Inaudible storm

Strange stress from nowhere again.

A dream: Woke up and looked out of the balcony window. All trees were in green leaves already. There was quite a storm outside, judging by how the trees were swaying. However, the storm didn't make a sound. Couldn't hear the wind (or could only barely hear it) indoors.

Another dream: Explored some kind of a dungeon again. Entered through the roof and ventured downwards. There were a few people in the rooms and corridors on the first two floors. Someone entered and poisoned the people there. Winded time back a little and stole something from that someone before he managed to complete their mission. In the dream, that something was symbolized by a large fishing hook. Headed to a small workshop near the building and cut the eye of the hook off so that it would no longer work as intended. Moving around was easy, although that someone had started chasing me. They had a physical body, whereas I didn't - so, I could easily fly from floor to floor, walk through locked doors and so on. Used a lot of that to put some distance between us.

Watched the first episode of the Believe series. I was amazed at the quality. Looks very promising.

Sky was covered in thick clouds and it was raining. Took a short meditative nap during the day. Sky was perfectly clear, sun shining.

Sister invited me and dad to watch a movie on Steve Jobs. Hesitated at first, but decided to still watch it. Stress .. at some moment there was a power surge or something, lamps lit up bright for a moment, everything went dark for a split-second, UPS-es beeped. It seems nothing serious happened.

What is balance?

In the past few days, I've had a few realization moments. A few moments of weight reduction and a few meditation sessions. A few moments of the mind burning in the body.

Recently I've been having difficulties with stress and tension again. Each night I spend hours on relieving the tension and relaxing the body. Each day tension builds up for no apparent reason.

There's a part of my mind that gets stressed out on anything that annoys it. It would just want to be left at peace. There's another part of the mind that has bullied it a lot during all those years. It enjoys bullying the other part that easily becomes hurt. It's weak .. why is it weak when it doesn't like being hurt. It shouldn't be weak, then. Anyway, both of these parts of the mind are afraid .. just afraid of different things.

Today I started to wonder: "What is balance?" Asked sister and we discussed the subject a little. A little thought experiment:

• A system of equal and opposing forces could be considered in balance
• Let's say there's a particle that swings in a potential well, going from one side to the other, passing through the point of balance in between. The symbol of infinity. The system could be considered to be in balance, because the fluctuations average out on a broader scale.
• The same could be said about a cluster of 2 particles with opposite signs - they balance each-other out. Neither of the particles is in balance, but the system as a whole is in balance.
• Now, what if we take the typical good vs. bad system. For more fun, let's define good as peace and unconditional love, let's define bad as its opposite. Isn't peace and unconditional love an indication of balanced energy? However, since they're opposites, then between the two opposites there's also a point of balance and moreover, the system itself is in balance because it's a sum of two equal opposites.

This led me to an idea of an infinite fractal system with recursion that doesn't make sense when I try to write it. Never mind.

Haven't seen anything special in the dreams lately.

Cleaning the channels

Yesterday I studied a bit of anatomy and read on sexual tantra from here:
http://www.meditationexpert.com/meditation-techniques/m_sexual_tantra.html

Very good info, although, much of it is a rant on the ignorance of our society.

Couldn't sleep too well last night. Spent most of the night, clearing psi blockages in the body by focusing on the corresponding points on the top of the head. Interesting how through the top of the head, one can access any regions in the body.

A nice manga with good humor and psionics:
http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Ability/001?id=146598

Today I've been listening to binaural beats as an ambient. Noticed that 0.9 Hz made me sleepy pretty quickly. Increased the frequency in my body manually and took the next one from the playlist.

Don't bottle darkness

Focused on the top of the head again yesterday. This quickly led me to headaches localized to the back of the head. Blurred the field of focus a little and fell asleep.

Woke up tired again. Today I've tried not to become drawn to or averted from what pops into mind. Occasionally found my mind fighting an unpleasant image or two that had appeared.

During a lecture, one coworker asked questions and another one asked me to fix a binary log. This increased stress. Paid attention to the process and observed it, while trying to amplify the other half of the coin as well. The result was interesting .. no tension, but the whole body was buzzing of excitement and yet calm at the same time. Some cold psi started moving around in the body. This lasted for about 1.5 hours.

Some more thoughts that I found myself denying in my mind. Hadn't even noticed those patterns before. No wonder stuff has been out of balance.

Suddenly felt almost weightless for a few seconds at a department store. There have also been rushes of cold and warm psi, which I hadn't experienced for a while.

Astral adman

Asked a bunch of questions about yin and yang at the psychokinesis forum. Shut down the laptop, crawled into bed and got the answers telepathically. This is one thing that discourages me from asking questions. I mean, if answers are all there and one only needs to ask, then why not do it in their mind? All the answers come to the mind anyway. Why does it only work when one puts forth effort to ask it in this material world? When 10 questions are like answered in a split-second, then wouldn't they be stupid questions? Because nobody even had to think about them .. all the answers were self-evident anyway.

One dream. I'm walking down a road, completely naked and without any possessions. The weather was just a few degrees above zero, but I didn't feel cold. I was at peace and at balance .. just walking.

At some moment, someone appeared and pointed towards the ditch: "Look, there are carpets, which you can wrap around yourself when you sleep, so that it wouldn't be cold." I looked and carpets had appeared where previously there was just dirt. I thanked the astral entity. When I thanked the entity, they pointed next to the carpets: "Look, there's a small hut over there! You can rest and sleep in there." Indeed, a small hut had appeared from thin air. I thanked the entity and went to check out the hut. Once inside, every corner of the hut grew when I wasn't looking. The entity was showing me all the luxury in there. It gradually grew into a wooden castle of sorts. Would've fit an entire village or something. I asked the entity for a reason, but got a vague answer and then the dream stopped. Not once in the dream did I feel like resting or sleeping, so I simply looked around, thinking that I just might, when the night comes.

The rest 0.4 of the night, I spent at a table with 2 colleagues, discussing the requirements for the next project. A very fruitful discussion. Woke up sleepy.

Tried to maintain focus on yin & yang being in perfect balance throughout the day.

Weird .. somebody just called from the door outside, but nobody was there.

Dream conspiracy

Twice today morning I noticed that I could see the wallpaper with my eyes closed.

Today morning I experienced a fail of celibacy again. A pretty clever dream. I had a birthday. Tables covered in delicious food. Went to bed after that. In the morning, a couple of imposters (disguised as grandparents) started injecting false memories. Even though I managed to prove the memories absurd, I still became confused and started analyzing them. Some uncensored content was packed into these memories.

About a week or two ago, I suddenly realized that all food tastes really good. Potatoes, carrots, meat, milk .. all of these suddenly tasted really sweet. I can't eat chocolate anymore, one little piece of chocolate overflows the taste of sweetness. It seems I also can't eat raw onions anymore .. a few pieces made my head feel as if all sound rumbled inside the skull. I have to admit, I've become addicted to eating. Probably: focusing on enjoying the taste of the food does not improve digestion. It makes the taste of food more enjoyable.

Moreover, food didn't digest. I could just eat lunch and not be able to sleep at night because of the stomach being full. On the other hand, if I didn't eat, eye sight would reduce slightly, blood circulation would slow down and so on..

There's supposed to be 2 polarities of psi, right? Usually when this happens, I feel as if one of the polarities was dominating so that I could no longer feel the other one. I wonder how I could increase the intensity of both polarities simultaneously.

Looked at the clock, it was about 7 PM. I was starting to feel hunger, but thought that if I ate then, I wouldn't be able to sleep again. So, went for a jog before eating. Hopefully it'll digest faster now.

I'm not sure if the mind-trick experiment of radiating more heat actually works or not. Haven't been able to always reproduce the sensation. When I have, it seems to have worked sometimes.

Angry dog

Focused on the stomach, with the intent to digest faster so that I could sleep properly, without rolling around on a full stomach. Eating late is a bad habit. Perhaps I should take up a sport, instead. Anyway, the whole night went into focusing on the stomach. Occasionally I lost consciousness and fell asleep, then woke up again and restored the focus.

One of the colleagues was unhappy because he had all his data on a mirrored drive. One of the drives burned, seriously damaging the graphics card as well as the other drive. He lost all his valuable data. A creepy nightmare of really low probability.

While walking home, I sensed a dog having something against me. Looked in that direction and saw a lady walking two dogs, about 10 meters from me. One of the dogs was just angry at me for no apparent reason. The other dog looked annoyed about the first one "Sigh, there it goes again .." *looks away*
Once the dog reached the proximity of 1.5 meters, it started barking at me.

Browsed through the files on the old laptop, looking for a specific screenshot for a presentation. Eventually found it. The file name was: "Screenshot - 10112013 - 11:11:11 AM.png" On the screenshot, there are a few more 11s. Haven't seen the 11:11 phenomena for a while now.