Something changed

There was a surge in intent last night / today morning, I think. The force field around the body has been quite thick already. When I focused on it, it caused nausea.

Walked to a parking lot next to a friend's dorm. Realized that I could see my old kindergarten from behind the trees and through two fences. Went closer. Looked at the place, some old memories came up. To avoid clinging to them, I turned around and walked back to friend's car. Looked at the trees instead. A seagull shouted, circled around me and flew towards the kindergarten. I kept my eyes at it throughout the event. Then looked back at the trees. Mind became blank and I got somewhat absorbed in the trees. Birds were chirping on one of the trees. Sensed power / energy increasing there. Then the birds flew away and a sort of darkness flew into the tree. The power stayed there. I turned around, looked around and still the power stayed there in the branches and leaves of that tree. I thought I had leaked it out due to prolonged focus on the tree. I let go of my obsession with trees, to which the trees reacted with a violent swaying and shaking of the leaves. The power remained. Focused on the power and observed it without obsession. Somehow took a part of it. The force field around the body wobbled quite a bit.

By utilizing blank mind, I challenged dirty thoughts. For one, the dorm building used to give me the sensation of a fire accident each time I looked at it. Purged it so that the sensation dissipated.

After standing there for about 20 minutes or so, I realized I was standing in the middle of an ants' highway. Heavy traffic. None of them touched me, though. I carefully stepped away.

Buildings, trees, birds, people feel different. The 24/7 focus on the force field is almost back. Not quite, but almost. By focusing on it, internal tension and stress faded away pretty quick.

On another note, the first week in gym was a bit tough. Easily started to feel sick .. drank a lot of water, juice, milk. Skin became fragile and started peeling off .. ate a lot of butter. Well, obviously one needs to have something to put butter on before eating it .. so I ate black and white or fake (grayscale rice+corn disk) bread, too.