Uneven flames

For some reason I had not been able to sleep much since last weekend, so I fell sick on Wednesday. Had a slight fever and kept visiting the toilet, which had become painful. Luckily, the fever only lasted for a day. On the next day I was already feeling good enough to take a walk to the tent of covid tests (just in case), which was about 6 km from home.

Anyway, today morning I had a dream with somewhat distressing symbolism.

Dream: Uneven flames

I was warming or cooking food on the gas stove, when suddenly the flames went out. I quickly picked a lighter and restarted the fire. I found it strange that the lighter kept having a small flame at the end, and the flames stuck to the bottom surface of the pot like napalm.

Ok, with the flame in control again (the intensity even responded to turning the knob, which usually has not worked in such dreams), I decided to check how the food was doing. I tried if the pot was too hot, which was not the case, and lifted it with bare hands.

Strangely, though, it was just a bunch of different components, each packaged separately in plastic. Well, whatever, I started checking the components. Some of them had nearly become burned while some other components were not even warm yet.

Just in case: In real life it's safer to turn off the gas, wait for a while for the non-burned gas to dissipate, and then restart the fire. Otherwise the gas might explode and cause nearby flammable objects to catch fire.

 

Morning

Somehow today I see my problems and choices from a broader perspective. I think I need to adjust again, in order to skip what I would consider to be a dead-end. For quite a while I've been living to please others, while trying my best to patiently wait for the chance to do what I've always wanted to do. However, since it doesn't really matter to people, I think there's not going to be such a chance unless I make one myself. Based on what a lot of people are already experimenting with, it's probably the right time.

Motivation & enthusiasm

For some reason I used to think that enthusiasm was something one was born with, and that it would wear out over time.

Recently it has started to seem that both enthusiasm and motivation can be practised. That they're skills which can be honed like any other.

Stage curtains

While a few years old, I remember being fascinated by stage curtains. It felt as if they isolated the space, making it really difficult for my physical senses to tell my location. I could still imagine what it was like outside, but while surrounded by these, I could imagine I was somewhere else .. and it felt so real.

Last night it occurred to me that this could perhaps be used for teleportation practice. With the physical senses offering no help in telling my whereabouts, it should be easier to visualize that I'm somewhere else.

Could set up identical small rooms in two different places. Then step into one of these and imagine being in the other one. Ok, maybe there would have to be a small sign which indicates which room it is, so that I wouldn't have to exit the room to check each time.

Heat and Glitches

Lost a bunch of energy in a dream a couple of nights ago. I've been feeling nervous for the past couple of days for some reason. Today I felt the heat reach the back of the eyeballs.

I'm used to the snapping and cracking sounds around me. However, a couple of nights ago when the cat slept on me, he startled each time something like this happened.

In the recent weeks, it has happened a couple of times that the UPS-es started beeping at night. I think it was on Monday that one of the UPS-es powered itself off after this happened. I probably ought to replace its batteries but I haven't seen it power itself off before. The previous time there was a brief power outage (during Christmas), it just caused all the equipment to reboot (and my home network to obtain a new IP address).

Accidental shopping

Visited the shop to buy some food while on my way back home from the office.

A few hours later, mom came home. She found that I had also bought the exact same kind of juice. Then she found that I had bought the same kind of potatoes (just more of them). Since she had mentioned that we should buy more potatoes and juice the previous day, we thought it was just a nice coincidence.

Some time later I was checking what mom was cooking in the oven. It was some kind of a Texas schnitzel which I hadn't tried before. Which was also exactly the same as I had bought. Both of us were surprised as I pulled out the other package from the fridge.

Avatar of strands

Received a letter from my neighbour today. Two Christmas cards, one with some awesome dark and mysterious poetry, the other for Mom.

Dad visited with a cake on Sunday. While we were chatting, I practised maintaining a clear mind. At some point, there was a really loud cracking sound. We were all startled, and started to wonder what might've broken. I thought it was the tea jug, but it turned out to be just a strand of hair on the external surface of the jug. The strand of hair legit looked like a crack in the glass.

I failed to find anything else which might've produced the sound.

I think it was Monday evening that I analyzed what it was that sometimes made me feel disgusted about the human body. Some time at night I realized that it was basically something akin to karma accumulated in the body. So it wasn't the human body itself which triggered disgust, I think it was more the non-physical things which had been stored in the body. Moreover, these things themselves were also not disgusting, but rather the thoughts, memories or interpretations which for me associated to these.

In a sense, the body (or any object, for that regard) could be likened to a shelf of mental constructs. Or to an avatar which represents a plethora of concepts. I remembered that I could refresh my avatar simply by concentrating on the feelings which I wanted it to portray.

During the past couple of days, I've been pumping psi up the central channel. Developed a headache at first, again. The heat has also increased quite a bit, and last night I must've had too much energy to sleep through the night. From about 2 AM to 5 AM or so, I kept turning sides, hoping that I would fall asleep again.

Synchronicities

Today morning I replied to someone on Discord. That someone was offline, and I remembered that they usually disable ping when they reply to someone else. I wondered if it had been a mistake not to disable ping. Some time later they woke up and apologized that for some reason Discord had not shown the ping.

It has happened several times already that someone thinks of pinging me on Discord, and I randomly stumble upon and respond to their question before they manage to ping me. On one of the servers, people used to joke that it's enough to just type my nickname into the text somewhere and it would be enough for me to see it. And no, I usually miss most of the messages because there's simply too much to read through all of it.

Today I had been away from the computer for a couple of hours. The moment I arrived at the computer, someone sent a MAL friend request. I got to accept it before they had the time to tell me that they did.

Dream: Flying object

A dream which stood out a bit. There was some strange background music, so I was wondering what was going on. I thought that obviously there would have to be something scary or creepy somewhere, but I just couldn't see it. There was someone with me, and they pointed towards the sky. There was some kind of a tiny object circling around above the stable.

I looked at it, found that it was easy to manipulate with psychokinesis. Had it descend, picked it up and played with it for a while.