Rudimentary self-analysis

Last night I noticed a flux of vibrating heat being projected out of the left hip. Barely felt it in the hip. However, my left arm was next to the hip, hot and twitching at the closest point. As I moved my left arm away from the hip, the heat and twitching decreased gradually. As I moved my left arm back, the twitching did not restart, although the heat was still being emitted there. Also observed how the lack of free-flowing psi / psi pressure in the stomach inhibited chemical reactions (stomach acid doesn't interact with food -- no wonder the digestion process is slowed down).

Yet another girl, who made me melt. I blame the same psi blockage that's causing the digestion issues too. Noticed that wherever I looked, I still happened to be looking at her. Then she sat next to me .. bitter-sweet that she left the meeting rather soon and I could properly focus again.

Anyway, there's another one, who has made me melt almost each time I've seen her .. and so for 4 or 5 years already. Once fell in love too, but at an inappropriate time and somehow managed gain control again.

So, there are people like this. Then there are people, whom I simply know. At a course meeting today met a girl again, whom I know as if we had been friends for 20 years or so. At first I thought we must have seen each-other at a few lectures or something. But as it turned out, she doesn't even speak Estonian (all bachelor and most of master courses were in Estonian). So, uh, I have no clue. Can't even remember any dreams where I might have seen her. Ah, and then there was a friend of Hyena at the gym, whom I knew as if we had been friends for at least as long. It surprised me even more that I once saw his mother, whom I also knew as if she were a neighbour (can't recall having met them).

Today there was more tension than yesterday. Four meetings, two of them I had to rush through and leave early. Some sort of info pumping problems again, which have usually ticked me off. Paid attention to what caused the anxiety. Basically, I felt cornered -- I have to do something, but I can't because I don't have enough power or control over the events. I hate it when I'm responsible for something and I have no control to fulfil the responsibility. Then I try to wiggle out of the shackles, trying to gain a feeling of control. There are two issues: if I don't take the responsibility, then it won't happen in time; if I take the responsibility, I have to be in control.

While thinking about it, I realized this is what makes the astral prison so effective. It puts the subject into a miserable state and blocks the path towards any control. On one hand, I want to become immune to this (overcome the weakness). On the other hand, not taking the responsibility isn't the answer, either.