunday evening I thought I would try a new video game or something (have a long list of good games I've never played). Uncle called for minor financial support. Booted Windows, made the transfer. Windows Updates. I particularly enjoyed the progress bar with percentage going up to 70% and from there on to 68%, then to 67%, after which it rebooted back into Linux several times.

The 1 hour which I had considered to use up for gaming, had been used up for the Windows update. Though, it was all nice and dandy because it forced me to work on my goal (had to be healthy for work on Monday) and meditate.

In the meantime, Windows had finished its updates, so I nudged the cat off my lotus pose and resumed the warmup of this squeaky seat behind the keyboard. All hell had broken loose on the Discord server. Sloppily ironed it out more-or-less, and went to bed. Had a difficulty getting my mind off of it. Focusing on my breath did not work all that well, either, because new stuff kept coming to mind. It was stuff seeping out of the heart chakra with which I had had trouble throughout the past few years. Then suddenly it occurred to me why I was on that server in the first place. I had always thought that since leaving would be painful, that would be exactly what I'd have to do. But then others did it using my long-planned method, thwarting all my evil plans. I don't really feel like I belong there, similar to how I don't feel like I belong anywhere, really. So, the server had just been taking up my time and my addiction to it somewhat getting on my nerves. Well, I realized that that's exactly the reason of me being there - it makes it more difficult to concentrate. By practising concentration while letting the server distract it, I might make better progress than without the server.

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