Sexual energy started pushing two days ago and went berserk yesterday. It bubbled up all sorts of emotions, which I observed without action. Laid down and tried to relax and let go of whatever I thought I was holding onto. This helped perhaps a little .. but the pain / heat / pleasure at the tailbone was still there and didn't want to leave. Leaked a little during the night.
Today I realized I had messed up with my recapitulation a little. I had semi-subconsciously also applied stasis field, while trying to resolve the issue with sexual energy. At least partially, the problem was caused or enhanced by the stasis. It's important not to slow down energy flow, while observing it.
Today morning I woke up to the signal of someone / something twitching the fingers on my left hand. Checked the phone .. 5 minutes before the alarm. This twitch occurred in such a mind-state that it helped me remember the dreams better.
Drank too much coffee (2 half-cups of cappuccino) at work today. Lost the ability to focus for a moment. Inspired by Castaneda's books, I tried to feel the properties of the coffee (why it has such an effect, why people drink it, what's its personality like - in case personified and so on..). Then tried recapitulation on it. Some time later I felt different (not sure it's related to coffee at all).
I did something on a semi-subconscious layer of mind and anxiety transformed somehow. It became hollow and stayed that way. Somehow I started seeing hardships as challenges I was really looking forward to. The blocker had become transparent and I could see nature from a different perspective. Actually this somewhat worked already yesterday .. after a specific moment, the bubbled emotions turned into passion and I realized how much I loved the issues that at first had seemed frustrating. But then again, these things don't happen overnight .. and claiming so would be ignorant (one of the mistakes I did several years ago, before restarting the cycle). I acknowledge the hard work and keep going.
Remembered something interesting, which I hadn't thought of before.
ReplyDeleteIn the morning I noticed that someone was mowing the lawn at a park. Had a flashback of sorts, or remembered a mystical scene where ..Om.. echoed between buildings in a similar way as the sound of the lawnmower did. Focused on hearing the lawnmower sound as ..Om.. echoing the same way as in the memory / flashback. An interesting practice, which could become quite useful as spring progresses.