Old stuff

Leaked three times during the night. This time the symptoms were so faint that I didn't notice. Oh well. I've been a bit moody today as well, for some reason. Perhaps some old stuff is coming out..

Right, remembered that yesterday I dug some posts of a guy on Mark's pk forum. This guy claimed he had come from another universe that they had messed up. He oozed hatred, but the info he shared was exciting. Checked one of his youtube videos as well and got the feeling that he was legit. Some of this hatred might've stuck with me.

I've noticed it before that those leaks are sort of a defense reaction. Similar to sneezing, which I've also done a few times today.

On another note, I've noticed a new perspective on the world. The mind has caught itself on absurd thought patterns .. stuff that I didn't notice before.

Spontaneous happiness

Last night I saw my right hand from the corner of my eyes. It was glowing white, much like the flickering column on the balcony yesterday.

Today I've been trying relaxation of the mind. While being driven back home, I found myself in a strange state of mind. Almost like sleeping and awake at the same time.

Caught my mind debating on the behaviour of Hyena .. "He's making funny rules each time. He probably wants to make visiting the gym fun." A strange moment, because visiting the gym is in fact *supposed* to be fun! This led to the realization that my self-importance has been too important, or in other words, I've been taking myself too seriously. Spontaneous happiness for 15 minutes, at least :-)

Dreaming

This may be useful for people who want to tackle lucid dreaming and OBE / astral travel.

A few suggestions copied from a forum post:

1. Recall the dreams or perhaps even write them down.
2. Relax all the muscles in the body before sleep.
3. Relax the mind before sleep (leave daily worries and problems next to the pile of clothes, for example). Perhaps even meditate briefly before falling asleep.
4. Don't eat late.
5. Come up with an activity that will betray the fact that you're dreaming (look at your hands, check the watch for time, read a piece of paper with text or attempt crazy pk like flying around and throwing Kamehameha). Practice that activity when you have the slight suspicion that you may be dreaming.
6. Sometimes try to move without moving your body (works when the body has fallen asleep and the mind is still awake).
7. Practice concentration to avoid the mind sticking to random dream events around you. Each time it does that, it tends to pop into another dream, forget itself and it'll take a while for it to realize that it's dreaming again.

Edit: Forgot the most important one: Be impeccable. In other words, make sure that you won't become lost in illusions (pretty or not).

I used to write down dreams before I had learned to write (and type). Used to type them down on an old 0286 and print out with a dot matrix printer. Wow, should revive old habits.

The other points I've sometimes forgotten as well.

Flickering column of light

Pretty colors outside. Stood up and walked to the balcony to stare and meditate. In periphery vision, I saw a column of flickering white light to my right. Or actually, not flickering, the light was moving up and down very rapidly. Observed it on the periphery for some time, then looked in that direction, looked back and couldn't see it anymore.

Uhm, it was in the direction of the birds' diarrhea region of the balcony window. Somehow a seagull had encountered a "sh*t happened" moment and hit the window. Then months later father washed the windows. The next day some other seagull had painted an even greater stain on the same spot.

Realignment

Hmm .. got something interesting.

Took a nap. Played some sort of a strategy game with other people in the dream. I think I lost, or at least got to what seemed like a dead-end. Popped back to the game lounge / starting position where each player had chosen their path. Had an idea that instead of charging forward like all the players did, I could've gone to the starting position of another player too. Heard another player walk out of their starting position in the lounge too. She went into another room behind the corner, singing. Her singing was not melodic but had a specific sound in it, which I liked.

It occurred to me that I could perhaps balance out some of the energies. Rushed there and hugged her. Knowing that it's possible to lose it all, I tried to maintain it so that we wouldn't exchange energy but it would get realigned due to its magnetic properties (move upward from the navel).

Everything went dark and lost form. I felt her but couldn't see or hear her anymore. She had become only a blob of energy. I heard and felt my digestive system become alive again and it felt as if the central channel opened up again. Once it did, I thought I let go.

As I woke up in my room, my attention was assembling in the bed slowly. Found myself sleeping in a strange position. Feet were crossed and leaning up against the wall .. no matter I had trouble with orientation, trying to enter the body. At least, that's what I thought. It felt so nice to sleep there that I didn't want to get out of bed yet. Looked around the room. Everything was at its place .. almost. I was supposed to have a laptop on the desk right here, but it wasn't there. Realized I'm not in the right place and realized I still felt the blob of energy there. I told telepathically to let go.

Woke up in my room. I was lying on the bed but rotated 180 degrees, I think. Looked at the table .. a vase with a flower instead of the laptop. I still felt the blob of energy there. I told telepathically to let go, while trying to release myself too. Everything lost form and got dark, then I was whirling around the vertical axis in my own reference frame, in the darkness. Willed myself to wake up.

Woke up in my room. Almost everything was as it was supposed to be (laptop was off, even though I had left it on). It was 7 PM with a nice evening sunset. Stood up, walked to the door frame between my room and the living room. Swept my T-shirt so that it would look nicer, because I saw sister with some other girl sitting in the living room. I drummed on both sides of the wall with the fingers of both hands .. to verify the solidity. It was as solid as it should be.

Also, when I opened my eyes slowly, even the optics of the eyes seemed to be quite realistic (in all of these dreams). Willed myself to wake up .. didn't work, which added to the reality of the situation.

Then suddenly I realized I'm indulging in the illusions. ::Bam, I wake up in my room in an instant, and this time all the details seem to be correct::

This is nice:

The background image looks powerful. Combined with the music, it seems pretty mystical.

Burden-management

Regardless of the intention, I still dreamt about something that I consider to be crap. ::something hot touched my right arm::

As far as I'm aware, I spent the whole night organizing the burdens of a bunch of kids. Sure, I respected them and cared about them. However, there was all sorts of trouble with the buses (transportation between the worlds) and dragging their backpacks around .. whereas they didn't care about their backpacks in the least. It was my responsibility but nobody needed it done. Kind of reminds me of the project management stuff .. whereas the wasted effort slightly reminds me of spiritual development. I've spent years on something that I know should only take a few seconds and I can't say I've achieved it yet. For the past 2 days I've been feeling weak, without an idea of what I've done wrong.

On another note, this is indulging too. Got to keep pushing regardless of all those delays.

Perhaps those goosebumps are indicative of indulging as well. So, reading inspiring books, watching inspiring videos / movies is making one weaker?

Hmm.. one thing that might've been important in the dream was that there was one kid, whose backpack somehow opened on its own and food fell out onto the asphalt. I could not do anything about it except being a witness and picking up the stuff that escaped. Also, some kids finished their travels in that realm early and popped back to where their backpacks were. Though, they looked like zombies .. unaware of their dreaming. In fact, most people do.

Inspired for OBE

Owltwelve posted on his journal that he has been visiting Mars astrally, and took up healing the planet. I want to get my OBEs to the stage where I could do that too.

Last night I tried to keep the mind blank, but the pressure of the force field was too great in some areas within the skull. One such area was on the left hemisphere, another at the center, near the pineal gland. So, I dissipated the focus and had chaotic dreams. Today it's been a bit more difficult to reassemble the concentration.

Reading Castaneda spawns so many goosebumps. :)
Very cool, how Castaneda's puzzle of life starts coming together, only to reveal more mysteries. Flashbacks or memories of being in places or doing stuff that can't be, are getting a whole new meaning.

Hmm .. remembered that today morning I saw something ordinary that seemed awkward. Walked past the beach and a lady was tanning. What made it strange, it was a week day 8 AM and it was about 9 *C and windy outside. At least it would've been cold for me if I hadn't worn a sweater on top of a T-shirt.