Hatred or intensity?

Have been pushing on levitation recently again. Yesterday evening on my way shopping, I observed a tall tree and acquired a strong feeling of levitating next to it. Almost as if I had already done it occasionally. Walked past a construction work of a children playground.

Last night I had a bright dream (sun was shining, lots of details) where I walked the same alley. Construction work again. Though, this time they had dropped a long tree. As I walked on the grass next to the tree, I noticed that the tree had a wooden hut on it. Continued walking .. several more huts that had been broken and brought down with the tree. There was a large tractor cutting branches and stripping the tree. Tried to stay out of the way. Figured I was safer flying past quickly. Lifted, flew and gradually increased speed to 70 km/h or something. Haven't flown so fast in a dream for years. Gradually slowed down at the end of the alley and descended back onto the grass.

A lot of mistakes recently. I try hard, I try several days and in the end the result is still the same as if I had not put forth any effort at all or sometimes it becomes even worse. This has caused anxiety and stubbornness but in a more or less controlled way. Realized that pretty much all aversion comes from the habit of not wanting to take responsibility for something.

Realized that polyphasic sleep doesn't work for me. The schedule is too chaotic. On Saturday and Sunday, I often sleep polyphasic. On Monday I can sleep biphasic at most. On Tuesday I can only sleep monophasic (because the whole day is a single monolithic chunk of meetings, work, seminars for 11 hours straight). Became real sleepy and a bit anxious on Tuesday because brain stopped working at the time when I had taken a nap on weekend and on Monday. However, couldn't afford sleep .. one meeting and one seminar left. The rest of the week is more free again.

Realized the core of a sensation that I usually try to avoid. At the core of the bubble it's intense love and heat. From the outside it looks more like hatred. This sort of psi is thick and of low mobility, it just blocks psi channels. Anyway, this thing keeps growing until I manage to throw psi away again. That's also why celibacy doesn't work. Anti-celibacy helps to flush it and bring the body back to its normal functionality again.

Could try to artificially make psi more liquid. Perhaps maintaining strong focus throughout the process also helps against stale psi. Though, strong focus again relates more to self-hatred than being relaxed or something. I guess this is occasionally called intensity, not anxiety or hatred. Anyway, I'll keep at it whether it's hatred or not. I don't f******n want weak focus.