Different lucidity

The intensity has subsided, it only lasted for about 3 days.

Started with Chi-Gong exercises yesterday evening. Thanks to MasterWoo for covertly sharing a few. For yesterday, the first and the most simple exercise was quite a feat already. Took me a while to get it going so that it would feel close enough to how I think it's supposed to be done. Belly breathing in that pose was a bit painful at first. Gradually the pain moved upwards and got stuck in the shoulders and throat. Some sort of lumps of psi moved down the arms as well. Consciousness jolted for a couple of times, which caused plant leaves to sway around.

Performed another session today morning. Took the first two exercises, but I guess I did not perform them quite correctly yet. It felt as if it barely made a difference.

A lot of thesis writing only to find that there's heaps of work to be done for a minor subject as well.

Took a short nap, which ended up as 3-4 hours of sleep. A lot of awkward dreams. However, one of them stood out because my mind acted in an unpredictable way. I was in a strange reality and came home. I was aware of it being different and all, so I was lucid in a sense. However, as I walked into the corridor that connects the living room and kitchen, I saw dad and sister in the kitchen, discussing something. In addition to them, there was a construct in the kitchen .. that's what they were discussing. It was a cel-shaded girl, as if cut out from an anime or something. The construct was supposed to be somehow associated with me .. didn't pay much attention to their chat. Stepped into the kitchen and noticed that both dad's as well as sister's arguments swayed my mind. The mind flipped from one side to the other, rising affection and aversion as cycles. Then suddenly I realized that none of that was actually relevant to me, because I was lucid dreaming anyway. Then the dream fell apart - without the cyclic affection and aversion, there was nothing left. Tried to keep it together somehow at first, because I wanted to continue sleeping for a little longer. Couldn't keep it together, consciousness gathered into my room and woke up .. and realized it was just one layer up, I wasn't fully awake yet.

There was another dream, where I was at some sort of a school building + research facility + dorm + cafeteria. Gathered with colleagues to discuss something at the cafeteria. Ate as well. For some reason, after I was full, the whole floor was covered in food and everything was a mess. I still had some on my plate. Ate it.

When I woke up in this reality, my body felt different. It felt very .. small, fine and lightweight.

During the past few days, I have realized a couple of more things.

Walked into the kitchen and grabbed a lot of cookies. The cookies were really good, but at some moment I realized that I've been constantly seeking something. And I've put in a lot of effort, too. However, the thing I've been seeking .. it's a phony. It's my own construct. So, basically, I've been playing a dog chasing its own tail.

Also realized that actually I have everything I need. Today I've been battling the habit of going shopping for stuff that I think I need but I actually don't. I don't need cookies, I don't need muesli, I don't need milk, I don't need a lot of stuff. I just need to enjoy the present moment a bit more.