Safe ground

Last night had an even more violent dream. Today I caught myself laughing at situations that were not funny. In fact, laughing was not polite at all.

Took a daily nap of about 2 hours.

I still find it a bit difficult to let go properly, especially with all those responsibilities. If it only affected me and perhaps some friends, it would be easier to let go and relax. I take things seriously when they seem to have a considerable impact on the country's economy and foreign politics. Or perhaps I'm taking these things too seriously -- perhaps even more seriously than politicians do?

Anyhow, have to somehow do all that is needed, with only barely enough time and not enough people to do it. No excuses, nothing to explain away the unforeseen delays (somehow even multiplying initial estimates by a factor of 4 or 5 wasn't enough).

There's a habit to think of the periphery of attention as something over which I have no control. For example, I like to think I have no control over the delays of the work of others: component distributors, manufacturers, etc. I love curling up on the safe ground that I've considered my area of expertise: software development. Also, spreading attention / focus on a wide area seems rather difficult for me. I mean, while I'm working on management issues, then software or electronics development seems so far out there that it takes time to get back to it again as well as the other way around. So, perhaps the widening of attention is what I need to work on? Hmm .. this actually makes sense.