Sorry..
I was wrong and promoted my broken interpretation to others.
19 - The Spiritual Journey is Down seems so much better.
Previously I was convinced that since we are energy beings inhabiting human bodies, then the answer to "Who am I" would be the pure and bright presence of an unconditionally loving consciousness. Following this train of thought, any personality issues would be like spots of dirt (some miserably failed constructs or thought patterns) on the perfect white clothes of this consciousness. I was so convinced that even though father always told me otherwise, I didn't take him seriously.
Now I'm convinced that this dirt is worth at least as much. The root of everything is in the dirt. Thus, all those pure white robes, good personality and great success are like a construct of desperate attempt to sugarcoat the stuff that just wants to be something, survive and replicate. In other words, I got it all upside down, or rather, outside inwards.
After accepting the fact that this stuff is I, looking at raw urges and emotions feels different. Sensed warmth and unconditional love radiating from them. This warmth piled up into heat in the central channel, while the pulsation of the central flame became more intense.
A lot of inspiring podcasts to choose from:
List of Dharma Ocean podcasts
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