The power of waiting

Intended to "find" the hands in the dreams again. Well, I did stare a lot at them. Also realized that one of my stretching habits subconsciously fulfilled the same purpose. Nothing special in the dreams. Was at the summerhouse again. There were I think 4 possibilities of what to do while waiting for the morning. One of them was sitting around a bonfire and talking. I did not choose that one but I did talk to people.

Before falling asleep, though, I noticed something more interesting. I felt my teeth, gums, jaw transforming. As I focused on the feeling, I saw some sort of an image of the teeth, gums and jaw. It didn't tell me much. Played with the feeling, reversing it so that I gained my "original" form, then let it transform into this weird form again. I don't know what this weird form was or wasn't, but it felt as if the head became more round, while the jaw became thinner and teeth became larger. However, the image that I saw, indicated that the jaw became wider, instead. Dunno .. but I'm skeptical about it. I've felt pressure on the jaw before, but I haven't been able to confirm any physical changes yet.

Started going to gym again, for the summer. A friend asked me to go with him, but I thought I wouldn't make it so early. I got the impression that he still wanted to go early. It somehow happened that I got transport back to town, so I arrived by 7 PM (had said that maybe at 7, but more likely at 8 PM). Anyway, he arrived at 8. I finished and went out. Waited for him for about 1.5 hours, since then we would have a long and inspiring chat afterwards. Used the time for concentration practice, sort of. At first I focused on the trees, birds, wind, people, cars. Then I found it more exciting to peek at the silence or emptiness throughout everything. No matter how busy the street was, how many birds were circling around, chirping .. this silence was always there and it felt powerful. Couldn't maintain focus on it for long, though .. too many thoughts.

Anyway, he said that anyone who would've seen me waiting there, would now probably be convinced I'm retarded. Well, I've noticed that it's difficult to explain the point to a random person, as they only see meaning in purely physical actions.

Oh, right, waited for a bus for about an hour in the morning too. Really enjoyed it, as the weather was simply gorgeous.

For me, the point in waiting is that it's one of those moments when I have nothing to do except spiritual practice. At first there are barely any moments like that. But the more I integrate it into my everyday life (add at least 30 min margin to everything), the easier it becomes to do it in dreaming. From previous experience, I know that this eventually transforms dreams into constant awareness, constant meditation, basically.

There has been some sort of a power that flatters the ego, recently. I've put forth effort in overcoming the cockiness while preserving the power.