Different

For the past couple of days I've been practising concentration the way I used to -- force the internal dialogue to become silent and then observe the surroundings. Occasionally I've been getting spontaneous moments of silence. Sometimes I've been hearing & feeling the central flame reaching the top of the head.

Last night I had chewed chewing gum for helping to clean the teeth. Took a couple of wasabi rice crackers and went to bed. An hour or two later, the stomach was full of spots of pain. Felt like throwing up. Targeted the spots one at a time and "zoomed in" on them, until I saw the spot in two. As I observed them as two spots that simply did not play well together, they changed. It was as if they became decoupled and no longer attacked each-other. Like that, one by one the spots of pain disappeared.

Ego-slaps continued today. It almost feels as if I've woken up in a wrong body again. I'm not the same as I remember, but neither is the world around me.

Today at work a summer-student notified me that we had missed the registration for lunch (apparently they had cleared the table and deadline was before coming to work). Oh well. So I went around and asked if anyone else had missed theirs. It seemed that everyone else who had, had brought food with them. Which reminded me that as I withdrew some cash and passed the market in the morning, it did occur to me to buy lunch with me, for change. I thought properly cooked warm food was a lot better, and walked past the possibility to buy really good pastry and dairy products. Anyway, this made some emotions boil, which I turned into willpower, took a bus (perhaps had to wait at the bus stop for a minute or two) to a nearby town and ate at a pub. Good food. Somehow timing was perfect so that I got the next bus back to work without even having to wait a second at the bus stop. I was amazed at the flow and synchronicity of it all.

Yesterday I once thought that since I had forgotten to wash the clothes (especially the socks and shorts), I have developed a good excuse for not going to the gym today. But as we arrived home last night, I soon realized that father had read my mind, visited home with his new girlfriend and done everything that I had forgotten to.

So, went to gym. :: where is the key? :: I always put it here and I always double-check it before leaving :: wait, where is the lock? :: I always put it here .... .. yada yada ::
Somehow I had left the lock and the key on the bench at the gym. Very strange that I would've been that absent-minded. Noticed that body behaved a bit different. It truly felt as if I'm in someone else's body with their bodily memories. My behaviour and sense of humour today were also quite different at work. The older unpredictability, focus, spontaneous happiness and freedom are returning.