Dream of meditation

A couple of nights ago I had been meditating and couldn't sleep very well. Had a strange dream.

Some sort of a physical exercise had been scheduled. Nobody knew what it was and we lined up at the beginning of the training. However, it turned out that the trainer wanted us to feel comfortable and meditate for the couple of hours. Since it was supposed to be physical training, I still sneaked and did some physical exercises too. Disappointed and a bit embarrassed for doing such training in military, I asked one of the fellow soldiers: "The f*ing physical training was that?" For him, the training had been worthwile and for him it was strange that I would even ask.

In this I recognize a good old thought pattern of mine, one that makes me feel embarrassed and exposed for doing anything unusual, except for when I'm in private. The same with practicing drawing, playing guitar, drums or programming something. I'm afraid of letting others see unfinished work or something that isn't perfect. Perhaps afraid of criticism when I know that I can criticise myself the same way.


When Mom calls via Skype, I would secretly practice pk on a book on their shelf. The book caught my attention, because it had a large black and white face on it. I wonder how she would react if it started moving ::evil grin:: mwhaha. Well, maybe it's common for them - there are a lot of psi-working people there.