Dark Veil

Today morning I pondered about the feelings of loneliness, sadness, separation and what causes these. Obviously these feelings arise from an illusion, a bitter-sweet illusion. Though, it occurred to me that this illusion is caused by the dark veil.

Based on this, the dark veil (dark blue haze) might have the following fundamental properties: it absorbs and isolates (disintegrates).

It fits rather well with my astral travel / out-of-body experiences. The dark veil can be used to cut space-time, making it possible to be partially in one realm and partially in another. Or perhaps the dark veil is simply the lack of space-time in the first place?

In general this seems to fit well with the guides and stories from Steve Richards' book on invisibility. I think that the main method was wrapping oneself in the dark veil, which would then grant invisibility.

I suspect that presence is only really presence if it's bidirectional - one is aware of others, and others are aware of the one. That is, presence is based on empathy. Now if one isolates themselves from the surroundings with the help of this dark veil, their presence is diminished. It would seem as if the dark veil is absorbing or eating away the energy of the person. So, probably a good anchor would be needed to circumvent this.

Ever noticed how depending on emotions, everything seems brighter or darker? Perhaps we experience this veil differently on the different astral layers of our bodies? On one layer it looks like loneliness, sadness, depression, whereas on another layer it just looks like a dark cloud or mist?

What if people struggling with depression are simply overwhelmed by the veil?

I've also thought that perhaps magicians love to mimick the dark veil with black cloth in their tricks where they cut people in half, make them disappear and so on.

All in all, the dark veil is a powerful tool if it's used with care.

Something changed

There was a surge in intent last night / today morning, I think. The force field around the body has been quite thick already. When I focused on it, it caused nausea.

Walked to a parking lot next to a friend's dorm. Realized that I could see my old kindergarten from behind the trees and through two fences. Went closer. Looked at the place, some old memories came up. To avoid clinging to them, I turned around and walked back to friend's car. Looked at the trees instead. A seagull shouted, circled around me and flew towards the kindergarten. I kept my eyes at it throughout the event. Then looked back at the trees. Mind became blank and I got somewhat absorbed in the trees. Birds were chirping on one of the trees. Sensed power / energy increasing there. Then the birds flew away and a sort of darkness flew into the tree. The power stayed there. I turned around, looked around and still the power stayed there in the branches and leaves of that tree. I thought I had leaked it out due to prolonged focus on the tree. I let go of my obsession with trees, to which the trees reacted with a violent swaying and shaking of the leaves. The power remained. Focused on the power and observed it without obsession. Somehow took a part of it. The force field around the body wobbled quite a bit.

By utilizing blank mind, I challenged dirty thoughts. For one, the dorm building used to give me the sensation of a fire accident each time I looked at it. Purged it so that the sensation dissipated.

After standing there for about 20 minutes or so, I realized I was standing in the middle of an ants' highway. Heavy traffic. None of them touched me, though. I carefully stepped away.

Buildings, trees, birds, people feel different. The 24/7 focus on the force field is almost back. Not quite, but almost. By focusing on it, internal tension and stress faded away pretty quick.

On another note, the first week in gym was a bit tough. Easily started to feel sick .. drank a lot of water, juice, milk. Skin became fragile and started peeling off .. ate a lot of butter. Well, obviously one needs to have something to put butter on before eating it .. so I ate black and white or fake (grayscale rice+corn disk) bread, too.

Old karma

Well, something hit the fan .. I think.

In my mind there are several alternative possibilities that may not be mutually exclusive:

1. I've caught a cold during those OBE attempts perhaps or something.
2. Impure mind has inflicted self-injury.
3. Some black magic at works.
4. I entered the field of my old constructs, which made me cold (stressed and shivered a lot).

Anyway, at work I was sitting at a friend's desk, because mine had occasionally been occupied by someone else. The friend arrived (rarely comes there, since his contract ended months ago). So .. I took my old seat and there I started having shivers .. it was cold, even though I had a fleece on and the room was warm. As I tried to fix the spot, I felt a resistance to my intent.

Today morning the last dream ended in a really suspicious way. Dad and I were about to go somewhere. Dad took a tractor and I just walked. At the corner of a field, there was a buzz saw. For some reason, he did not see it and he drove into it. It cut into the front of the tractor and the tractor deformed the saw so that it cut into its own wires. I casually went to the saw and pulled the plug to stop the sparkling, then walked away. Sparking didn't stop, though .. which was really suspicious. Then the cable turned into a witch's hand, which exploded. The hand gave off the feeling of evil / anger to such a degree that the witch thought sacrificing their hand had been worth the effort to cause damage to someone. It felt as if by pulling the plug, I had disturbed the witch's black magic so that it became unstable and as the last resort, it decided to explode.

Well, I think it's me against my own semi-subconscious constructs that have been caused by an impure state of mind. So, perhaps it was my own black magic that I disturbed and dissipated?

I like how there was no fear nor loss of mind clarity in the dream. However, the dream itself was not very clear - as if seeing through a haze of darkness.

Oh, remembered that before the bed, I noticed my internal light was obstructed by a lot of thin black films, which were curved (as if slightly burnt). The edges of the films / sheets were sparkling with color. Before falling asleep, I was busy cleaning it up, making it all luminous.

Also remembered that I saw a lot of shadows, faces today .. a lot more than usual. And that at work, as I focused on the surroundings, I heard a strange noise from about 20 m behind me. Looked and couldn't see nothing. After the strange noise, the activity of bird chirps and birds flying suddenly increased dramatically. At least, for a few seconds and then it became normal again. Since that flying dream, I've been hearing sounds different (regular sounds non-localized + astral sounds).

Sleeping aware

While listening to Castaneda audio-books, I used to stare at the desktop wallpaper. At some point, one of them [1] struck back. It became alive and I felt it trying to absorb / entrap me. Changed the wallpaper. The next one [2] had a tiny anime character that was partially covered by a desktop icon. This image was alright until I just grew tired of staring at it. Nice synchronicity / manifestation, though .. the image went very well with the Journey to Ixtlan. Changed the wallpaper, now to [3]. After I had been staring at it for some time, I realized I had been staring at it while sort of clinging to the image. Realized that I was repeating the same mistake as with [1] and let go.

With the recent progress in relaxation and letting go, I've had moments of clarity throughout the night. It has become easier to become / stay aware once the body has fallen asleep. For several times I've found myself in a strange situation while dreaming .. and focused on observing myself observing the situation.

Took a nap and noticed that places popped in mind .. tried not to become hooked to any of those, going back to the body every now and then.

An OBE-ish dream with cars parked at the side of the road. Everything looked real blurry and hazy and reflections had a lot of bloom.

Probably became lost in something. Woke up slightly depressed and demotivated.

Took another nap, trying not to fall asleep. This one also wasn't very refreshing, but seemed to have strengthened the focus.

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Wallpaper reference:

[1] Figurine of a Steins;Gate character

Kurisu Makise by Ex14Dsilent on DeviantArt

[2] An unknown wallpaper

[3] Hatsune Miku

Positive feedback loop

Not a healthy thing to do, but today I experienced myself as an amplifier in a positive feedback loop.

Visited a bank office at a shopping mall. A mother and two kids were walking down the hall and past me. One of the kids passed by very close to me. He was in a bad mood, angry. As he got closer, I felt the anger wash over me .. somehow it was amplified until something snapped (as if something burned out into a short-circuit) and the kid started crying. Since I haven't experienced such a situation in such a way before, I did not try to stop or transform anything .. I simply observed it as it happened (all within a second or so).

For me this was temporary and within the limits of what the body and mind can tolerate. However, for the kid .. I do hope he's alright. If it weren't for the rules of this society, I would have at least discussed it with him and his mother and would've tried to fix it.

900 - something's not right

Felt good, warm and a little floaty of psi.

Had a Skype chat with Mom and then a colleague. She proposed to organize a visit to Spain for me next summer. Suddenly, the body started feeling hungry, tired, started producing cold sweat, twitching and shivering all over. Psi gone. Exactly like I've experienced before, when discussing stuff with some specific sort of people. Psi-vamps? What the heck..

It has been a while since the last time this happened. Though, this time the contrast was so clear.

Mosquito construct

Had to leak some of the most stale energy, in order to get it flowing again. Thanks to this, metabolism started going again and stomach problems were solved as well. Masturbation is sometimes useful. Though, should find what I'm doing wrong so I wouldn't develop this stale energy in the first place.

Maybe those psi-vamps had good intentions after all, perhaps they just weren't enough to get the energy flowing again? Sorry vamps, probably misunderstood it.

Couldn't sleep too well last night. Felt a bit too fresh. Also, whenever consciousness slipped from the body, a mosquito sensed its breakfast. At least, from the senses of it. When the consciousness was back, that mosquito was no-where to be found. While away, I thought I could actually see the mosquito and feel it landing on the skin. When I came back to shoo it away, I could see nothing there, nor could I hear it .. even the sensation of the mosquito being on the skin slowly "melted away".

Also, the sensation of someone or something holding a hand to my cheek .. it got stronger. Felt a rather strong push there. Pretty much throughout the whole night, the left arm was twitching. Got to clean the arm as well.

A swallow had entered the balcony again, and couldn't get out because of the glass windows. That's the second time within a few weeks that this has happened.

Burst emissions

Laid down in bed and burst psi emissions. In the light of these emissions, a hose to my stomach became visible. "Ah, the same guy," I thought. Concentrated some psi and sent it down the hose for him, then performed more of these radial psi bursts outwards from the centre of the body. It seemed that these bursts cut through the hose, or at least it started to degrade at the surface of the body. The loose end of the broken hose was still dangling there .. so, I just started pulling it .. pulled until I saw the guy. Had him sit down on the edge of the bed, observed him for a moment, then caused a surge of upward-flowing psi in him. Noticed that the powerful feeling of it made him feel superior. Showed him an exercise on him, then had him try. A few minutes later, he got it going. With this one, there shouldn't be a need for him to vamp like that.

Don't know whether that was just the imagination or not, but it was cool. And felt a lot more fresh afterwards .. so I'm happy with it.

Hmm ... it seems the stomach was not the only problem. My left arm kept twitching for a couple of days, and suddenly felt weakened again just a moment ago.

It's interesting, how sometimes when I see a part of "my" body, a bright blue spot appears on it or nearby.

From researcher to their own research

A while ago, there was another inspiring levitation dream. Would be cool to eventually fly around between planets and galaxies, in a psychic force bubble.

Visited Margaret again yesterday. She's an extrasensory girl from India.

Rather creepy stories of funeral rituals and black magic from the older times, some of which are probably still practised in more rural areas. She described, how people would reanimate the dead or summon spirits of local gods / goddesses, offer sacrifice and beg for them to restore their honour and wealth and avenge others. This usually involves people from other families becoming ill or dying.

To be honest, to me it sounds more like constructs and tulpas and not gods, goddesses. That's because it would seem logical that someone as great as a god or a goddess is also advanced spiritually. I mean, how could one claim to be a god and control people, who are far more powerful and mature than themselves? It just doesn't work that way.

Margaret explained that she needs our help. Tormented by a malevolent spirit, she needs to take medications just to be able to live through the nights. Several people from her family have died, showing signs of black magic at work.

Looked at her from a broader perspective or something and sensed the presence of a dark, large and strong cloud. This thing seemed several magnitudes larger than Margaret herself. Its power made me think before any attempts of messing with it. Even in case such an attempt were successful, the consequences wouldn't be very good. Someway or another, she has to win it herself .. only then can she be free and independent. Otherwise it's almost like one country attacking another, with the intent to free it from its sufferings.

She knows the solution but she's unsure if that's what she really wants. She would have to give up her normal career and future as a researcher .. and become her own research.

Again, the visit made me really paranoid about my geisting, especially since I would occasionally feel psi intensity boosting several fold. Perhaps that's why these visits usually yield a similar feeling as a long meditation session.

There were 3 of us visiting her. 2 of us sat on her bed. Noticed the feeling of cold in the bed. For the first time, I realized it wasn't physical. It's Yin.

Doesn't compare against other

Wow, looks like another level up on the forum. Shy's manifesting water vapor. Andreidionisie has become a breatharian, immune to heat/cold and able to generate heat. One of Owltwelve's tulpas lifted him into the air while hugging or something. His heat generation, mind control and OBE are becoming wilder each day, too. Really inspiring.

Oh well, had some fun observing other people at the exam queue. Happy people leaving. Emotions and thoughts of a girl, who had just failed the driving exam. Emotions and thoughts of a guy, who had just passed the theory exam, etc.

Couldn't get it, why this self should be nervous about anything. Passed the theory exam, but without any emotions. Got to practice for driving exam now. Even if I would've failed, I wouldn't have had emotions. So, why nervous if for me it wouldn't change a thing? Nervous for other people thinking about me?

Being nervous and stressed is unhealthy. It shields the inner-heat .. was shivering of cold there (it was rather warm there, actually). Whereas when I'm relaxed, I often feel somewhat immune to cold.

Played with a tiny tree-branch on a puddle with pk, moving it around and away from car tires.

Dreams of emotion-control

Two days ago, had a dream, where I was observing some people. I guess there were 2 or 3 of them .. some sort of superheroes, saving people and stuff.

After a stressful day, I guess one of them lost to their emotions and transformed into some sort of a lifeform (non-human, but had some human features). These beings used emotions to find hosts. Among them, hosts with superpowers were especially treasured, because they could use the host's powers to some extent.

This being targeted another one of the group. He could see, feel them and put forth a lot of effort to fight it, but eventually got transformed as well. This guy that was born from him, looked different from the other one. He had held high hopes of acquiring the host's superpowers, but couldn't use them. However, he still believed he did. For most of the time, these beings had to rely on witchcraft anchored to objects (bones, some powders and rituals).

The new guy now targeted the 3rd one in the group (female, I guess). She had been observing the whole event and also knew what this was about. She stood calm and unaffected and didn't "die".





Next day, one of the coworkers commented on having been vamped upon.
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Yesterday evening, after practising some Trataka, I had a dream where I almost lost most of the the cultivated energy again.

Held it for as long as I could and at some moment the dream transformed. Suddenly saw, how the figure of attraction was actually a monster. A partially failed experiment. The dream ended by feeling compassion towards that creature.

Sorrow to light

Had somewhat brighter dreams again last night. Spent reprogramming myself with the help of someone else. Found it queer that we would be writing code near the stables at summerhouse, with the fresh aroma of droppings.

Can't remember what it was that I was re-designing.

A dream or an experience that I can't remember. Anyway, as it ended, I remember coming a long way back home, that is, to this reality. Finally being close enough, I started to see the shades of the window and balcony door, surrounded by this veil of darkness (as in some previous OBEs). Entered the body, by having the body "breathe" it in or something. At least that would be close to what it sounded and felt like.
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Told father about the feeling of being drained when he was around. He said he had been feeling energized and having his mind racing, recently.

Came up with a theory. Father's field would stimulate some sort of processes in my energy body. However, since I was lacking energy, it only drained me. Dad was not psi-vamping, I was just too drained to catch up with his thought-forms.

Went jogging with him.

Need to learn to love and respect everything dark that I've learned again.

The whole thing is just so sad, feel sorry for mankind, our brothers and Earth. I wish we would all awaken and overcome this repetitive cycle of sorrow.

Whaz subcon?

Yesterday, a guy in charge of the management of these apartment blocks came to give electronic keys. He was pretty nervous .. many of the residents had not been at home.

::click:: corridor lamp turned off. He went to turn it back on. Nothing happened. He tried again, 3 or 4 times, even. Still nothing.

I was about to comment: "Weird. I wonder if it burned out..?"

He said: "Most likely it will work when I calm down." Touched the switch and the lamp was shining once more.

Felt amazingly full of energy yesterday. There was energy rushing through the whole body.
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Had an interesting dream. I guess we were cleaning up at summerhouse and sister was cooking.

A lot of precognition, hints from the subconscious and some pk practice.

Aunt asked me to take some sort of a glass object down from a shelf. She told me to be careful with it. Subconscious told me I was not in proper control of my emotions to do that. Put some more effort into controlling the emotions and tried to be extra careful.

This was denial of subconscious or whatever there was, suggesting things.

Had the object in my hands, about to give it to aunt. Then, suddenly the object became paranormally heavy. Too heavy for me to lift it, even too heavy to lift with the help of pk. So it fell to the floor, throwing a shard off its structure. Tried to lift it up from the floor .. it was really light, even about 100 times lighter than when I took it from the shelf.

Aunt cast all her anger on me with pleasure. Didn't let it resonate with me, because that would've been an easy way for them to acquire energy from me.

Instead, I started to wonder. Here's how it all felt: someone is ordering me around, considering themselves superior. Then, as I disobey, they feel humiliated and have to show me that it is they, who hold all the power. This glass object becoming so heavy .. it felt like it was done by the same being who had been acting as subconscious mind in that dream.

Thus, the question: What is it that I'm calling subconscious? Is it not some sort of an entity, attached to the spirit?
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Amazingly beautiful morning with a nice warm wind, followed by an amazingly warm day.

Lamb

For some reason, I kept messing up words, forgetting expressions and names. It didn't feel good at all .. I was pretty embarrassed and not very content with myself this way. Sought for some bad explanations on why this is happening. This undermined the self-confidence in succeeding that I had built with the last few days. Strangely my wording didn't seem to bother anyone else.

While walking back home, there was something sliding on the road. A few cars passed by and it seemed to have been sliding in the drafts. I got curious and practiced some pk on it when it was just about to slow down and stop. The traffic lights were red and no cars were driving near it; also, wind didn't seem to be strong enough to slide something like that. Anyway, I slid it forward with the same speed, next to an edge of the road. I wanted to save it from being run over by cars. Uh oh, the traffic lights went green. I sharply changed its direction towards the edge and sped it up. It slid against the edge, but couldn't get up. I tried to lift it off enough so that wind would help me push it up the edge, but I didn't quite make it. I had already walked past it.

I was not bold enough to tape anything. Why would I carry a camera with me if I'm afraid to use it in public? =S..

Hm, sister wrote a few offensive e-mails as a response to a mail I had meant to be inspiring. In fact, I felt good on how that mail came out .. I even learned something new from my answers to her. 

It was interesting to observe how my heart started beating fast when I read her mails. I calmed it down and cleared my mind by focusing on the feeling of my surroundings. When I looked back at the mails, my heart started pounding again. Overcame it a few minutes later, but muscles all over my body started twitching. I think I was being vamped. Maybe that's why I was having trouble in the morning.

I realized this and felt a spider web around me that was pushing my psi channels shut. Then I broke free and suddenly the muscle twitching was gone. Some minor muscles still twitch a little.

I feel my biofield building itself up again. It feels like cold rushes moving around and the aura straightening its hair again, becoming softer.


Perhaps she'll use my psi wisely. Hopefully. 
Sorry to everyone I may have accidentally vamped .. triple bow.