Ego-slaps

Today I write.

A few days ago I was browsing for tents. Recognized a couple of red all-season tents from some old OBEs where I was all confused by the geometry. Oh well, those tents don't seem to be on the list anymore (were there 2 days ago).

Yesterday I joined sister for grandfather's event where he presented his book. I had no idea what was going on, I tried to just .. go with the flow. Strange stuff happened. We visited a graveyard. The graveyard was ok (as in, not strange).

There was some sort of a graveyard holiday or something, where people gathered to listen for a priest singing songs and expressing grief for everyone who had died in the past couple of years. To my own surprise, I found it more interesting than I ever have (in my more general opinion, priests have the tendency to be boring). I listened to the priest's words and replaced them with Castaneda's terminology in my mind. Since it was cold, which always seems to be the case at a graveyard, I tried to stop my internal dialogue and focus on the sensation of warmth that was inside me somewhere. At some moment it worked and it was no longer cold. It also occasionally happened that I got entrained to the surroundings, feeling the trees, the air, the ground. Tried to keep it filtered, though, to not fall into the "pit of depression" that the people were "digging" there.

At the place of a relative, grandparents were a little surprised when I said I had been there. Well, I'm pretty sure I was there with them. Took a glass of juice and sat down on the couch, or at least I thought I did. Bang, half of the juice flew up and out of the glass. I marvelled the shape of the juice flying in the air. Managed to keep my suit pants untouched by the blob of juice before it hit the floor. I was a bit puzzled as to how it happened. As I had started pouring the juice into the glass, I got the feeling that I'll drop it one way or another. So I tried to be exceptionally careful in holding the glass strongly, watching my step and everything. However, for some reason I had forgotten that the couch was not in level with the chair where grandfather was sitting .. the couch was like another meter towards the back. As the butt was on its way towards the ground, I realized the couch wasn't that low. However, due to having done physical exercises fairly recently, I miscalculated the reaction of the muscles. Well, the situation was very embarrassing and at the same time so absurd and funny that I found it difficult not to laugh at myself and the whole event.

While driving to another place, I was looking out of the window again - because the inside of the car becomes boring too quickly. We passed an array of bushes or trees, which had wooden sticks as supports. One of the bushes stood out (only one out of perhaps 10 or so), as my interpretation of it was really weird. In perspective, the support sticks moved in impossible angles. Couldn't wrap my mind around it at first, then thought that my brain had probably pieced the animation together in the wrong direction. Although this behaviour is normal, it seemed strange that it would only occur for one specific bush, while everything else around it was perceived normally.

Another event. Sister was playing guitar and singing, so I was asked to hold the microphone. After she finished, a lady came with a microphone stand.

I was given a book to deliver to the relative from two paragraphs before. Having already "washed" their floor, I wanted the book to remain clean from whatever influence I might have on it (sweaty hands, for example). Well, having slept for just a few hours and eaten a minimal amount, I was both tired as well as hungry. So even though I tried to control it, I yawned and some saliva flew on the book cover. Fcuk. Wiped it away, noticed that I had missed a couple of spills, then wiped those away and so on. Realized how inevitable it all was.

The point was not in avoiding influence (as I've tried to do the whole life), but to realize that sterility is as selfish as the lack of sterility.

Anyway, when the graveyard "festival" had yielded a cold, windy, rainy weather, then the book ceremony flipped it all around. The sky was clear, sun was shining and it was quite hot outside. Mass-emotions sometimes seem to have a significant influence on weather.

Some stuff randomly changed again. Grandparents had planned to leave me to the relative's place so that I would eat there and go home with aunts. That did not happen, so we postponed eating again. The driver was hungry, as were sister and I. So we ate in the car, while grandparents were visiting an old friend, who stayed at a healthcare institute. Visited the bathroom there. The place looked as if crowded with zombies. Staying at a place with nothing reasonable to do, they had all become absent-minded in record time. In my opinion one could achieve wonders by just giving them a garden to take care of.

Today I wrote.