Female side

While healing the eye, I found what I had thrown away with the rest of the burden.

Balance

I've gotten the impression that every person has both a female and a male side in their non-physical bodies.

I had totally forgotten about my female side and apparently tried to throw that out with the rest of it. If I hadn't, then maybe the consequences would have been less dire or maybe nothing would have happened at all?

Anyway, during healing I re-found my left side again which I think should / should've rendered me independent again so that I would not need to rely on other people to exist.

Dark veil

After re-merging it, I noticed that there were 4 strands of consciousness running through it (backref to the 3-4 eyes and 4 people from previous post). Separating these strands was the good old familiar dark fog / veil. I decided to remove the dark fog and let the strands re-merge.

I visualized extracting the blob of dark veil and stuffing it into a jar for maybe using it later. However, right after doing that I realized the mistake - the dark veil itself is separation and I cannot separate separation from itself. So, I let it go to rejoin itself (with a smirk because I don't think that would be possible, either).

Researching the psychological cause

Looked into the symbology from a dream dictionary and found the following relations:

• Left eye relates to the moon (which in turn to the female side)
• An issue with the eyes corresponds to clouded judgement, or not seeing things for what they really are

One potential cause for the illness could have been the fact that typically I don't really enjoy the Christmas parties at grandparents' place. It somewhat feels like a job to go there and keep smiling to lengthen their lifespan. It has to be done but I should not treat it as the main reason for a family get-together. This could've been a minor contributing factor for the illness.

Not long before the illness I had discussed the conflicting life goals with a male friend. Considering the attempt at detachment, I acted exactly against his suggestion, which might've also been one of the contributing factors for the illness.

During the illness, I decided to take the dream from a few posts ago (clicky) and apply it.

Discussed the conflicting life goals with a female friend. The discussion eased my fears somewhat. There's no point in being afraid of something which might or might not happen in some future. If it happens, it happens (and need to deal with it then) and if it does not, then there was no reason to worry about it in the first place. Such worries could have also been one of the contributing factors for the illness.