Tantra fail again, at a random moment in a dream. Saw it coming yesterday evening.
Before the exam, the following scenario popped in mind: "Halfway there, a praising remark that causes me to lose attention." Which was pretty much exactly what happened.
Failed the exam. Interesting, how one question changed the state of mind: "Have you been driving before the driving school?" Me: "No." And started wondering what caused him to ask that and what I had done wrong. Could only recall minor slips. Self-confidence, ability to pay attention dropped and I started making a lot of mistakes real quick. Actually, he asked it because I had been driving well.
A week ago, I felt that one week wouldn't be enough for me to regain confidence after all those months without practice. Two weeks felt more like it. However, the driving teacher suggested me to aim for 1 week instead. I know I'll do it the next time, that is, next week. Edit: Made driving teacher nervous, can feel it.
In computer games I love to explore all the secrets before taking the next level. It seems my mind works the same way in this reality. According to the society template, I could call myself a wuss for not being able to do stuff as easily as others. Without meaning it, I tend to cause a lot of fuss and changes. Often people don't like me because of the way I miss the standards. No matter how hard I try, it's still difficult to fit into the standards and feel sorry for having caused them so much trouble without the intention to do so.
This also makes me feel displeased with myself for not being able to live without touching the lives of others. The same thing with love. I feel both guilty and sorry when either I fall in love or see it happen to someone else because of me.
Seems rather difficult to exist gently, without making the lives of others more difficult. Sometimes I do feel guilty and sorry for the sound of my own footsteps.. motivates for levitation practice.
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