Black cobbler fish

Hmm .. yesterday it was crusted peanuts that made me feel tired very quickly.

Took a few naps today and during one of them, an image suddenly popped up and overlaid anything else that the mind was occupied with. It looked like a black cobbler fish on the floor, next to a box of journals in front of the bookshelves. The fish had its head towards me.

Googled it, but only found cooking images.

Ate stuff again. Then it popped into mind that I want fish. I thought father had finished the bag of fish. Checked the fridge and the second bag of fish was still there .. hadn't noticed it, nobody had. Fish made me feel fresh again.

Listened to some more Castaneda's books in the morning. It was about hunting .. and the white falcon. Caught myself thinking "I'm not a hunter". Cross-thought "Can't say that, because I don't know myself. Even though I may not like it, I just may be." Then reminded myself how I used to love fishing when I was little. Now I just feel sorry for fish that I've caught and plants that I've picked or that have been picked for me. In other words, I've basically suppressed the hunter in me.

Launch anniversary, I was reluctant to go at first, but then realized I could re-think it for myself. I could turn it mystical and enlightening for myself. At least that's what I used to do with these sorts of events anyway.

Arrived at the scene. An archery target caught my attention. Helped to set up the target and it was pretty fun. The first time shooting with a real bow (not like the hazel tree bow-wannabes that we've sometimes built during the summer). There were also an air gun rifle and an air gun pistol. Fired a few shots with those too, but found them less interesting.

Took sauna and visited a hot bath barrel. From the barrel, I saw two flashes of light in the sky. Bluish-white and then red. While in the barrel, I felt quite uncomfortable at first, but with meditation I managed to overcome this .. energy floated up the spine and formed a painful blob between the heart and throat chakras.

Looked around and noticed that energy moved up the gable roof, not down (as I've thought previously). Didn't see it, but when I looked at it, I felt it. Also noticed how roof edges affected the flow of the energy. So, a gable roof or a pyramid focuses energy at the top of the roof, creating a sort of vacuum that draws in more energy from the ground. It makes sense that in such a building, energy flow in the body is enhanced also. However, while in a flat-roofed building, energy flow is not stimulated and there's a high chance of energy becoming stale or stagnant. From this point of view, wizard hats now also seem to have practical value.

The concept of always being aware of the death stalking you, or its side-effects are really good. However, this death is not the death that we've grown accustomed to calling death. Indians see death differently. For me, it associates more with the guardian or friend who is always to my left. He guides through the process of being born and he does the same in case of death. Since he's an energy form, he sees through everything that I do, think or feel. He knows all my weaknesses and points them out to me. He's friendly, as is death. It's like a restart to learn to resolve the weaknesses that blinded me on the previous iteration of life.

Stared long at a couple of trees. Saw or felt them very different. Though, can't describe what was so different about them. Just hadn't felt trees from such a world-view before. Anyway, with the darkness and lighting they looked like broccoli.