PhD

Haven't posted for a while.

Successfully defended my PhD yesterday morning.

It took me some effort to resolve the anxiety but it was totally worth it. Somewhat relieved, I feel happier and some former bodily issues seem to be healing as well.

I've gradually started to realize how my old path was tilted without me realizing it. While I did strive for perfection, it was an imperfect perfection as it was only limited to some aspects of life.

Pain ~ weakness leaving the body

There's a nice Discord server which also kind of feels like a family. Though, more for weebs. On one hand, the server has been taking up quite a lot of free time. On another hand, it has been fun and have also been able to discuss spiritualism, pk and philosophy there. The original owner of the server has serious issues with depression, have been visualizing rays of sunlight reaching her through her darkness.

On another note, had been feeling tired and sleepy recently. A couple of nights ago I focused on some regions in the body which then released a lot of pain. The pain washed over the body and I guess some of it got stuck in the head. Had a headache the next day. Next night I also focused on some regions in the body instead of sleeping much. Concentration practice makes for very vivid dreams.

Regardless of lacking a bit of sleep, I felt pretty good today. Need to continue with the nightly concentration practices. Also, I think I should pay a bit more attention to style.

A friend recommended Paul Coelho's "The Alchemist" which I started reading today. Regardless of how little of it I've read thus far, it's quite awesome.

But a few things to post

Each true vacation starts with the traditional stomach flu. Regardless of the fact that I had not been ill for several years again, I also got to enjoy the flu thanks to relaxing the body of all the stress of city life. The cleansing process is not yet concluded, though. Need to concentrate on each chakra and free the remnant blockages one by one. Started with it today morning and nerve pain shoot through various parts of the body, but most commonly through the stomach, lungs or heart.

Re-realized that psi is supposed to be ever-flowing, never really trapped anywhere. However, our minds have been trained to try and catch everything in a jar and use it from there. Psi does not work like that.

Powerful evening

3d since the resize dream, I decided to stand outside at around midnight because the darkness felt powerful. I found it interesting that although the grass was wet, the ground was really warm. The air was also warm, just humid. Figured I wouldn't be able to resize myself physically so I simply enlarged the field of consciousness. This I've done countless times before and I know it works well. Felt the house, and the trees of various dimensions. Managed to distinguish the different personalities of the trees and paid attention to any ideas which I might be getting.

I was fascinated how each day and night could be so alike and yet so very different. The emotions are very different.

It occurred to me that always comparing the size of things is a mental construct formed by the society. A large tree is not in any way superior to a small tree. Each of them has their own spot and serves their own purpose.

There were also several other realizations or re-realizations which I don't recall now.

Old dog

"Scolded" a geezer dog via empathy. The dog became way more quiet since then, and perhaps a bit too depressed imho. I guess this proves once again that old dogs can also be trained just that different methods are needed.

Driving in reverse with a trailer

We decided to cut, chop and move firewood. Took a pickup truck with a trailer and had to maneuver between other cars and objects while driving in reverse. I had not driven with a trailer before but it wasn't that bad. I was, however, greatly concerned by the fact that I could not see the trailer for most of the time. It did not show up on any of the mirrors nor while looking out of the window nor while looking over the rear of the pickup. Unless it was at an angle large enough, I could not see it. I thank luck, intuition and cousin for occasionally showing me hand signs at some tough corners.

Truck drivers have earned a lot of respect for being able to maneuver that well while practically being able to see nothing.

Dream: Museum

A small multi-floor museum. At the top floors they had some kind of buoys for teleporting to various places around the world in order to see the world wonders and such. Grabbed to a buoy for some place in Switzerland. Nothing happened. I let go and teleported to the first floor of the museum. Apparently it wasn't working yet. However, I found the concept most interesting - the museum itself is but a hub of links to all the objects that it's a museum of.

Collective Dream

On Wednesday, while on the bus to the island, I stumbled upon a reddit post which might provide some evidence for the collective dream theory:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/cb4o99/my_friend_doesnt_exist_anymore_and_his_mom_isnt_a/

This is fairly similar to Serial Experiments Lain episode 13 and Puella Magi Madoka Magica episode 12. This is also similar to a few of my dreams.

In short, a band member disappeared, vanished from group photos and his mom became single. However, what makes this story special is the fact that most of the other band members still remember him and one of them has photo(s) of the guy who disappeared. The OP then set out to prove to others that the band member did in fact exist, hoping to make him re-appear with enough people remembering him.

The fact that a person can both exist as well as not exist, depending on people's expectations or beliefs, seems to favor the collective dream theory. According to the theory, this reality is just a collective dream and there are a lot of life forms constantly shaping it. Everything which is not "lit by conscious attention", is undefined and lacks form.

Dream: Resize

Some kind of a master came and taught me to shrink or enlarge myself or a part of my body. Since I haven't been practising psychokinesis much recently, it took me a while to grasp it. Eventually managed to stretch up to some tree branches. Only the legs were stretched, whereas the rest of the body remained the same. The master said that I would need this in about 3 days.

Sidestep

The recent intentional celibacy fails sparked a few realizations.

Realization 1

One of the realizations was about how my viewpoint of life has been flawed. I had decided to test out this viewpoint since the military service. Alternatively, it could be that it wasn't really a flaw in the viewpoint but just me growing out of it. At military service, everyone else around me was crazy about girls (only good looks were of importance) and they did not really value any of the hidden qualities nor did they value their own self-control.

I decided to reconsider my own values, relax self-control and focus more on girls, too. The more I did, the more I realized how difficult it is to find anyone who would understand me well enough, or would at least value similar traits. Then the dreams related to grandpa started, which raised some urgency in the matter. I realized how different my worldview was from what it ought to be in order to raise a family, so I worked on adapting that.

At some point I considered my worldview compatible enough with raising a family. One day I gave up on actively looking for a girlfriend. It was then that I saw a girl who seemed to be the one. Based on the way she walked and stood, it seemed that she valued similar traits and could potentially understand me. I was very surprised to see that a girl like that actually exists. Haven't seen her since. Anyway, something in me seems to have changed.

About self-control, just recently re-realized that in order to improve, I ought to do things the way they're hard to do. Probably this occurred to me thanks to actually getting a vacation after several years of constant full-time work and full-time studying. While this was somewhat obvious and very well described in Castaneda's books, I don't think it fully clicked back then. Or maybe it did but the worldview which I adapted from military service just wasn't compatible .. not sure but it's also kind of irrelevant. This should also be the key to the puzzle which has .. well .. puzzled me for years: "how to avoid losing the will to improve after reaching one's goals?" If the goal is to seek difficulties to resolve them, then it will be impossible to reach the goals and that would be perfect.

Realization 2

The other realization was about how mind constructs function. I've noticed foreign emotions and thoughts during and following celibacy fails. It's not only "you reap what you sow," but it seems it's mixed with what others have sown. Mind constructs are more powerful and more dangerous than I would have thought. It seems it's quite easy to become obsessed about such a construct, become addicted to it and eventually become possessed by it (or by whatever has been sown right next to it). Again very much like the monsters in Fullmetal Alchemist.

More respect towards Hamel

Wind has seemed rather responsive to intent recently.

Yesterday morning when I enabled 4G on my phone, its battery suddenly plummeted from around 80% down to 0, causing the phone to shut down. The battery is over 6200 mAh and has never acted like this before. Luckily it worked again just fine after recharging.

Today morning the cat looked at the ceiling lamp with great curiosity. I noticed that it was making a strange rattling noise. Looked at it but didn't notice any flickering. At some point the sound just stopped.



Recently I've been reading "The Granite Man & the Butterfly" on the bus to work and back. Amazing, but I guess it's a personal thing. For me it ties David Hamel's work together with that of Viktor Schauberger, A. H. Bahnson, T. T. Brown, N. Tesla. It also goes well with the experiences of Billy Meier, those of my father, as well as those of my own. Moreover, the book brought back some of the enthusiasm which I had forgotten.