Glimpse at deity body

Sigh, sexual energy is berserk much. Mind enjoys chasing girls I haven't met.

Well, I seem to have a difficulty in getting used to that sort of stuff. A few weeks ago father started dating a woman. One evening he brought her home and leaned against the door frame of my room, hugging each-other tightly. My eyebrows must have been misaligned when I stared at them with a gaping mouth.

A messy way of ruining one's life, my semi-rational mind says with hatred, disappointment, self-pity and some facts from books.

Got something interesting again last night. Actually, I'll start off with the last dream two mornings ago. There were a few of us, exploring some sort of an ancient and mystical place .. full of mysteries and puzzles, obviously. With a barge, we sped down into a new room on a water aqueduct. Down in the middle of the room there was a pool of dark water of seemingly infinite depth. We hit it at full speed and buoyance-bounced back to surface (only penetrated perhaps 20 cm). Realizing we needed more mass or more momentum, we started piling up weights on the barge. ::morning alarm::

Last night before falling asleep, I focused on having the body of a Buddha. I was sort of astonished at the vividness and details of the half-physical body I was visualizing. Tuned it more towards non-physical (consisting of high-frequency vibrations of energy). Might've lost consciousness for a moment (don't remember stuff). At some moment I realized I was seeing golden light above my right hemisphere. Focused on the light. Lost consciousness (or forgot what I experienced), I think. Then suddenly I found myself in the bed again, while the body and mind were quite different. The body and mind felt perfect .. absolutely no worries, thoughts, emotions .. just pure pleasure of being. I continued focusing on the light, I think .. or on the state of body and mind. Managed to maintain the state for a few minutes.

Today I felt hungry for the first time over months. The nightly experience had cleared the gutter so that my digestive system actually worked for a short while. I don't think I managed to sleep much, though .. too energized.

Err .. wait. It seems I remember the perfect body and mind as a bilocated / double being. As if being in the bed next to me, both of us feeling and being exactly the same.