Yay, another flu, apparently. Yesterday could not keep the eyes peeled for more than a minute at a time. Today it doesn't seem to be too much of a problem anymore, but I detect a barely noticeable headache and a fever.
Anyway, a difference which I noticed this time regarding the eye pain. The rear side of the eye hurt instead of the front. The last time I had this issue I had not tried to heal the rear side because that did not hurt.
Since Monday I've minimized the off-work time I spend at the computer screen. But since there are very few things which can be done without a computer screen nowadays, I spent the time sitting, meditating or sleeping.
As has often been the case for me, meditation comes with side-effects. Some of the bodily tensions were released with jolts of pain running through the body. I found it interesting that some of the outbursts of pain followed the model of a regular dampened oscillator. A form of prana flow reached the head and it made the body feel even more at ease.
Sometimes when I closed my eyes, I saw a white vertical column with what looked like heatwaves coming off from its sides. Another image which occurred to me was of an object at room temperature but with a shield of red flames surrounding it on one side. The flames kept a distance from the object, mimicking its shape.
Another side-effect of the meditation was flashbacks of memories and feelings from early childhood, which re-instilled some enthusiasm.
Yet another side-effect was a difference in dreams.
Showing posts with label flashback. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flashback. Show all posts
Thursday, November 21, 2019
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Red hands
Felt sick while going to work in the morning. Also felt slightly nauseous at the bus. Figured I had probably caught cold on the previous days (it was somewhat wet, windy and chilly sometimes).
Today while coding at work I randomly looked at my hands for a moment and suddenly remembered something which I haven't experienced.
The flashback:
Why I may have witnessed this scene somewhere before (such as a dream or something), I probably semi-subconsciously blocked it because my hands looked so freaking bloody red.
Some dude is coming to country to teach the Wim Hof method. It's not Hof himself and the event costs quite a lot .. I won't go. In my opinion, these things lose their value when there's a lot of people around and when someone is collecting money for it. I know I can learn these things on my own as well.
Had some strange humor again today. What I said seemed totally absurd but actually had meaning. Struggled maintaining a straight face.
Pitch black darkness. There are 2-3 figures whom I can't see but can sense in the darkness, because they have dark robes.
There's a bright blue portal (or two of them, not sure) which I can both see as well as cannot see because it's covered by a projection of darkness.
I can tell that the portal is meant for these figures that are waiting right next to it. The figures wait for a second or two, then enter the portal one by one.
Since I'm quite close to the portal (at least one of them), I become curious about it. Although it feels as if the portal is not there for me, it doesn't close. I'm about to draw my attention away from it, as it suddenly starts to feel as if the portal is now meant for me to explore.
I stretch an arm and touch the portal. It feels liberating. I slowly step towards it, then eventually step all the way through. There doesn't seem to be anything except darkness on the other side (same as the side from where I had come).
I'm about to fall asleep (due to nothing happening) when suddenly I see a creature in front of me, amidst all the darkness. A large blue non-humanoid creature that looked highly intelligent and in a calm state of mind. I was a bit startled by its looks and the image vanished .. fell asleep.
Today while coding at work I randomly looked at my hands for a moment and suddenly remembered something which I haven't experienced.
The flashback:
- I'm standing outside with just a T-shirt and the weather is as cold as it is at the moment (spring weather, windy and perhaps a few degrees).
- Thanks to tummo, it's not cold for me. The body feels perfectly calm and healthy. There's quite a bit of heat radiating from my body.
- My hands look abnormally red. The blood circulation is better than it has ever been before.
- There's also the familiar feeling of seeing things for what they are.
- Though, I feel slightly older as well.
Why I may have witnessed this scene somewhere before (such as a dream or something), I probably semi-subconsciously blocked it because my hands looked so freaking bloody red.
Some dude is coming to country to teach the Wim Hof method. It's not Hof himself and the event costs quite a lot .. I won't go. In my opinion, these things lose their value when there's a lot of people around and when someone is collecting money for it. I know I can learn these things on my own as well.
Had some strange humor again today. What I said seemed totally absurd but actually had meaning. Struggled maintaining a straight face.
Hypnagogia: Blue portal
Two evenings ago just before going to bed I noticed a strange visualization occurring in the back of my mind.Pitch black darkness. There are 2-3 figures whom I can't see but can sense in the darkness, because they have dark robes.
There's a bright blue portal (or two of them, not sure) which I can both see as well as cannot see because it's covered by a projection of darkness.
I can tell that the portal is meant for these figures that are waiting right next to it. The figures wait for a second or two, then enter the portal one by one.
Since I'm quite close to the portal (at least one of them), I become curious about it. Although it feels as if the portal is not there for me, it doesn't close. I'm about to draw my attention away from it, as it suddenly starts to feel as if the portal is now meant for me to explore.
I stretch an arm and touch the portal. It feels liberating. I slowly step towards it, then eventually step all the way through. There doesn't seem to be anything except darkness on the other side (same as the side from where I had come).
I'm about to fall asleep (due to nothing happening) when suddenly I see a creature in front of me, amidst all the darkness. A large blue non-humanoid creature that looked highly intelligent and in a calm state of mind. I was a bit startled by its looks and the image vanished .. fell asleep.
Monday, March 18, 2019
Cat's been reading books
Randomly took a "hobby" project on Saturday and worked on it the way I enjoy working on things. Learned a lot, and I think it gave more meaning back to my life. It restored motivation at the cost of sleeptime.
Had some interesting dreams last night.
The echo was highly nonlinear, it changed in pitch and in intensity. It was as if the environment interacted with our presence there and it did not like being disturbed. I've witnessed such places before but I've never really figured out what they're about.
I whispered to the companion about the nonlinearity and that we should probably leave.
Someone else came, speaking very loud. This caused a pretty bad echo and the environment reacted. A couple of crocodiles darted towards the beach and at least one of them was chasing me.
Flew off as fast as I could (about the same speed that I had when tailing the helicopter the night before). After maybe 5 km, I was still having difficulties shaking it off my tail. Though, soon after it stopped chasing me. I was very surprised at how fast the crocodile was.
Apparently it did rain during the night, and it rained today during the day as well.
Something about me was different today. Got so absorbed in work that I didn't notice anything else around me. Apparently a really dark cloud had popped up for rain. A moment later the sky was clear again and sun was shining.
Happened to make a joke but then at some point I realized its philosophical and linguistical depth. I was sincerely surprised.
When a colleague asked me about something at the canteen, I had a flashback from what couldn't have been the past.
Had some interesting dreams last night.
Dream: Bus stop
I arrived at a bus stop and for some odd reason, I decided to spend the night there. I had always wondered what it would be like to chill on top of its glass roof. While I knew it was fragile and wouldn't withstand much weight, I still wanted to try it. Some entity told me not to, but I think I still did. Nice spring weather but it was raining, so it wasn't too pleasant to spend the whole night there. Regardless, the bus stop was just underneath a tree (birch, maybe) and I enjoyed the small branches moving around in the slight breeze.Dream: Chick and cat
Cat approached me with a question. It showed me a picture on a book on the bookshelf. It asked what was the size of this component (strange terminology, I know), and pointed its paw at the picture of a yellow chick. I wondered how I could answer it, for the cat would've had no idea of the SI units. With all its ingenuity, the cat took the shape of the chick and started shrinking. Then all I had to do was to take it on my pawn and say "It's about the size that you are now," when the cat was about the size of a chick.Dream: Crocodiles
I was traveling with someone. We reached a beach (in Japan, I thought) and I said something (probably "awesome" or "would you look at that" or somesuch) to my companion. As I did, I noticed a peculiar echo.The echo was highly nonlinear, it changed in pitch and in intensity. It was as if the environment interacted with our presence there and it did not like being disturbed. I've witnessed such places before but I've never really figured out what they're about.
I whispered to the companion about the nonlinearity and that we should probably leave.
Someone else came, speaking very loud. This caused a pretty bad echo and the environment reacted. A couple of crocodiles darted towards the beach and at least one of them was chasing me.
Flew off as fast as I could (about the same speed that I had when tailing the helicopter the night before). After maybe 5 km, I was still having difficulties shaking it off my tail. Though, soon after it stopped chasing me. I was very surprised at how fast the crocodile was.
Today
Not a dream.Apparently it did rain during the night, and it rained today during the day as well.
Something about me was different today. Got so absorbed in work that I didn't notice anything else around me. Apparently a really dark cloud had popped up for rain. A moment later the sky was clear again and sun was shining.
Happened to make a joke but then at some point I realized its philosophical and linguistical depth. I was sincerely surprised.
When a colleague asked me about something at the canteen, I had a flashback from what couldn't have been the past.
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Caputi's experiment
Helped a colleague move yesterday evening. Some physical workout after a long time with no sports. It was good.
Some weekend work, after which I tried Caputi's weather experiment today which I mentioned in the previous post. I would prefer to have longer epochs and less of them. However, I understand why the 10 active + 10 passive configuration was used (statistics, reducing uncertainty). With longer epochs it would be easier to become entrained to the target (especially since it's not shown) but the whole experiment would take a lot longer as well. Additionally, I would prefer to have the test end with a passive epoch in order to mitigate accumulative effects that I observed with my Crookes radiometer setup.
Edit: Wrote to the provided e-mail address with a few ideas. Hopefully it's not a witch-hunt trap :-).
Following the experiment I became quite tired and slept for ~3 h. Haven't practised pk for a while.
Watched Bandersnatch and found it to be interesting and well-made but somewhat frustrating as well. Frustrating due to the lack of choices. This is also what I found lacking when playing a selection-based adventure book as a kid or RPGs at a later age. I would've preferred for the protagonist to pull himself together and fix the bugs in the game. I used to work on a PC game engine for text-based selection adventures maybe 15+ years ago until a schoolmate introduced me to his MUD which I found to be superior.
Some weekend work, after which I tried Caputi's weather experiment today which I mentioned in the previous post. I would prefer to have longer epochs and less of them. However, I understand why the 10 active + 10 passive configuration was used (statistics, reducing uncertainty). With longer epochs it would be easier to become entrained to the target (especially since it's not shown) but the whole experiment would take a lot longer as well. Additionally, I would prefer to have the test end with a passive epoch in order to mitigate accumulative effects that I observed with my Crookes radiometer setup.
Edit: Wrote to the provided e-mail address with a few ideas. Hopefully it's not a witch-hunt trap :-).
Following the experiment I became quite tired and slept for ~3 h. Haven't practised pk for a while.
Watched Bandersnatch and found it to be interesting and well-made but somewhat frustrating as well. Frustrating due to the lack of choices. This is also what I found lacking when playing a selection-based adventure book as a kid or RPGs at a later age. I would've preferred for the protagonist to pull himself together and fix the bugs in the game. I used to work on a PC game engine for text-based selection adventures maybe 15+ years ago until a schoolmate introduced me to his MUD which I found to be superior.
Friday, November 16, 2018
Times of change
Will celebrate the 30th birthday with a spacecraft launch, for which we developed instruments.
Perhaps also worth posting, a couple of evenings ago a few colleagues and I visited a Hot pot restaurant. In addition to the delicious food, the waitresses had a praying Buddha candle holder on the counter that caught my attention. It "reminded" me of something. In the vision, I was a nun who had been praying in this pose so often that her hands had become not only flexible but the praying pose had become the default (most comfortable) pose.
In a couple of recent dreams I've seen myself at a religious gathering.
Perhaps also worth posting, a couple of evenings ago a few colleagues and I visited a Hot pot restaurant. In addition to the delicious food, the waitresses had a praying Buddha candle holder on the counter that caught my attention. It "reminded" me of something. In the vision, I was a nun who had been praying in this pose so often that her hands had become not only flexible but the praying pose had become the default (most comfortable) pose.
In a couple of recent dreams I've seen myself at a religious gathering.
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Vague
Yesterday I randomly remembered remembering flashbacks of something. Yep.
I remember years of studying something involving strings of small dots of light. While I think they had colors as well, for me colors were irrelevant. It was the patterns and the interaction of these patterns that was important. More important than anything else (pffamily or whatever).
I think I remembered this either while taking a bus over a bridge and seeing dots of light reflect from the channel. Definitely I was thinking about this memory when walking to a store in the dark with Mom, Dad and sister. Was a few years old.
If that's a glimpse of a past life, then my tendencies and habits in this life make sense. Still suspicious, though.
I remember years of studying something involving strings of small dots of light. While I think they had colors as well, for me colors were irrelevant. It was the patterns and the interaction of these patterns that was important. More important than anything else (pffamily or whatever).
I think I remembered this either while taking a bus over a bridge and seeing dots of light reflect from the channel. Definitely I was thinking about this memory when walking to a store in the dark with Mom, Dad and sister. Was a few years old.
Meta
If that's a glimpse of a past life, then my tendencies and habits in this life make sense. Still suspicious, though.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Flashbacks
Receiving and sending a lot of packages.
Remembering something. Got to practice digital painting again.
Today on the bus to work, I remembered two images from unknown time ago. Trying to extract info from the feelings that accompanied the images.
Not sure if this is related to playing Alien: Isolation, or related to a few recent discussions related to metamaterials and optics.
Other than that, today morning I happened on the bus with a cosmologist. Asked his take on the finite vs. infinite universe debate. He had somewhat similar ideas, with a somewhat different perspective. Realized that within an infinite multiverse soup, the assumption of balance doesn't have to hold. And here I thought that already with that assumption there's a lot of possibilities.
Missed a bus back to town. Saw the bus stop at the bus stop and without blinking, turned around (I was 1 min or 1.5 min too late) and walked the kilometer back. Would've caught the next bus for sure, unless the cosmologists hadn't picked me up. Listened to their internal discussion and wondered if any of that would spawn additional thoughts. Started to wonder if (assuming a dense universe) it's possible to determine whether the universe has fixtures. Based on an old Kevin Smith Show interview about Jerry Wills' experience through the Aramu Muru gateway, the universe was in a white room, fastened with strands that had lights moving back and forth. If that's the case and it's a finite universe (should be easier to create in lab), then a dense universe should have internal stresses (and thus, non-uniformity in the growth of the universe). Not sure if the current measurements already disagree with this or not, but in any case the assumption of uniformity should not be made (I hope cosmologists have taken that into account). They were discussing the redshift.
Remembering something. Got to practice digital painting again.
Today on the bus to work, I remembered two images from unknown time ago. Trying to extract info from the feelings that accompanied the images.
Not sure if this is related to playing Alien: Isolation, or related to a few recent discussions related to metamaterials and optics.
Huge beige-walled structure
It looks futuristic with its smooth vertical edges and corners. Horizontal edges are sharp. There's no roof, just walls, rectangular archways and bridges. The surface looks beige, somewhat rugged but it's not stone. It has strong horizontal lines. The walls aren't hollow - they're full of technology. At specific times some tall beings gather there. For most of the time, the structure is empty, collecting dust / small-grained sand. The beings are quiet, they don't talk with sounds.Computer
An image of a black rock-like structure. It seems as if the image is zoomed in a bit (with a blurred background). There are small blobs of (dust?) moving around. The structure consists of horizontal layers of slightly different shapes. There's a feeling of reverence towards this structure, if handled at all, it is to be handled carefully. Not because it's fragile but because it's powerful. There are a few symbols related to the image (both on the image as well as not on the image - like a non-transparent overlay that doesn't occlude the image). The symbols are all surrounded by white squares with black outlines.Other
There's something about this guy's art on pixiv. Some of the images trigger feeling that's a bit similar to the images I "remembered".Other than that, today morning I happened on the bus with a cosmologist. Asked his take on the finite vs. infinite universe debate. He had somewhat similar ideas, with a somewhat different perspective. Realized that within an infinite multiverse soup, the assumption of balance doesn't have to hold. And here I thought that already with that assumption there's a lot of possibilities.
Missed a bus back to town. Saw the bus stop at the bus stop and without blinking, turned around (I was 1 min or 1.5 min too late) and walked the kilometer back. Would've caught the next bus for sure, unless the cosmologists hadn't picked me up. Listened to their internal discussion and wondered if any of that would spawn additional thoughts. Started to wonder if (assuming a dense universe) it's possible to determine whether the universe has fixtures. Based on an old Kevin Smith Show interview about Jerry Wills' experience through the Aramu Muru gateway, the universe was in a white room, fastened with strands that had lights moving back and forth. If that's the case and it's a finite universe (should be easier to create in lab), then a dense universe should have internal stresses (and thus, non-uniformity in the growth of the universe). Not sure if the current measurements already disagree with this or not, but in any case the assumption of uniformity should not be made (I hope cosmologists have taken that into account). They were discussing the redshift.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Das Detachment
On Monday and Tuesday I had unconditional love, happiness and heat flowing round and about. On Wednesday there was a local peak in stress. On Thursday it transformed into a local peak in depression. It was a combination of many things:
- Exponentially growing amount of work with a negative timeline.
- One of the best colleagues in the project still severely ill (has been weeks) with no signs of getting better.
- Have been missing deep sleep stages for some time (sleep deprivation).
- Probably some of it from friends (M. Grubb's brother; and another friend with tough times), via empathy.
- Sky with high contrast - patches of thick clouds and cracks of clear sky.
- Mild rainfall with thick clouds and a small opening where the sun shines through, producing a column of light.
- Medium snowfall with the sun shining through.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Releasing tension
Well, about a week ago my celibacy counter reset. Apparently I had formed tension in the body again which, in combination with cold, drained quite a bit of that stored energy.
A couple of nights ago I went to bed early and produced a lot of sweat.
Synchronicity, empathy, telepathy and precognition have been pretty nice recently. Can't do much about all of the messages that arrive, but it's still quite valuable. Today morning I met with a colleague and I found something in him that I had not been aware of, wouldn't have even guessed (though, he's all secretive and I don't know him very well). Then today I took a detour around the town, while on my way to an evening lecture. During the detour, I recognized a place from some old dreams as well as had some vague "memories" surfacing from the medieval ages. Ah, one more thing - totally different people, with no common context are telling the same things. I wonder what's that about .. the puzzle hasn't come together just yet.
Last night I tried to let go the best I could. At some moment, there was something alike a small explosion in the head as one of the blockages cleared out. Might've become dangerous if I had maintained the tension for longer.
The past days have been covered in ego stuffs .. catching the mind on some strange habitual patterns that don't even make sense to the rational mind, far less to the more spiritual mind.
A couple of nights ago I went to bed early and produced a lot of sweat.
Synchronicity, empathy, telepathy and precognition have been pretty nice recently. Can't do much about all of the messages that arrive, but it's still quite valuable. Today morning I met with a colleague and I found something in him that I had not been aware of, wouldn't have even guessed (though, he's all secretive and I don't know him very well). Then today I took a detour around the town, while on my way to an evening lecture. During the detour, I recognized a place from some old dreams as well as had some vague "memories" surfacing from the medieval ages. Ah, one more thing - totally different people, with no common context are telling the same things. I wonder what's that about .. the puzzle hasn't come together just yet.
Last night I tried to let go the best I could. At some moment, there was something alike a small explosion in the head as one of the blockages cleared out. Might've become dangerous if I had maintained the tension for longer.
The past days have been covered in ego stuffs .. catching the mind on some strange habitual patterns that don't even make sense to the rational mind, far less to the more spiritual mind.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Voice
Busy times..
Had a nightly presentation at a hobby astronomer's event two nights ago. Observed perseid shower and noticed how I subconsciously looked at the place where there was going to be meteor in less than a second. Overall, the nature there was amazing. Acquired a really good connection with all the grass, bushes, birds, trees .. everything seemed to be following the flow of unconditional love. Had an interesting and rather awkward dream there. It was still dark, but the sun was already approaching the horizon. Someone (either me with a strange voice or someone else) said "Father", while I was looking towards two men walking away from me, having a chat. Hadn't met father for quite a while, so I hugged him .. as well as the other man, who seemed to be confused. The man thought I had called him Father .. which seemed normal to me, because I had difficulties localizing things while being a floating cloud of consciousness (or at least started off without form). Due to the "cloudness", I think hugging both must've been a bit easier, too. Now, what makes the dream awkward is the fact that the other man was my boss.
Last night I came from a farewell party and bumped into Hyena on the pedestrian bridge. He was a bit surprised and asked what had happened to my voice. I said I didn't find anything abnormal about it. "Opening of the throat chakra?", he asked.
It's interesting, how I may be tired, but there's a ball of energy in me that's not. It stretches inside and I feel fresh again. Sometimes it causes a jolt in consciousness, sometimes the upper chakras close and the ball of energy descends a little. Or sometimes the upper chakras open up and the ball rises. Trying to maintain an upward pull on it, though .. to enable celibacy.
Edit: Remembered a few more things I had been wanting to post someday. Played table football at work once again. The game was so strange that I had to put forth a lot of effort in order to stop my laughter. Somehow when I'm playing, the ball moves really slowly, there are a lot of dumb moves that in some weird way turn out to be successful. The ball moves odd and confuses / stuns the opponents somehow so that they start making more own goals. Also, when the opponent strikes fast, then somehow I've managed to block it fairly efficiently.
The school building, where I made the presentation on Thursday night, looked pretty impressive. The waxed wooden floor reminded me of karate training, the moves and the state of mind. The size and the shape of the building reminded me of the idea to start a psionics school.
While coming back from work yesterday, I pecked sleep in the car. Got into some fairly strange mind-states while still conscious about it. Eventually fell into a regular sleep state with compressed time.
Just took a nap and found an interesting opportunity. Realized that when I have hypnagogic imagery of people, it's easy to probe them (acquire the feeling of what they're like, along with their past, personal traits, patterns of logic, etc.) .. for as long as I'm not seeing their faces (which seemed to have disturbed the empathy a bit). Stumbled on a strange state of mind again as well. Startled out of it, though.
Had a nightly presentation at a hobby astronomer's event two nights ago. Observed perseid shower and noticed how I subconsciously looked at the place where there was going to be meteor in less than a second. Overall, the nature there was amazing. Acquired a really good connection with all the grass, bushes, birds, trees .. everything seemed to be following the flow of unconditional love. Had an interesting and rather awkward dream there. It was still dark, but the sun was already approaching the horizon. Someone (either me with a strange voice or someone else) said "Father", while I was looking towards two men walking away from me, having a chat. Hadn't met father for quite a while, so I hugged him .. as well as the other man, who seemed to be confused. The man thought I had called him Father .. which seemed normal to me, because I had difficulties localizing things while being a floating cloud of consciousness (or at least started off without form). Due to the "cloudness", I think hugging both must've been a bit easier, too. Now, what makes the dream awkward is the fact that the other man was my boss.
Last night I came from a farewell party and bumped into Hyena on the pedestrian bridge. He was a bit surprised and asked what had happened to my voice. I said I didn't find anything abnormal about it. "Opening of the throat chakra?", he asked.
It's interesting, how I may be tired, but there's a ball of energy in me that's not. It stretches inside and I feel fresh again. Sometimes it causes a jolt in consciousness, sometimes the upper chakras close and the ball of energy descends a little. Or sometimes the upper chakras open up and the ball rises. Trying to maintain an upward pull on it, though .. to enable celibacy.
Edit: Remembered a few more things I had been wanting to post someday. Played table football at work once again. The game was so strange that I had to put forth a lot of effort in order to stop my laughter. Somehow when I'm playing, the ball moves really slowly, there are a lot of dumb moves that in some weird way turn out to be successful. The ball moves odd and confuses / stuns the opponents somehow so that they start making more own goals. Also, when the opponent strikes fast, then somehow I've managed to block it fairly efficiently.
The school building, where I made the presentation on Thursday night, looked pretty impressive. The waxed wooden floor reminded me of karate training, the moves and the state of mind. The size and the shape of the building reminded me of the idea to start a psionics school.
While coming back from work yesterday, I pecked sleep in the car. Got into some fairly strange mind-states while still conscious about it. Eventually fell into a regular sleep state with compressed time.
Just took a nap and found an interesting opportunity. Realized that when I have hypnagogic imagery of people, it's easy to probe them (acquire the feeling of what they're like, along with their past, personal traits, patterns of logic, etc.) .. for as long as I'm not seeing their faces (which seemed to have disturbed the empathy a bit). Stumbled on a strange state of mind again as well. Startled out of it, though.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Inspired for OBE
Owltwelve posted on his journal that he has been visiting Mars astrally, and took up healing the planet. I want to get my OBEs to the stage where I could do that too.
Last night I tried to keep the mind blank, but the pressure of the force field was too great in some areas within the skull. One such area was on the left hemisphere, another at the center, near the pineal gland. So, I dissipated the focus and had chaotic dreams. Today it's been a bit more difficult to reassemble the concentration.
Reading Castaneda spawns so many goosebumps. :)
Very cool, how Castaneda's puzzle of life starts coming together, only to reveal more mysteries. Flashbacks or memories of being in places or doing stuff that can't be, are getting a whole new meaning.
Hmm .. remembered that today morning I saw something ordinary that seemed awkward. Walked past the beach and a lady was tanning. What made it strange, it was a week day 8 AM and it was about 9 *C and windy outside. At least it would've been cold for me if I hadn't worn a sweater on top of a T-shirt.
Last night I tried to keep the mind blank, but the pressure of the force field was too great in some areas within the skull. One such area was on the left hemisphere, another at the center, near the pineal gland. So, I dissipated the focus and had chaotic dreams. Today it's been a bit more difficult to reassemble the concentration.
Reading Castaneda spawns so many goosebumps. :)
Very cool, how Castaneda's puzzle of life starts coming together, only to reveal more mysteries. Flashbacks or memories of being in places or doing stuff that can't be, are getting a whole new meaning.
Hmm .. remembered that today morning I saw something ordinary that seemed awkward. Walked past the beach and a lady was tanning. What made it strange, it was a week day 8 AM and it was about 9 *C and windy outside. At least it would've been cold for me if I hadn't worn a sweater on top of a T-shirt.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
World: inspiring, mysterious, awesome
Took a nap. Woke in a dream / OBE of sorts, when I heard something buzzing. Listened to the noise and wondered where it came from. Moved around the room (away from the laptop), trying to pinpoint the source. I thought I had found it (some sort of a device in black plastic, with ribs). The noise seemed to have come from there. However, soon I found it strange .. because the whole room was vibrating, along with the wall that was the nearest to that device. Felt the vibration with the whole body. Tapped into it. Then thought of pulling the plug to see if the vibration remains .. but woke up.
Actually, now that I think back on it, the device was on an extension cord exactly like my laptop. And the laptop is made out of black plastic .. and the extension-cord side of it has ribs. Somewhat weird morphing of 3d space .. which is rather common for OBEs.
Chatted with a colleague, then sister's cellphone alarm woke me up. Perfect timing for a skype chat.
There were several other experiences also during the nap, the details of which have sort of faded .. they weren't describable by the rational mind anyway.
Hmm .. I've been feeling more anxious recently .. psi intensity has increased, so has geisting and the anxiety / nervousness has become a physical feeling in the chest / at the back.
I've been seeing flashes of light a lot, too. Or lights hanging somewhere mid-air, in peripheral vision.
While listening to some more of Castaneda's "Journey to Ixtlan". It was getting dark and the stories were about "jogging" in the dark. It occurred to me that deep down I somehow knew most of what don Juan was teaching. In this life I have practised several of the techniques without having been taught about them. I've noticed the same with yoga, chi gong and so on..
That jogging in pitch black darkness with just intuition guiding me. Those visits to the pastry and forest in the dark, hunting for power. That gazing slightly out of focus, doing nothing, staring at leaf shadows, at the space between the leaves and so on. Castaneda's preference on sunset also applies for me. I've been gazing at the sunset in a similar way .. though, since we don't have mountains, I used to do it from tree tops.
Even though I did not like the term "warrior" at all, I have been striving towards it since I was a few years old. For me, uncle was one. Back then he practised karate, stick-fighting, meditation on his own and rarely talked .. just trained himself. He was cool in every way I could imagine, dressed like Neo, with a black hat, a long coat and stuff .. walked without a sound, practised sun-gazing, running up trees and always acted unpredictably. I tried to stick to him whenever possible, asking him to teach me. Though, with me around, he soon dropped it. Back then, aunt was also really inspiring .. reading mystical stories of old yogis and their moments of realization. She loved to make everything around me seem magical. Sometimes (so far once four years ago) I've also come close to the way of the warrior and recognized myself in others.
I'm really grateful to the family and all they have taught me as well as all they haven't. I'm also grateful for everything I've been taught via other methods, for what I've learned as well as for what I will learn. The world truly is exceptionally inspiring, mysterious and awesome .. when approached in that way.
Actually, now that I think back on it, the device was on an extension cord exactly like my laptop. And the laptop is made out of black plastic .. and the extension-cord side of it has ribs. Somewhat weird morphing of 3d space .. which is rather common for OBEs.
Chatted with a colleague, then sister's cellphone alarm woke me up. Perfect timing for a skype chat.
There were several other experiences also during the nap, the details of which have sort of faded .. they weren't describable by the rational mind anyway.
Hmm .. I've been feeling more anxious recently .. psi intensity has increased, so has geisting and the anxiety / nervousness has become a physical feeling in the chest / at the back.
I've been seeing flashes of light a lot, too. Or lights hanging somewhere mid-air, in peripheral vision.
While listening to some more of Castaneda's "Journey to Ixtlan". It was getting dark and the stories were about "jogging" in the dark. It occurred to me that deep down I somehow knew most of what don Juan was teaching. In this life I have practised several of the techniques without having been taught about them. I've noticed the same with yoga, chi gong and so on..
That jogging in pitch black darkness with just intuition guiding me. Those visits to the pastry and forest in the dark, hunting for power. That gazing slightly out of focus, doing nothing, staring at leaf shadows, at the space between the leaves and so on. Castaneda's preference on sunset also applies for me. I've been gazing at the sunset in a similar way .. though, since we don't have mountains, I used to do it from tree tops.
Even though I did not like the term "warrior" at all, I have been striving towards it since I was a few years old. For me, uncle was one. Back then he practised karate, stick-fighting, meditation on his own and rarely talked .. just trained himself. He was cool in every way I could imagine, dressed like Neo, with a black hat, a long coat and stuff .. walked without a sound, practised sun-gazing, running up trees and always acted unpredictably. I tried to stick to him whenever possible, asking him to teach me. Though, with me around, he soon dropped it. Back then, aunt was also really inspiring .. reading mystical stories of old yogis and their moments of realization. She loved to make everything around me seem magical. Sometimes (so far once four years ago) I've also come close to the way of the warrior and recognized myself in others.
I'm really grateful to the family and all they have taught me as well as all they haven't. I'm also grateful for everything I've been taught via other methods, for what I've learned as well as for what I will learn. The world truly is exceptionally inspiring, mysterious and awesome .. when approached in that way.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Partially out of body
Remembered that two nights ago after a recapitulation session, the throat and 3rd eye chakras popped open and closed every few minutes. Enjoyed looking around the room in the darkness, with my eyes closed for some time.
Last night I woke halfway out of body in a dream-like environment. While the environment was dream-like (misplaced chairs that transformed into a mirror image of the bed and what-not), my sensations seemed vivid. I couldn't move the left side of the body, whereas the right side of my body was just numb and buzzing. I stood up and looked at the body. My right side was in the left side of the body .. and the right side of the body was just there, lifeless. My left side was there, to the left of the body, out of it. It was not tangible nor visible, but I could feel it .. just couldn't move it normally. Quite weird.
I guess the dreams were amazing too .. just that I've forgotten them. My eyes were really tired today morning. Did some work, then slept at least an hour more, then continued with work.
Practised recapitulation during a 1.5 hour walk. While coming back, a bunch of energy shot up and left .. causing the body to jolt and shiver. Consciousness shifted upward for a moment, then returned and I yawned once. Hmm.. .. . ..
Recently I've had a lot of flashbacks, each with interesting information and slightly foreign viewpoints on the world.
Last night I woke halfway out of body in a dream-like environment. While the environment was dream-like (misplaced chairs that transformed into a mirror image of the bed and what-not), my sensations seemed vivid. I couldn't move the left side of the body, whereas the right side of my body was just numb and buzzing. I stood up and looked at the body. My right side was in the left side of the body .. and the right side of the body was just there, lifeless. My left side was there, to the left of the body, out of it. It was not tangible nor visible, but I could feel it .. just couldn't move it normally. Quite weird.
I guess the dreams were amazing too .. just that I've forgotten them. My eyes were really tired today morning. Did some work, then slept at least an hour more, then continued with work.
Practised recapitulation during a 1.5 hour walk. While coming back, a bunch of energy shot up and left .. causing the body to jolt and shiver. Consciousness shifted upward for a moment, then returned and I yawned once. Hmm.. .. . ..
Recently I've had a lot of flashbacks, each with interesting information and slightly foreign viewpoints on the world.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Willforce
I once experienced a burst of anxiety, which seemed to have improved
my ability to concentrate quite remarkably. So, I tried to save it for
that concentration instead of releasing it with rash actions.
For the past few days I've been fueling my frustration, disappointment, anger and converting it into higher-frequency energy.
A couple of days ago I willed it up the spine quite hard. For about half an hour, heart rate increased a lot as the clump of psi / energy floated through the heart chakra. It seemed to be rising in small bubbles, each of which caused abnormal beating rhythm as it passed through the chakra. Throat chakra was also quite painful as it went through.
With more psi in the crown, controlling the psi in the lower chakras has become easier. Also, I see the world more clearly.
Yesterday before bed, I stared at the mirror, visualizing love and compassion towards the person in the mirror image .. while trying to detach myself from it (so that I wouldn't associate myself with the body).
During the past few days I've encountered quite a few moments of realization about Kalachakra (the cyclic nature of the Universe), about the limitations of my own viewpoint on the world and so on.
Today I found something interesting. While standing in the lunch queue, I suddenly received a vision (feelings + images + thought patterns, etc.) that was so strong it shadowed my own. At roughly the same time, the lady before me looked at me .. so, I suspect it might've been her mindscape at that time. The vision was full of spring and so bright that it displaced my thoughts, actions and mind for at least an hour. Selected my food (which was slightly difficult, because I tried to feel from my own perspective again). Then took a seat at a table, which had very specific lighting. Somehow for that moment, that seat seemed perfect. The sun was shining at me so that a column of bright light lit the food and my crown. However, when I looked up, I was blinded. In this sunlight, I somehow saw the world differently. I saw myself better .. as if I were the sunlight .. and only by being in the sunlight could I actually see myself clearly. Lovely spring. Morning was cold and foggy, then the sky cleared up and there was pretty sunlight, then a starry sky with full moon in the evening.
For the past few days I've been fueling my frustration, disappointment, anger and converting it into higher-frequency energy.
A couple of days ago I willed it up the spine quite hard. For about half an hour, heart rate increased a lot as the clump of psi / energy floated through the heart chakra. It seemed to be rising in small bubbles, each of which caused abnormal beating rhythm as it passed through the chakra. Throat chakra was also quite painful as it went through.
With more psi in the crown, controlling the psi in the lower chakras has become easier. Also, I see the world more clearly.
Yesterday before bed, I stared at the mirror, visualizing love and compassion towards the person in the mirror image .. while trying to detach myself from it (so that I wouldn't associate myself with the body).
During the past few days I've encountered quite a few moments of realization about Kalachakra (the cyclic nature of the Universe), about the limitations of my own viewpoint on the world and so on.
Today I found something interesting. While standing in the lunch queue, I suddenly received a vision (feelings + images + thought patterns, etc.) that was so strong it shadowed my own. At roughly the same time, the lady before me looked at me .. so, I suspect it might've been her mindscape at that time. The vision was full of spring and so bright that it displaced my thoughts, actions and mind for at least an hour. Selected my food (which was slightly difficult, because I tried to feel from my own perspective again). Then took a seat at a table, which had very specific lighting. Somehow for that moment, that seat seemed perfect. The sun was shining at me so that a column of bright light lit the food and my crown. However, when I looked up, I was blinded. In this sunlight, I somehow saw the world differently. I saw myself better .. as if I were the sunlight .. and only by being in the sunlight could I actually see myself clearly. Lovely spring. Morning was cold and foggy, then the sky cleared up and there was pretty sunlight, then a starry sky with full moon in the evening.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Proxy experiences
At work there are all sorts of displays around the building. While there aren't any specific events going on, most are showing some space agency clips.
Glanced at one of those displays today for a few seconds. There was a guy floating around in ISS and talking about something.
Realized that I know the feeling of zero-gravity. I also know the feeling of re-entry and the feeling of being back on Earth. I'm not sure if I've posted about it here, but I also have a memory of dying in space, knowing there's no way to escape and no way to get help. Helping others in a similar situation has been a recurring theme in several dreams.
But then again, I have memories from other people at the present time and I have memories of the future. My consciousness is not mine, it's shared and because of that I can't conclude anything about my past-lives .. I don't own them. There's no "me", there's just a cloud of consciousness that experiences.
Glanced at one of those displays today for a few seconds. There was a guy floating around in ISS and talking about something.
Realized that I know the feeling of zero-gravity. I also know the feeling of re-entry and the feeling of being back on Earth. I'm not sure if I've posted about it here, but I also have a memory of dying in space, knowing there's no way to escape and no way to get help. Helping others in a similar situation has been a recurring theme in several dreams.
But then again, I have memories from other people at the present time and I have memories of the future. My consciousness is not mine, it's shared and because of that I can't conclude anything about my past-lives .. I don't own them. There's no "me", there's just a cloud of consciousness that experiences.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Realizing energy properties
It was a few evenings ago, while walking home that I realized something about the fractal nature of myself. Suddenly for a moment I saw myself as a bunch of intermixing layers of N-dimensional geometry.
The design of Volvo V60 rear lights caught my attention today. I haven't paid attention to the design earlier. This time when I saw it, I realized energy filaments. My old perspective now seems very naive and simplified. And yet I felt as if it's obvious and I've studied this before.
My empathy has not been doing too great recently, with an exception today. While walking somewhere, I suddenly felt a strong empathy connection to a woman walking past.
For the past couple of nights, I've been working on something in the dreams but so far I haven't understood what it is. A bit too abstract for the ego-mind to comprehend. In addition to that work, last night I saw an aircraft that resembled zeppelin. It was transported to a parking lot in front of a museum and then it disappeared. I entered the museum, found a lot of old hardware and met people I wouldn't have expected to see in a museum.
There was something, which I wanted to post but forgot to. Forgot again.
Remembered again.
When in the process of cleaning, I have found it better to move the focus point around. If it stays in one spot for too long, that spot becomes dirty, which makes it difficult to maintain focus. For example, while I'm focusing on my breath, I would keep focus at a particular spot until I find my mind wandering more and more often each time .. then I would move the focus a little bit more inside the nose (or more outside) and continue with the practice.
The design of Volvo V60 rear lights caught my attention today. I haven't paid attention to the design earlier. This time when I saw it, I realized energy filaments. My old perspective now seems very naive and simplified. And yet I felt as if it's obvious and I've studied this before.
My empathy has not been doing too great recently, with an exception today. While walking somewhere, I suddenly felt a strong empathy connection to a woman walking past.
For the past couple of nights, I've been working on something in the dreams but so far I haven't understood what it is. A bit too abstract for the ego-mind to comprehend. In addition to that work, last night I saw an aircraft that resembled zeppelin. It was transported to a parking lot in front of a museum and then it disappeared. I entered the museum, found a lot of old hardware and met people I wouldn't have expected to see in a museum.
There was something, which I wanted to post but forgot to. Forgot again.
Remembered again.
When in the process of cleaning, I have found it better to move the focus point around. If it stays in one spot for too long, that spot becomes dirty, which makes it difficult to maintain focus. For example, while I'm focusing on my breath, I would keep focus at a particular spot until I find my mind wandering more and more often each time .. then I would move the focus a little bit more inside the nose (or more outside) and continue with the practice.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
A faint glimpse at tummo
Yesterday evening my mind relaxed and I just touched the mirror with my mind, trying to feel it both as a liquid as well as a solid. Touched it tens of times before I lost interest in it.
Also noticed the sensation of tummo last night. Grabbed and focused on it. It was weak but the sensation was familiar (although I haven't gotten to practising tummo previously in this life). The sensation was very hot but at the same time moist (without this, the heat might damage the body). While focused on it, pain was being released from body parts that I thought were relaxed.
Probably leaped too far ahead with this tummo thing (still having blockages somewhere in the body), since I leaked a remarkable amount of energy later that night. Woke up but couldn't stop it, so I just waited until it stopped on its own, while trying to spread the remaining energy throughout the body.
Suddenly I started practising OBE from within the dreams, without even being lucid. I would just picture a random scene and fly in, trying to attune to the environment.
Today I became rather stressed at some point. Then somehow I took it back and turned it inside .. stress was gone in less than a split-second.
For the past few days I've been having a lot of flashbacks .. seeing the world from viewpoints that I wouldn't have been able to even imagine existed.
Also noticed the sensation of tummo last night. Grabbed and focused on it. It was weak but the sensation was familiar (although I haven't gotten to practising tummo previously in this life). The sensation was very hot but at the same time moist (without this, the heat might damage the body). While focused on it, pain was being released from body parts that I thought were relaxed.
Probably leaped too far ahead with this tummo thing (still having blockages somewhere in the body), since I leaked a remarkable amount of energy later that night. Woke up but couldn't stop it, so I just waited until it stopped on its own, while trying to spread the remaining energy throughout the body.
Suddenly I started practising OBE from within the dreams, without even being lucid. I would just picture a random scene and fly in, trying to attune to the environment.
Today I became rather stressed at some point. Then somehow I took it back and turned it inside .. stress was gone in less than a split-second.
For the past few days I've been having a lot of flashbacks .. seeing the world from viewpoints that I wouldn't have been able to even imagine existed.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Spiritual jail
Very hot weather. It must've been over 30 *C in the classroom today.
Noticed that one of the university personnel had a crown cone that was exceptionally well visible. Haven't seen anyone with that dense psi field before.
Before Sunday there were a lot of flashbacks and a couple of events where I felt wisdom in what I said. However, usually I was yapping rubbish, just like the others.
On Sunday I had started to focus on the wind element at the throat chakra. Thought that I should pay attention to arrogance, which usually accompanies the throat chakra for me - eventually forgot. In the evening I became anxious when a colleague said that the world would be a lot better if his old schoolmates were run over with a car. Asked if he really desired such a thing. For a moment I wished that he would get the experience and see for himself if he really wants that or not. Tried to explain the power of thought to him .. without much success. In his eyes I'm all weird.
The first dream that night was very serious. I was in a car, the colleague was driving. *Bump* and the car fell into the river somewhere. The being who had designed the dream, came to us and said: "You're all gonna die." As he said that, suddenly the probability space (tangible) became very limited. There was no way to change anything. At the same time, we experienced the consequences of what just happened. It was as if put behind bars physically, mentally and spiritually (imagine it eternally - that's what the dream master meant by death). The experience of being unable to do anything made me cry. The dream master then let me out and brought my attention to the golden light shining from my crown. Woke up and undid any ill thoughts.
Have been feeling bad about Sunday ever since. Dreams with heavy symbolism again. When I looked at that colleague's shirt today, for some reason it occurred to me that was my shirt (when in fact it's not, and I have never had a shirt like that). Thus, I suspect some sort of a forgotten body switch or OBE.
Have been changing the state of mind to overcome my issues. During the lectures today I realized a few things and experienced the mystical feeling that used to drive me to pk practice and meditation.
Noticed that one of the university personnel had a crown cone that was exceptionally well visible. Haven't seen anyone with that dense psi field before.
Before Sunday there were a lot of flashbacks and a couple of events where I felt wisdom in what I said. However, usually I was yapping rubbish, just like the others.
On Sunday I had started to focus on the wind element at the throat chakra. Thought that I should pay attention to arrogance, which usually accompanies the throat chakra for me - eventually forgot. In the evening I became anxious when a colleague said that the world would be a lot better if his old schoolmates were run over with a car. Asked if he really desired such a thing. For a moment I wished that he would get the experience and see for himself if he really wants that or not. Tried to explain the power of thought to him .. without much success. In his eyes I'm all weird.
The first dream that night was very serious. I was in a car, the colleague was driving. *Bump* and the car fell into the river somewhere. The being who had designed the dream, came to us and said: "You're all gonna die." As he said that, suddenly the probability space (tangible) became very limited. There was no way to change anything. At the same time, we experienced the consequences of what just happened. It was as if put behind bars physically, mentally and spiritually (imagine it eternally - that's what the dream master meant by death). The experience of being unable to do anything made me cry. The dream master then let me out and brought my attention to the golden light shining from my crown. Woke up and undid any ill thoughts.
Have been feeling bad about Sunday ever since. Dreams with heavy symbolism again. When I looked at that colleague's shirt today, for some reason it occurred to me that was my shirt (when in fact it's not, and I have never had a shirt like that). Thus, I suspect some sort of a forgotten body switch or OBE.
Have been changing the state of mind to overcome my issues. During the lectures today I realized a few things and experienced the mystical feeling that used to drive me to pk practice and meditation.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Some guy moving chairs and manifesting sand
Played a computer game on Saturday. Saw a small dark shadowy figure floating above the laptop supply adaptor. Looked away and looked back - it was still there.
Stared at a can yesterday. Occasionally took a nap while trying to remain conscious. Saw light on top of my head again.
A psion found this guy on youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbEodrwtRzU (blogger youtube search couldn't find the video)
That's pretty inspiring. The guy looks a bit spooky though. Avoided eye-contact while watching.
A lot of different flashbacks yesterday and today. Some of them seemed rather foreign to my mind in this life (and yet felt familiar from somewhere beyond).
Stared at a can yesterday. Occasionally took a nap while trying to remain conscious. Saw light on top of my head again.
A psion found this guy on youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbEodrwtRzU (blogger youtube search couldn't find the video)
That's pretty inspiring. The guy looks a bit spooky though. Avoided eye-contact while watching.
A lot of different flashbacks yesterday and today. Some of them seemed rather foreign to my mind in this life (and yet felt familiar from somewhere beyond).
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Guru yoga
For a few times now, I've managed to remain conscious through-out my naps.
Today my mind suddenly went blank and I recognized the guru in me. Started practising guru yoga (visualizing myself as the guru and maintaining focus on it). While at it, I had several flashbacks of meditating on the snow somewhere in the mountains.
Today my mind suddenly went blank and I recognized the guru in me. Started practising guru yoga (visualizing myself as the guru and maintaining focus on it). While at it, I had several flashbacks of meditating on the snow somewhere in the mountains.
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