Uncle died

Teach me to fly

When targeting the throat chakra, focus tends to wander down towards the heart. Also, some time ago when focusing on the throat chakra, I found a construct of a large machine aimed at the center of the chakra. This machine focused consciousness into a really tiny point. When compared to my usual focus, the intensity was now inconceivable.

Alertness in the dreams has reduced a little in the meanwhile.

One of the dreams stood out. Entered a room and found Caspar flying around real happy. He had just recently learned to levitate. Wanted to learn to fly as well. I guess there was a third being (couldn't see nor sense them) in the room, who then focused on me (did sense the being then). While the being was applying focus on something inside my consciousness, various doubts surfaced. Sensed that this being wouldn't be able to help me with the doubts. These doubts would in fact disable the effort that this being put forth to help me. Tried to solve the problems and overcome the doubts as fast as I could. Feared I wouldn't be fast enough. Attempted to overcome this fear as well.

I guess I became lost in the dreams at some point. Can't remember what happened next.

Ego hurt

A nice and beautiful day.

Ego was pretty stressed and got hurt by a lot of things. To ego, everyone seemed as if geared up against it.

Cool, can focus on the top of the head again.

Felt like watching some anime. Picked "Angel Beats!" this time.

Psicat

Due to this headache, I moved the point of focus down to the throat chakra.

An interesting experience. While I was dreaming, an entity from outside the dream world came near me. That weird tingly feeling as it entered the aura and stopped at the right side of the neck. It was the same black cat from the previous post, licking the right side of my neck. That felt very weird .. cat interacting with the psi directly. Mind started to worry about it, what if the cat would suddenly bite into the neck? Since the cat was purely an energy form, I couldn't see it, I couldn't touch it, I wouldn't have been able to defend myself with that dream mind. The cat did no harm :)

Though, dreams were not as lucid as the previous nights when I put forth more effort to maintain the focus 24/7.

Today after lunch and fresh air, the headache almost disappeared. I was very happy.

Now I've moved the point of focus back to the top of the head, trying not to push it too much.

Edit: Maybe that was not a good idea. Moved focus back to the throat chakra.

Bitten by myself

Ow, right hemisphere hurts a little.

I've had problems pinpointing the bindu. So, last night I moved the point of focus a bit further back on the skull.

Several moments of consciousness being shifted into the void, without body awareness or any senses.

Switched from focusing on a point to focusing on myself sitting on the bindu. Experienced a shift of consciousness. Enjoyed sitting in the faint pleasure and smell of burning incense sticks (there were no incense sticks in my room, btw) for some time.

I guess I was slowly sinking in from the pleasure and light at the top of the head, into a slightly more murky and darker place. Eventually lost awareness there.

A strange dream. Actually more like an OBE. I was a black cat walking around in the shallow white snow outside. At the same time, I was its surroundings (those small fir trees, the road, the snow), as well as a man walking down the road not far from the cat. I guess I channelled more of the consciousness into that man. In this process, I became less aware of the cat's body. Suddenly, somehow the cat leaped at the man's (my) left arm and bit it. As it did so, I saw and felt the cat's teeth, jaws, muscles, blood vessels, etc. inside out. I was the cat biting the man and I was the man being bitten at the same time. Something did not seem right about the cat, though. There was something inside its mouth or throat, which did not seem normal. Analytical overlay: rabies?

Edit: Saw that not-a-star again last night, pulsing in through the balcony window.

Concentration practice

Uncle has fallen into a coma.

Concentration practice on a bindu (have targeted the one in the crown chakra again) has had an effect on the dreams. I've started to remember entire conversations from within the dreams.

Have been also feeling pretty floaty every now and then. Empathy has become more intense again (touch, smell senses, emotions and thoughts on objects in a movie or on a picture).

Occasionally I've also seen light emanating from the area of focus.

There have been a few moments, when I've experienced something opening up, something dripping down from there, etc. During one of these experiences, there was a mild sharp pain in a point slightly above the head (when I focused on that).

Drooling

Drooling for what Owltwelve has described on the forum. Pleasure that unfolds when one focuses on the tiny bindu points inside the chakras. 2nd puberty, astral travel into the apertures inside the bindu points, etc.

So awesome.

Too bad I haven't gotten anywhere near that yet. Haven't even managed to learn to OBE on will. I'm seeking for what might be the key problem holding me back. Then, after I've found something, it wears out in a couple of days and there I am seeking for another key again. An infinite effort trying to find something to start from, only to find that I've yet again forgotten some important aspects (the other keys which I had found just months ago).

He also emphasized the importance of celibacy. Well, so far I've managed to keep celibacy only until it has stopped on its own. Perhaps with constant focus on bindu, I could learn to use it up before it overflows the tank and causes me to lose celibacy again.

Argh .. want to get that 24/7 focus on a bindu point going again.

Edit: When I focus attention into a point this small, it tends to wander around and falls off the spot. Nvm, found a workaround - shrink the consciousness, that is visualizing the point, in on the point.