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Spent almost a week in Guildford. Warm weather followed us there. It got cold and rainy in Estonia and Latvia as soon as we left.

Haven't been feeling too enthusiastic about life for the last couple of weeks. Life seems boring, people seem so predictable and boring. It seems that there's so much more important to do out there (someplace I can't visit with this body anyway). And I'm just playing with barbies down here or something.

While on the plane, I noticed a heartache. Still decided to continue living, just for no reason. Bought some peanuts and asked a colleague for some water as well. Got the necessary minerals and water. Had probably become dehydrated and had run out of minerals as well.

Couldn't sleep the first night. Didn't feel being accepted there at first. After visiting a lot of places, talking to a lot of people in the half-dream state, I got some sleep the second night and felt normal after that. Some minor pk, OBE and geisting there.

For most of the time, I was pretty tensed up. I mean, I go there for a presentation and find people thinking: "Oh he's got the nerve to come here and present a project that has been trying to sneak past the rules. Shame on him."

Here's the situation from since I first joined the project. I propose for the project to be public and open-source. Nobody in the project wants to do that. Propose it again later .. still the same reaction. Then I cause a situation, which brings that subject up for discussion again. A couple of guys understood me and pointed out that we need to do that because of some agreements we have signed. Then I'm sent off for a presentation somewhere and I get scolded because our project is not the way I want it to be. Right, it is my fault, because I haven't succeeded in convincing the rest of the team yet. Thought this battle was over, because I had given up. But no, people are upset at me because of waving the white flag and not fighting.

Both of them are right, but I'm not a warrior nor a messenger to be dealing with these kind of things. Sigh.. I often feel as if I've long outlived my mission in this life. Got it done while in the army. Still don't know what it was, but the sensation of achievement was just amazing back then.

Back from Britain. Met amazing people there .. work-related.

A lot of non-mainstream ideas on stuff. A few conspiracy theories confirmed from another angle. Inspiration for pk practice.

An interesting observation. My mind was really troubled all the time. However, each time I would focus on a problem for longer than 0.1 seconds, the problem would be revealed as a phony. In both my mind and those of others'. So, there actually were no problems, never have been. Just an illusion. Though, still need to play the role, I guess.

Met someone in one of the dreams. He was a foreigner. He tried to be humble, as he approached me with a problem. As opposed to all other people in the dream, he was amazingly vivid and detailed. Can't remember what it was about, just remembered his face.

Also, further confirmation that celibacy itself is not enough for celibacy. Just a change in sleeping pose and it's leaking completely on its own. Unless there's really high tension everywhere in the body. Happened twice, while I was relaxed and not sleeping straight (which is not always the most comfortable way to sleep).