Freaked

Have been feeling like I'm losing motivation for pk practice. A few days ago I had such a great urge to practice that I probably overdid it and thus couldn't practice enough. I guess the wave top is getting over again..

Anyway, as I haven't experienced any lights flickering during pk practice, I thought I should give the following a try:
http://www.psionicsonline.net/psychokinesis/articles/27-light-dimming-upc 

The author mentioned keeping mind cluttered with thoughts while attempting to dim the light. I have noticed that when the mind switches thoughts, there is a short delay, during which the mind is totally unoccupied. While practicing pk on a psi-wheel, that has been the moment when it usually twitches by a small amount.

There aren't many regular lightbulbs around, but I guess it should also be possible with eco lights, fluorescent tubes and LED-s as well. It would be a cool sidestep from the candle, I think.

=D Hmm, if I can't get it under control fast enough, then I might end up messing with the lighting at some public places. There's already stuff making snapping and banging noises around me and with some disco lighting included, people could consider me even more weird.

Lit the eco light (or CFL) in my room. It's too bright to look right at it, so I thought I should stare at the reflection of the bulb on the window. But before I started, it popped into my mind that the bulb might contain mercury and based on the attempt in near-dream-state, I'm afraid I might blow it.

Went into the livingroom, there are 4 regular lightbulbs connected through a dimmer. I set the lights dim enough so that I felt comfortable looking at them. Less than a minute later, snapping sounds started coming from the bulbs. The lights started flickering slightly. Then, suddenly a bulb snapped really loud and it freaked me out. I quickly attempted to stop the flickering and switched the lamp off in case of any short-circuits.

I experienced some of my deep fears - what if I actually break something because of my practice? What if I can't control it and start accidentally breaking electronics with it, how am I supposed to build the satellite then? The bulbs don't cost much, but the satellite just _has_ to work (I'm sometimes afraid that it could turn into a pk screwup worth more than 100k euros).

There's also a lamp that's quite bright and powerful, but I couldn't affect it this time. I also thought of attempting to turn a light on, but it reminds me of the bulb-exploding experience again. It could've been just a dream, but it could've also been a pk screwup during an OBE-like experience. 

I think I have to try the light dimming thing again tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about it, maybe that's why I couldn't do anything with the lights in my room.