Also on Sunday I visited the youngest uncle again, replaced a couple of capacitors on his desktop PC motherboard, installed a couple of new SATA cables and solved a configuration issue. Casually mentioned that I was quite inspired by Keanu Reeves' shooting practice video that had recently gone viral on FB. For me, the uncle still resembles Neo from The Matrix. A lot of my life inspiration comes from the uncle. He was a teenager when I was a few years old. Back then he regularly practised Karate and fighting with sticks. He also meditated at the seaside every morning during sunrise. At night, he practised light-stepping and sensing the environment in pitch black darkness. While sleeping, he practised OBE. Occasionally with the youngest uncle and the youngest aunt we would enjoy an evening tea in the old barn house, having intelligent discussions of existential questions .. reading stories of great yogis and saints. To top it off, uncle played the guitar and sang. He even had a band where he played electric guitar. That all changed when he turned towards religion and got married. He said he still watches a lot of Kung Fu movies. In relation to this, I decided that I want to restart my Karate training at some point.
Sunday night, I went digging for old scars in the mind or subtle bodies and realized an interesting concept.
Imagine a sphere of a gradually increasing diameter. Let's say the sphere gets a scar and as it grows, the area of the scar also grows larger. As time progresses, small scars appear on top of the large old scars. It starts to look like a fractal landscape or something, with ridges and mountains growing out of ridges and mountains. At some moment it's difficult to tell the old scars apart from the landscape. But also, the old scars have shaped all the other landscape features that have formed on top.
Rooted out one of those old scars and fell asleep. A lot of tension was released in the abdomen. Woke up and had diarrhea. Wasn't feeling too well that day. Shivered occasionally (for me it was cold) and found it quite difficult to form sentences. One of the colleagues mentioned he thought he smelled something burning and then suddenly the smell was gone. This reminded me that I had also had a similar event on Sunday (the smell of something too warm in a room without such heat sources).
Monday night I removed the pillow and slept on my back again, hoping for an OBE or something. Practised pulling myself together (literally, but shall explain that later). Somehow this associated with a spontaneous visualization of sitting at a bonfire, where the bonfire and the one sitting both felt like myself. In the physical realm, the bonfire happened to be located roughly at the heart chakra. At the same time, there was a tension at the third eye, I think. Also, a strong smell of clay burning was in the air. Eventually the heart chakra gave way and the blob of heat moved up to the head. Tried to maintain it at the bindu on top of the head but it wasn't enough to melt it open. Fell asleep.
A violent and "meh" dream of something medieval. Mayhaps I've played too much Divinity again?
Suddenly I woke from the dream as a face appeared in front of me. I was sleeping while partially inside the wall, near the corner of the room. I found it strange that the ceiling was not white. Instead, there was wallpaper all over it. Very carefully did I observe the face that was staring at me. The face had distinct characteristics that had a faint similarity to the deceased uncle. But this was not my uncle. There was a Russian man in his 60s (I guess) staring at me. His eyebrows were white, his eyes were more apart than usual (but it still looked normal). Hmm .. wrote brown eyes at first, but when I think about it, it should've been gray eyes. He had faintly noticeable eye bags and wrinkles. Overall, his face was very vivid and consistent - nothing seemed abnormal or out of the ordinary. Well, except for the fact that he was in my room - entities shouldn't enter here. He had an aura of a long-time martial arts practitioner (blunt but at the same time accurate and gentle). He listed everything that was wrong with me:
- low concentration,
- low willpower,
- indecisiveness,
- lack of enthusiasm to wake up early,
- lack of enthusiasm to work,
- etc..
He said some stuff that did not make too much sense (proposed a basic exercise, I think). He then asked questions, expecting me to answer .. in Russian? Come on ..
To be honest, out of political circumstances and propaganda, I'm a bit prejudiced against Russia and very cautious of people speaking Russian. Especially when they "invade" my dreamscape (the most sacred spot of land that the ego has).
Tried waking up for a few times, but could not.
He left the view, towards the right and also phased into the wall. He then asked me something that I did not understand. Asked him "Što?" As a response, he slapped me because I shouldn't have even needed words for communication. It didn't hurt, in fact, I was surprised it was so weak that I barely felt it at all. Anyway, he asked me to imagine summer trainees from India and describe to him what they are like (without actually speaking). In order to do this, I had to climb out of the wall and move to the middle of the room because otherwise he wouldn't have seen anything (he was embedded in the wall, after all). At first I tried to portray the physical characteristics of them (darker skin, usually a bit brighter clothing). So far I've gotten the impression that they are always very active and enthusiastic, but didn't get an idea how to express that. Then it occurred to me that the last summer student was very talkative but lacked in deep concentration. Following an attempt at expressing that, the strange man started laughing, leaned backwards through the wall and disappeared. Woke up instantaneously. Five minutes before the morning alarm (even though today I didn't actually need to wake up that early).
Pulling myself together.. If you imagine an enlightened being, then they would be a whole. In order to be a whole, one should associate value to existing and being a whole. Nowadays there's a lot of info and misinfo moving around, some of which is contradicting. On one hand, one should let go of themselves and give up everything. On another hand, one should value themselves. I had sort of given up the value of being a whole .. and disintegrated partially (lost the point of existence). Instead, it's more meaningful to integrate oneself, as opposed to derivation. Thus, literally pulling myself together by focusing both attentions inside the body and trying to keep them there. Otherwise there wouldn't be much of a chance of melting the bindu points and achieving the mind and body of a Buddha.
Hiked through rain to a meeting (or a day of meetings). Sometimes saw the all-permeating light through the clouds and asphalt. Today it was exceptionally easy to form sentences. A lot of meetings in foreign languages .. and everything seemed to have gone quite fluently.
A lot of blab. Just like this blog post. Very talkative but a lack of deep concentration. Sweet irony, which is worth laughing over .. laughing so hard that one would fall through the wall backwards. Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment