A summary

Just a summary of recent observations.

Sometimes while laying down onto the bed with my eyes closed, I've noticed a white glow around the pillow. One night I removed the pillow and laid down on my back, instead, but the white glow was still there. So, the glow lingers.

I think it might've been on Tuesday or Wednesday morning that the sky was cloudy but I saw the light shining through everything. The light was not yellow nor golden but orange.

Last week I read Tarot cards for myself, and it indicated a lot of self-issues in love-life. Also, just as I picked up the Tarot deck before the reading, I suddenly had a strong tingling in both legs up to knees. Anyway, since that reading I had been feeling distant and struggled with letting go.

Yesterday a cousin came for a visit, and somehow the timing of everything was perfect regardless of the fact that I did not know any of it beforehand.

Electronic dog leash and a vase

Recently I've been having some trouble with energy rising and blockages getting in the way. First kidneys aching, then stomach, then chest (heart the most), then the base of the throat. Head feels like there's quite a bit of energy going through it as well. Need to learn to relax again.

Dream: Dog leash

There was a man walking a dog in the city. I walked past the man. He had some kind of a blue thing in his hand, which made an awful noise. Not audible for physical beings but awful for the non-physical. I walked to about 15 m in front of him, and threw the blue thing back to him. Then told him that I wanted to talk to him and asked him to power off the blue thing. He had an ordinary dog leash as well anyway. Ok, he switched the blue thing off. The dog then came closer, wrapped the leash around me and then we just played with the dog for some time.

Dream: Vase

Woke to find a colleague and several people in my apartment whom I had not met before. We had to go somewhere, whereas I was taking my time. Went downstairs to a canteen or something to have breakfast. Others went outside, but at some point one of them returned with a vase.

He gave me the vase and said he was sorry for breaking the previous one. I was confused, for I didn't think I had ever had a vase to begin with. I thanked him and his kindness. It was a white vase with a diagonal edge. There was also some water in the vase. As I looked at the water, I noticed that there was something small in it. The more I looked at it, the more it grew. Plants, some of them I recognized as edible, but wasn't sure about the rest. I think eventually one of them grew into a bamboo and the more I tried to open it to eat it, the thicker and stronger it became. There were some stains in the roots but otherwise it was really strong. I told the guy that I would need to look at some YouTube videos to learn how to eat it. Both of us laughed a bit.

Attempts to relax

Took a nap, felt as if I could sleep forever. While having some dreams and false awakenings from them, I tried to relax the body. Slowly slipped out of body each time. Earlier I had also started hearing loud noises when I relaxed enough. As I temporarily woke and closed my eyes again, I could see the room with eyes closed for a bit, but eventually it faded. Vision was rather blurry with eyes closed.

Sad cake

We had Halloween cake with little ghosts which had faces and facial expressions on them. Yesterday me and mom skipped the cake in the evening and when we opened it up again today, then the only ghost which was left on the cake, looked as if it were crying. It was so sad that we had eaten the other ghosts and left only one, and then even skipped a day.

Hypnagogic flash of light

Tried visualizing an imaginary gf. It seemed to have worked for a couple of days. The body's healing processes seemed to have sped up quite a bit, and the energy intensity was almost constantly very close to the limits of what I thought I could handle.

Then at some point it stopped working. Eventually I realized my mistake. I suspect that I wasn't capable of visualizing a completely unknown person. The mind probably picked someone who looked or acted the most similar. That's not what I had in mind, so I tried to undo it.

Relaxed, visualized the bond, and then ::blinding flash of light::, and the bond was not there anymore. I wonder if the flash of light was some sort of energy freed from the bond, or maybe I just lost consciousness / fell asleep for a moment and saw a bright hypnagogic image or something? I've experienced this flash of light before but I still haven't figured out what it is exactly.

Awkward cravings

For years, I had been looking for people who might understand me well enough such that I could talk freely about anything I wanted to. I even tried to make it as easy as I could, by openly talking about aspects which I considered to be different from those of others.

A few days ago I realized how pointless it was, and then a couple of days ago I also realized how it had caused problems. It seems that my attempts to be open have been harmful to people instead of helping anyone understand me any better. Moreover, by blabbing that much all the time, I think I've been wasting a substantial part of my breath / energy.

Thinking back on it now, I'm not sure where this craving for being understood sourced from, or why I thought it mattered to me.

Other than that, there have been some interesting synchronicities recently.

I've practised relaxing the body before sleep, and I've tried to feel more lightweight at times.

In the bathroom at work, one of the cabinets is without a light. I've been using it, for probably nobody else would. I've noticed that I've started to see better in the dark, without it having any side-effects while in full sunlight.

While meditating a bit yesterday, I saw myself in pure white. The white had a spatial distribution to it (it wasn't just a robe).

From a dream today morning, I noticed a curious detail. A group of people were discussing something, and a guy randomly mentioned the frequency of 30 MHz. It then occurred to him that I was eavesdropping, and he tried to clear the history by doing something completely random (he picked a mic and started singing).

Thought of training

I thought that there wouldn't be anyone in the woods this late in the evening. I was almost right .. but the training grounds were still occupied. Moreover, most of the things were taped to avoid people training in there.

While I also considered just jogging, then, the smell of chemicals or something burning did not feel too inviting, either.

Met a sad footballer who had an even more serious problem than me. I haven't been training for years, whereas his body can't stand it if he doesn't train regularly.

The woods themselves were empty, though, and I could enjoy the moon shining through the trees occasionally. It created a somewhat surreal scene sometimes.

Although I did bring a headlamp, I didn't use it. I found that regardless of the fact that I couldn't see anything, I would raise my hands to push aside the invisible branches as if I had seen them. Somehow I felt their presence. Probably a neat side-effect of my eye problems.

Female side

While healing the eye, I found what I had thrown away with the rest of the burden.

Balance

I've gotten the impression that every person has both a female and a male side in their non-physical bodies.

I had totally forgotten about my female side and apparently tried to throw that out with the rest of it. If I hadn't, then maybe the consequences would have been less dire or maybe nothing would have happened at all?

Anyway, during healing I re-found my left side again which I think should / should've rendered me independent again so that I would not need to rely on other people to exist.

Dark veil

After re-merging it, I noticed that there were 4 strands of consciousness running through it (backref to the 3-4 eyes and 4 people from previous post). Separating these strands was the good old familiar dark fog / veil. I decided to remove the dark fog and let the strands re-merge.

I visualized extracting the blob of dark veil and stuffing it into a jar for maybe using it later. However, right after doing that I realized the mistake - the dark veil itself is separation and I cannot separate separation from itself. So, I let it go to rejoin itself (with a smirk because I don't think that would be possible, either).

Researching the psychological cause

Looked into the symbology from a dream dictionary and found the following relations:

• Left eye relates to the moon (which in turn to the female side)
• An issue with the eyes corresponds to clouded judgement, or not seeing things for what they really are

One potential cause for the illness could have been the fact that typically I don't really enjoy the Christmas parties at grandparents' place. It somewhat feels like a job to go there and keep smiling to lengthen their lifespan. It has to be done but I should not treat it as the main reason for a family get-together. This could've been a minor contributing factor for the illness.

Not long before the illness I had discussed the conflicting life goals with a male friend. Considering the attempt at detachment, I acted exactly against his suggestion, which might've also been one of the contributing factors for the illness.

During the illness, I decided to take the dream from a few posts ago (clicky) and apply it.

Discussed the conflicting life goals with a female friend. The discussion eased my fears somewhat. There's no point in being afraid of something which might or might not happen in some future. If it happens, it happens (and need to deal with it then) and if it does not, then there was no reason to worry about it in the first place. Such worries could have also been one of the contributing factors for the illness.

Glowing cat

Slept a lot yesterday and still felt quite tired. As a hypnagogic image I saw myself looking down on the cat on the floor, looking up to me.

There was also something similar to an astral projection experience where I moved through the apartment. I noticed that the lamp in the corridor was very dimly lit. Wondering why, I went closer. While this might've been overlay already, I saw that the lamp was covered with pieces of cloth so that it would not shine that bright at night.

Today morning I saw the cat glowing red from underneath his fur again. This is at least the 2nd if not the 3rd time in total. This kind of vision faded away in maybe about 10 seconds or so.

Built Hamel's oscillator (clicky for Steven Dufresne's version) yesterday / today but similarly to what was stated in his book, neodymium magnets tend to be too strong for it. They dampen the oscillations too much. I thought it wouldn't be that much of a problem given the distance between the magnets in my setup.

Revisiting the wax cube

The last week ended with a few days of pain, with my left eye burning and pouring tears. As it turned out, it was just a flu, which entered through the weakest point in the body and took down the immune system.

I guess the body couldn't take the bottled pain, sadness and tears anymore. So, I decided to start unraveling the wax cube (clicky) by focusing on painful regions in the body. Some of them released jolts of sharp pain and a wave of cold shivers.

While the eyes were not functioning too well, I practised seeing with closed eyelids again.

Yesterday I happened to take a bus at the time when the school day ended and a lot of schoolkids entered the bus. A short girl joked about hanging herself on one of the handles for standing passengers. I conjured an evil smirk without moving a muscle on my face. I still looked straight ahead with a dead serious face. This contrast between the evil smirk and serious face caught her attention and she started checking my face whenever she thought she was about to say anything bad. Don't joke about death, kids.

Grid of light

is not a grid of light, judging by today morning.

Due to a problem with the eyes (had maybe rubbed them too much because of which they started to burn), I had slept on my back until morning. When I opened my eyes in the morning, I saw a glowing overlay of wood pattern. This pattern had no relation to the room background. I could only see the glowing overlay with my eyes open. It faded in a short while. I conclude that it was not due to pressure on the eyes which was my previous theory.

While I have no idea what causes me to sometimes see different patterns of light.

Explosive empathy

Vortex on top of the head

A colleague gave a lecture at my course, which in itself is nothing special. Though, she used white slide background and sat in front of the projector screen. I got to witness the translucent cone / vortex that humans seem to have on top of their head. It's barely visible, unless one looks directly over the head of another person and they move in front of a bright background. In such case, the cone can be seen as a shadowy triangle pointing down to the top of their head.

I noticed that it seemed easier to focus on the top of her head than mine. Probably due to some blockages in my system. Found it mildly interesting but left things as is.

Just act normal

While waiting for the bus, an unknown girl in blue jacket approached the bus stop. For some reason, there was an "explosion" of empathy similar to what I've experienced once before. Couldn't find the references though. There were numerous acquaintances around so I tried to act normal, having small-talk while monitoring the behavior of that girl.

She stared and glanced at me while trying to hide it and act normal. It seemed as if she wanted to tell me something that she considered important but couldn't get to it because I was always busy chatting with someone else. She grew more and more annoyed as her stop approached. Ah well.

Tariff-man ..

.. to flip the tables at Wall Street.

Anyway, scheduled an order for buying some more stocks on Friday. Glanced at the wall of green and wondered if I should buy some other shares as well .. probably not, the price is up quite significantly.

Then on the weekend a buddy shared señor Trump's tweet regarding his market wars with China. On Monday all shares were about -5% already in the pre-market. Ah well.

Dream: Electronics

Saw a lot of different kinds of electronics in the dreams.

There was some kind of a simple device made of fairly robust components (old soviet BJTs, electrolyte caps, through hole diodes, etc.) that I had powered up on my shelf. Whenever I touched it, there was an arc of ESD from my finger to the closest component. However, the device didn't seem to mind. So I just poked at it and watched the arcing for fun.

Then there was some kind of a device which had an integrated circuit. I looked at it with quite a lot of zoom so I could poke around on the chip die. Accidentally chipped the die and had to undo.

Not electronics but there was also something plumbing-related (means energy-work) in one of the dreams.

Flu?

The colleague to whom I've rented a room, probably caught a flu and was taken to the hospital today.

Burned some incense and invested into garlic, lemon, ginger as well as a bunch of herb tea.

Found myself a bit tired today, as well. Though, in a different way. Suspected a geomagnetic storm. According to SolarHAM, the Kp index reached 5 twice today. Not too spectacular but still something.

Anyway, today I noticed that I would see things differently. In my mind's eye, I could look at objects from many angles at once, and I could zoom in or out. For example, as I observed the table, then I got an overview of the emotions that have lingered around it, as well as a vague hint about when people have been around it, etc. The same with the floor, the ceiling, the trees outside the window, as well as the blood vessels and skin in this body. Additionally I noticed that I could maintain a calm blank mind for longer.

Seems like the good old side-effects of OBE, even though I don't think I had any last night. Only had shallow dreams, which is why I woke tired, I think.

Also, yesterday evening I balanced a frying pan spade and tried psychokinesis on it. I saw the psi or whatever it is that looks like smoke or shadows caused by light shining through warm air .. around the cold spade which was balanced on a cold pan cover. Regardless of what I saw around it, the spade didn't even twitch.

Mild headache

A bit tough to read the books this way.

Watched Flying Witch on the weekend, and found it to be good. Very good character design, good animation, very nice backgrounds and what surprised me the most, it was thoroughly positive (most of my faves are so dark even I don't want to watch them) and yet it was addictive even without deep story.

Random telempathy

While enjoying the queue (it's a national thing or something) at the canteen yesterday, there was a girl from the cosmology dept. in front of me, and an old man from meteorology some distance behind me. The meteorologist has been working abroad for most of his life, so he speaks and thinks a bit strange (in addition to being very talkative). While she did not express it, the cosmologist was annoyed about the way that the meteorologist was chatting with a stellar physicist. As I observed the thought / emotion of the cosmologist, she realized (at least it seemed so) that I was eavesdropping (may have caused it to be amplified a bit). She glanced at me and quickly stopped being annoyed.

That wolf-blood-moon or whatever

I treat the name with ignorance because it's a fashion label that is meant to sound epic but it does absolutely no justice to the actual phenomena.

Hadn't slept too well, so I missed the full eclipse but still ended up "hiking" through the snow to the bus station early enough to witness a part of it. An awesome timing, with a clear sky and the moon descending in front of me and the sun rising behind me. While I wouldn't have woken up specifically to see this wolf-blood-moon or whatever, I'm glad I saw it because it was visible during the 30 min morning walk which only happens like once or twice per week this month. The rest of the time I'm role-playing a bookworm.

Tapestry

For the past few weeks it has been more-or-less a nightly occurrence that I see with my eyes closed. It's usually blurry and lacks proper colors but it's the same tapestry on the wall, or the same corner of the room. Today morning I took a clementine and walked into the living room, staring at the cat on the window sill. Peeled the clementine and ate it while continuing to stare at the same spot. To some degree, I could see the floor and the clementine. Far from perfect but already quite useful (can stare at the cat).

One morning it occurred to me that a several years ago I had a dream / OBE where I entered my body and looked around the room with my eyes closed. I could see well enough that I didn't even need to open them. Enjoyed it until I was pushed back out through the wall (the original inhabitant wanted to use the body). Couldn't find the blog post to reference.

Anyway, currently my room looks very much like it did in that dream / OBE. The poster / image that I remember I mentioned in the blog post, it's neither. It's just a drawing of the Kalachakra mandala that mother gave me a few years ago.

The next night I relaxed the body and focused on the 3rd eye. Ended up focusing on it throughout the night, partially due to the crackling noises that appeared whenever I was about to fall asleep. The crackling noises have become annoyingly frequent. This was the night between Sunday and Monday. Anyway, sleeping schedule is messed up again, in addition to having a mild headache whenever the psi intensity grows too much.

Animated drawers

Took a nap in an attempt to overcome this abstainer's hangover. In one of the dreams I had to test some drawers. The first one was very broken - typical buggy mechanics in dreams. The second one was already a bit more realistic. The third was perfect - I could open and slam it however I wanted, it worked the way it was supposed to.

So, uh, visualization practice, probably. I do hope I wasn't geisting at someone's office.

Cat glowing red

Vacation, so have been sleeping a lot.

Had a dream of attending a conference far away (still on Earth, tho) and missing the bus back home. Woke on alarm.

The cat had been sleeping on the blanket, just on top of my feet. As it woke up and stretched itself, I saw it as glowing red. Everything else in my room looked normal. At first, the glowing red cloud extended beyond its fur. With the gradual fading of the cloud, in a couple of seconds I could only see the red glow from underneath its fur, and eventually I lost sight of it altogether.

Dream of flight

A summary, written during fast times.

Too much media. Probably family will be pissed about me not notifying them about my appearances.

One morning I saw through the closed eyelids again, with a matrix of light overlay. As I opened my eyes, I still saw the matrix for a couple of seconds or so before it faded away.

Yesterday I had the chance to meet a mind that thinks alike. He had not done as much research and was a bit reckless but it's rare to find people with enthusiasm about the taboo topics such as UFO, ZPE, anti-gravity and so on.

Yesterday I put forth some effort to compensate for my sleep deprivation. Today morning I fancied flying in dreams. Flew around a bit, enjoying the freedom. Woke into another dream, still desiring to fly .. realized I've been practising it wrong .. and flew across the street. Saw my supervisor and decided to descend next to him for a quick chat. Walked home, and he transformed into father, I think.

I wish I would become fluent in flying around on all layers of dreamscape. Of course, including this one that they call reality.

Edit: Recently I've also found a lot of power from folk music. Wardruna, Hu and the like. Similar to what uncle's band used to produce.

Golden Veil

Wanted to post this, as a follow-up of the Dark Veil, however, I haven't investigated the Golden Veil that much yet.

I guess that people could be born between the two veils, but sometimes cross the dark veil and become lost. If that's the case, then it would be quite difficult for them to even consider anything on the other side of the veil, including the golden veil. One would first need to penetrate the dark veil, and then gradually shift their consciousness towards the golden veil.

I've gotten the impression that the closer one gets to the golden veil, the more pleasure and happiness they would feel. They would start seeing more and more of the golden light that permeates everything and shines through matter. Material objects would seem like merely temporary facades, as if made of cardboard that has been manifested by the mind, and is empty of actual presence. Space itself would start to seem dimensionless, with large and small objects being no different.

Based on the former observations (which happen to be somewhat scattered across this blog), I would conclude that the golden veil / mist is related to manifesting matter or forming space (or space-time). Perhaps matter is simply interwoven vorticular patterns of the golden and dark mists?

As opposed to the dark mist, maybe the golden mist likes to stick together, pulling on anything that has had contact with it. At least when moving away from it, there seems to always be this longing that pulls back towards it even from beyond the dark veil.

Both veils can be seen with the mind's eye, maybe they're also directly visible, don't know. Similarly to how people who have penetrated the dark veil have difficulties living this life in this world, I got the impression that people who have penetrated the golden veil would have difficulties living in this world. Which is why I held my horses before deciding to penetrate the veil. It seems very easy to become attracted to either of these veils.

Orb avoiding obstacles

I suspect that when I was seeing blue flashes in the dark, it might've been due to having glanced at the bright red LED of the projector clock. That's because I haven't used the projector clock for months and I haven't seen the blue flashes anymore.

However, there's another phenomena that I haven't quite figured out yet. Yesterday had a visiting journalist who was making interviews. Suddenly I saw a bright golden orb float near the wall of the room. It floated past one table, at which point I moved my eyes away (so that I could no longer see it) and back. I still saw it but by that time, it had almost gone past the other table next to the previous one. It continued moving in the same direction, until it got to the rectangular pillar-like thing with sockets for electricity and ethernet cables (how's it called?). Then the orb actually curved around the pillar and continued in the same direction, just along the wall. I confirmed that I could see it with both of my eyes, first with one, then with the other (it's only visible in quite narrow viewing angles). While it's otherwise nearly impossible to estimate the size of these things or their distance, I find it amazing that they would react to objects in the room.

There's one thing about these orbs that makes me feel a bit uneasy. When looking at them, it feels as if it's emitting a lot of radiation of some sort. It feels almost like looking at a welding arc without protection .. at a distance, of course. But additionally, when I once saw one of these orbs fly past my head on my left, I felt some kind of radiation on the left side of my head .. through the skull and through the brain. Even though fun to look at, these things might not be all that healthy.

So far I haven't had anyone else telling me about these, so I suspect they probably don't see it. Well, it is a somewhat rare sight and only visible from quite limited angles.

Radioactive orb

A heapful of time since the last post again. Very busy times again. Beyond the comfort zone in so many different directions at once. On the other hand, there have also been many moments of realization.

A radioactive orb?

One day several weeks ago, I saw a bright white orb again. Thought it was an effect of my eyes, so I looked at it from various angles and also looked away and back again. The orb floated past my left shoulder. Couldn't tell its distance because it was just a point source but I assumed it was in the same room so not more than 20 cm from me. It looked like a miniature welding arc. Exceptionally bright but non-physical. It did not leave a blotch, similar to what looking into the sun would've done. Also, I couldn't see it when looking straight at it, it was only visible in the periphery. Still, by looking past it in one direction, then at it and then past it in the other direction, I saw that it remained in the same spot in space.

Not the first time that I've seen things like this. However, it was the first time that I felt the orb radiating heat. It was as if the sun (or perhaps slightly cooler than the sun) were shining on my left arm, my cheek .. as well as the rest of the face as I looked at it from different angles. That evening I felt sick unlike anything I had felt for months. After some shivers and a bit of sweating, I was completely fine the next morning again. Weird.

Had a symbolic dream one morning, and I think it might've been the same day that I met the orb.

Dream: Threatening bird

Me and a couple of cousins had climbed a tree. I noticed that the tree branches are bending too much under my weight, so I hopped off to avoid damaging the tree. (in reality, that tree has been dead for several years already) A bit sad that I can't play, I decided to walk across the yard. I was not only sad but also enjoyed the bitter-sweet feeling of loss and I was glad that I had at least spared the tree. Cousins jumped down from the tree as well, ran past me and entered a building on the other side of the yard. I decided to go there as well but some kind of a stupid bird decided to come and pester me. It tried to be as scary as possible, to keep me away from there. I didn't understand why someone would try to keep me away from there .. I've lived there several years of my childhood. What is more, this environment is in my mind and nobody is supposed to stop me from wandering safe places within my own mind. Why is some stupid bird trying to boss around. The bird (sparrowhawk, I think) landed on the roof while I was cursing it. The bird just stood there, staring at me silently, looking way more innocent than it before. I threatened the bird with death, and at that moment, some kind of a demon of death manifested behind me. I was startled by my own words, which did not seem like mine .. and woke up.

Edit: While writing this down, I think I realized what the native hostiles in my own mind are about, probably. Especially after watching some Babylon 5 episodes with battles between the vorlons and shadows. It is not me that they're hostile against, because they and I were born with the environment, the same mindscape. I myself have put up the shields and barriers to keep these places safe. What I have failed to take into account is that sometimes I'm mixed with other entities that are not safe to enter these sacred grounds (my own karma is not always my own). That's why my own guards draw their swords against me, and rightfully so. One must let go of everything that does not belong first. Obvious things that I've forgotten in this society. In the old days, the rituals accounted for all that.

Shamanic journey

The clairvoyant colleague invited me to a shamanic journey.

As a matter of coincidence, the night before the journey, one of the cousins visited. He had to stay awake throughout the night for some kind of medical research again. I let him play Factorio (the game's all about optimization), which was very effective - he got so addicted that he couldn't fall asleep.

Knowing that I would also end up with minor sleep deprivation, I tried to optimize as much as I could. Before their arrival, I took 3 hours of deep sleep. The rest of the night I had to spend in dreamless meditation in order not to participate in the zombie apocalypse as the first thing in the morning. It took me a while to get to the state where the mind was all blank, except for the feeling of my own presence. Years ago I found this to be the most efficient way to rest.

Throughout the day, I was still a bit awkward and had trouble communicating. However, I found myself happy and content with my life. My lecture was not the best but I guess it served its purpose. Had to leave early from a meeting in the evening, in order to make it to the shamanic journey on time. Left the meeting a bit too late. Thought of taking a bus but would have had to wait and would've definitely ended up being late for the event. So, took a hike and surprisingly made it exactly on time.

Most people had brought their rolling mattresses and pillows. With a blank mind, I just selected the correct spot and sat on the floor in the lotus pose. There was a pillar on my left, and two candles next to it (a small red, and a larger white candle). Colleague met a friend and took a seat on the other side of the room. Noticed that I was sitting behind an acquaintance. She asked the shaman about her dreams that involved some gray hazy figures asking for her help. The shaman didn't have an answer. I started to wonder if the shaman really was up to his task. However, the more questions he answered, the better the answers were. He had realized things that I had been wondering about for years. Also, he had good techniques for getting into the zone, opening chakras and so on. I was a bit surprised about the way he mentioned one of our good old family friends as the best shaman in the country.

The shaman then gave a short lecture on what the journeys are about and how one prepares for such a journey. I found it interesting how shamans picture the energy body, energetic blockages and thought-forms. Previously I hadn't compared humans to ents, but apparently they're pretty similar. Roots, tree trunk, branches, and thought-forms rustling like leaves in the astral wind.

Some rituals for clearing blockages, opening chakras, lowering shields between the participants, reconstructing a larger bubble around everyone, inviting friendly spirits and so on. He also distributed crystals that everyone would hold in their left palm, and later use as a reference to dream of things related to the journey. An interesting idea.

I tried to picture myself in the place where most of my spiritual dreams have taken place. It didn't work too well. It got dark and it was as if something were rising from the ground, grasping at me and trying to pull me down. I actually felt fear and didn't want to go down there .. levitated on top of the trees. Nothing happened, so I pictured myself in space, instead. Soothing .. with the shaman drums and all kinds of sounds clearing my energy blockages.

With my eyes closed and without turning my head, I saw someone to my right lift out of their body .. a white cloud in the rough form of the person.

Also, some things darted across the hall, while making strange chirping or squeaking noises. Literally, I thought mice and rats had broken loose. Except that in my mind's eye they looked like tiny crystals glowing white. The sound that they made, was very high pitched (close to the ultrasound that bats produce) and varied. They only produced sound when they moved. One of these things flew next to my right shoulder and stopped. When I started to wonder if it was indeed a mouse, then it disappeared. Later I compared the sound with the rattle that the shaman had but failed to find a way how the rattle could produce these sounds. In addition to the spatial effects (could distinguish the place where the rattle was, from all the scatterred sources of the strange sounds), the sound was different. The shaman had mentioned that rattles are pretty efficient in invoking spirits.

Heard the sound of chains as well, once. Thought the shaman made the sound.

At the end of the session, the back of my head started to hurt from lying on the hard floor. I was growing a bit restless as well, since I hadn't really experienced a journey. Moreover, despite the sleep deprivation, I hadn't even fallen asleep. So, why did I even come here, what's the point of the whole thing if I can easily get better results at home anyway? Okay, I got to listen some very inspiring answers from the shaman but still.. ::flash:: ::flash:: ::flash:: images started popping up one after another.

Just some ancient patterns and symbols (traditional clothing, some celtic-looking symbols, etc.) at first.

Then a detailed image of me and at least 2 other people sitting around a bonfire at sunset. Couldn't see their faces, just silhouettes against the red-blue gradient of the sky. The bonfire was in the nature, on a field. By sunset, the bonfire had almost died out (glowing, with some small flames and barely any smoke).

Then a round object with a metallic rim, leaning against something or placed diagonally. No visible background, just the object and its rim with some markings that looked like braille.

The shaman then played the flute to indicate our return. I focused back on the room, then body. Realized that at least partially, my consciousness actually had been away, or at least dissipated.

An interesting technique to accelerate the return of the mind to the body - drumming against different body parts with hands. That's also what we did before embarking on the journey. A simple technique but would have helped me a lot after returning from my own journeys, had it ever occurred to me - would've been less of a zombie during some university classes =D.

Walked back home with the colleague. Holy penguin how cold it was outside. It had been very warm during the day (+5 *C maybe), and during the journey it felt like it had suddenly become -20 *C. Other than that, she told stories of the geisting that she had experienced recently - kitchen utensils and books flying around, doors closing and locking themselves on their own, etc. Totally reminds me of Shy from the psychokinesis forum; I'm glad Shy managed to resolve her geisting problem. While walking past a fabric store, something knocked on the glass window on my left. I looked around and checked if I had accidentally hit one of the fastening belts on my backpack against the window but that was not the case. Street lights also went out as we walked past them.

Curious to see if something had attached itself to me, I observed if there was any geisting around me during the next few days. Besides a small object leaping off a table or a few things crackling here and there, no geisting. I was relieved. Also, dreams were normal, not even special in any way. Just felt good and found it a lot easier to connect to objects around me.

Lunch and commute chat was rather interesting, though. Some other colleagues also expressed their interest in these things. One of them is apparently a lucid dreamer and has also self-studied human psychology and dream dynamics a bit. Interesting.

Short summary

Rant

It seems that I cannot flee from the problem of having to work on a dozen different things at the same time. No matter where I go or what I do, I seem to always end up swamped in work. Need to cope with it.

Instead of working 1.5x full-time at a half-time position (and skipping holidays), I decided to leave for another job. There's still school (PhD) stuff to do (the other entity that I worked for, merged with the university), so half-time for starters. However, the company is having a hard time and another main developer left. So, I've ended up with 2x full-time at two half-time positions, with about 4 different topics that need constant context-switching. So much for going to a company for "vacation". Facepalm. I love to challenge myself, so I guess I just need to figure out how to turn it all into meditation and enjoy it.

Hint: meditate, mate

For 2 mornings in a row, I witnessed someone sitting on seats across mine and meditating in the bus. Noticed the contrast - there's someone meditating before work, and here I'm reading conspiracy subreddit and listening to Doom 3 soundtrack. That made me quite jealous. Decided to change the music genre and meditate more often.

"Cute Baphomet"

Rant aside, yesterday I stumbled upon a crappy conspiracy post on reddit .. about some journalist figuring out what the god of freemasonry was. Whatever, but for the first time I took a closer look at the Baphomet drawing (Sabbatic goat) that's generally considered the essence of all evil. However, I failed to find anything evil about it. Instead, to me it looks like a symbol of fertility and a pretty good illustration of balancing the sexual energies, and of bringing them up to the central flame. Perhaps there's a general misinterpretation of the symbol?

Started re-wondering about the tetragrammaton as well.

Auric sight

While walking to work from the bus stop one morning, I saw a bright white light across the field on my left. Turned my head towards it and looked at it directly - couldn't see it. Looked forward again, and I could still see the bright light from the peripheral vision, but soon after that it disappeared altogether.

Today while preparing slides for a lecture, I saw something shadowish come next to me to see what I was doing. I looked at it, thinking it was the cat but the cat was not in the room.

Dreams

A few nights ago I left a lecturing hall and found myself in a school building the size of a whole town. It had different wings for different levels of education but otherwise covered everything from kindergarten to postdoc. Lost my autopilot as I reached the first intersection. Never before had I paid any attention to how large the whole thing was and what all was there. Decided to glance at the library but I was disappointed at how small it was. It was just a robotic archive. Then went down another path, through some closed doors, past long halls full of server racks (the real library), until I got to an enormous cellar packed with a large amount of generators and transformers of some kind. Again mostly maintained by robots, with just a couple of engineers routinely checking some stats.

A couple of nights ago I appeared in some kid's room and taught robotics.

Saw sister come home last night (probably around when she actually did). Though, the environment looked more cluttered than this realm.

Last night I thought I hadn't flown for a while. Took off, and happened to cross realms from home streets to some place with pretty landscapes and multicolored crystal structures. The dream ended too soon, though.

Probably a lot more interesting dreams that I've forgotten to post about.

Pool construct for healing

Right after Robotex (previous post), I got a bit sick. Started blowing my nose and coughing a lot. Tried the visualization techniques from "Project Superman" for self-healing. First, a pool of water that glows blue, and provides gradual healing for pretty much no effort. Plunged into the pool, and felt better. Then, for a short while, I "upgraded" the pool so that it glowed red and healed much faster.

The mattress was full of dust mite exhaust. Verified this by taking my sleeping bag and sleeping on the floor for a few days. A heaven unlike anything else I've witnessed during the past few years. No more nose-blowing, and barely any more coughing.

The end of the world (2012) came up in random chat with a friend. Decided to look up an old post in the blog. It took 30 minutes but I was genuinely amazed and humbled at the content. I had forgotten most of the things by now.

One evening (a few weeks ago) when chatting with sister, I suddenly saw her energy field in my mind's eye. Awesome.

Found a conical hole from my astral body today. Healed it.